First date in a long time....and he's probably a drinker.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast 
I'm going against everyone else 's responses here but tbh at 8 days sober the last thing on my mind would have been dating.
To the OP - you sound like a really, really smart and engaging person. You're a good writer and you come off likeable and you seem to be able to look at your situation with a little bit of levity, humor, and keep things in perspective.
Which is why it pains me to say it: you're nuts if you think you can start arranging dates with strangers (or ANYONE) 8 days into sobriety. The fact that it didn't even occur to you that this is a bad idea - it says something. It's abso-smurfly not the right place to focus your energy right now. And yes, "we all heal in different ways", blah blah blah. But 8 days? Nope. Two weeks? No. Six months? Maybe. You shouldn't even be monkeying around with your online profile at all, in fact you should switch it to "hidden" and start getting used to spending weekends at home for the next few months. There are so many many many healing things you can be doing instead!
Getting real here: you've got to take this sobriety thing seriously. You don't see cancer patients running out of their first chemo session and logging onto match.com, do you? No. Because they're scared, trying to get well, and they are going to focus on their recovery. Because this is serious business. Alcoholism is a serious disease too. Treat it like one.
Of course, this is all just my opinion, so take what helps and leave the rest.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Great response Bigsombrero
anyistoommuch-this experience has shown that it's way way too early for dating. If you're lonely and isolate join the gym, library, AA meetings, walk, join a book club. Concentrate on looking after you.
anyistoommuch-this experience has shown that it's way way too early for dating. If you're lonely and isolate join the gym, library, AA meetings, walk, join a book club. Concentrate on looking after you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 304
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
Getting real here: you've got to take this sobriety thing seriously. You don't see cancer patients running out of their first chemo session and logging onto match.com, do you? No. Because they're scared, trying to get well, and they are going to focus on their recovery. Because this is serious business. Alcoholism is a serious disease too. Treat it like one.
I have learned so much from this thread. I have a core issue that triggers my desire to start drinking and I'm learning from reading around on SR that I am trying to tackle too much at once, when I should manage the deadly one (alcohol) first. Dating is CLEARLY not the proper distraction from of it right now.
Argh! Doh! Keeping busy is not the issue - it's not that I don't have anything to do in my community (I volunteer with my local theatre, a local historic preservation society, member of a hiking club, do art shows...blah blah blah), my issue is that I am the sort of person who can feel very much alone in a crowded room full of people I know, the root of which I am well aware is a low level depression (treated) which has been my demon since before I was a teenager, and the constant management of which I think started me drinking regularly until the switch flicked to the "alcoholic" position.
BUT IN TRUTH - I'm probably a little bit in DENIAL about what I need to do to stop drinking. But that's also because I don't know what I need to do to stay as a non drinker. This is uncharted territory for me. (Other than not take that first drink, that is...)
Alright! Onward and THANKS everyone! (and thanks for listening to my constant stream of consciousness...)
Day 11.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Originally Posted by Skye2
Olive - bigsombrero's best one was when he thought a thread was gonna get zapped faster than a 'burp in a duststorm' - I still grin thinking about that one 
Congrats AITM on day 11!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 304
quick and amusing update-
switched my online dating profile answer to "never drinks".
i am getting more hits than i used to get. haven't followed through on any yet (wont even consider it until I am at least at 90 days- at 48 now), but it is a pleasant surprise.
YET ANOTHER REASON to embrace sobriety!
whoo hoo!
switched my online dating profile answer to "never drinks".
i am getting more hits than i used to get. haven't followed through on any yet (wont even consider it until I am at least at 90 days- at 48 now), but it is a pleasant surprise.
YET ANOTHER REASON to embrace sobriety!
whoo hoo!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 33
That surprises me too.
That is encouraging you are getting more hits with your new status. I have often thought, if I was trying to date again being sober, how would that work. Since most first dates are for "drinks" I automatically thought that would limit my options. Good to hear this update.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 12
ANY, here is something to consider...
When we start drinking in an alcoholic manner, we stop processing our emotions. We drink when we are happy we drink when we are sad or upset and we dull all of the emotions that we have.
When we STOP drinking, we have to relearn how to deal with what we are feeling. Add to that the fact that we also have to reintroduce ourselves TO ourselves and figure out who we are without alcohol, ninety days is generally not enough time. When dating or in a relationship- as women- we generally stop focusing on who we are and start focusing on the other person. In early sobriety that is not the best approach for maintaining long term.
When we start drinking in an alcoholic manner, we stop processing our emotions. We drink when we are happy we drink when we are sad or upset and we dull all of the emotions that we have.
When we STOP drinking, we have to relearn how to deal with what we are feeling. Add to that the fact that we also have to reintroduce ourselves TO ourselves and figure out who we are without alcohol, ninety days is generally not enough time. When dating or in a relationship- as women- we generally stop focusing on who we are and start focusing on the other person. In early sobriety that is not the best approach for maintaining long term.
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