ExWinoMom

I need some tips on what to do when socialising with my good friends, at dinner etc.
I think i'll go to meetings before/after and call my sponsor or other members.
What else?

Dee74

There's some good tips here - for any social occasions.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html

To be honest tho I gave those early invites a miss until I felt strong enough to be around drinking situations, and I'm glad I did.

D

Skye2

I agree - I'd avoid anywhere where there is alcohol for a while. In time, you'll feel stronger and more secure with saying 'no' Maybe even, like me, you won't actually WANT to hang around with people who are drinking/using.

We've devoted so much time to 'getting high' that a few weeks/months to recover from it all, is nothing really, is it?

PS I still meet up with my friends, but in the day, for coffee or at their houses where I know I can leave if the booze appears. It doesn't mean you have to lose friendships

ExWinoMom

Yes well I will organize things that aren't geared around alcohol. I'll book lunchtime things or something. I love my friends and I don't want to avoid them because I'm sober. So I will go out to dinner/lunch with them and even if they drink I will get support from aa and my sponsor.

ExWinoMom

Thanks guys x

Taking5

Always have an escape plan.

Tamerua

I had to go to drinking events for work. I made sure I hit a meeting before, talked to my sponsor, that there were things that I could drink, avoided the bar and left after about an hour to an hour and a half. That was in real early sobriety (first six months). For my personal life, I didn't go to drinking events but I I went to dinner and there were drinks, I followed the same as above.

Good luck!

anyistoomuch

This is a big issue for me too EWM. For me dinner time is the natural social hour, and that's kind of a default when we all get together and have a great time - it's after work, it's winding down the day with good company, it reinforces freindship bonds...all that good stuff. I just can't do it. I haven't "come out" to my friends yet as a non-drinker, because I am not sure how supportive they will be or whether they will take me seriously. So right now this issue is my biggest concern. I hope you continue to check back and let us know how it goes.

pinkdog

Hi Exwino, I said "I'd like a coca-cola". If you act like you are ok and having a nice time, noone will be anxious about it. If you feel fragile, maybe wait awhile to go to places that serve alcohol and other people drinking. Sobriety is the reward. Best wishes.

littlefish

I learned that socializing is different and so much better, sober. I used to do so much performing when I drank. I was quite the actress: I put on a show to cover up the fact that I was drunk or getting there quick. I spent SO much energy trying to hide the effects of alcohol. I put on a show to hide the wretched way I felt with a hangover. I put on a happy face for the world when inside I was miserable.

When I started to feel comfortable in my sobriety, I really started to enjoy just being me: not having to put on an act. I like going to social events now because I like that feeling of being comfortable in my own skin.

I also notice that there is always a group at every party of non-drinkers or moderate drinkers. These are often the drivers. I end up with that group and usually have a very nice time. While the rest of the party is getting drunk, we sit in our corner sipping coffee and enjoying the food.

But only you know when you feel ready and comfortable. I avoided social events the first few months. But it's quite individual. Some folks can go out to parties very early in sobriety, some never quite get used to it.

MIRecovery

Have you talked to your sponsor ? My sponsor would have told to hold off going to any events where alcohol was present.

Anna

Being in situations where alcohol was served didn't work for me. I could get through the specific situation, but the next morning, I'd be first in line to buy more.

micmac

If you are not sure you can stay sober in the situation then I would stay away.

FeelingGreat

I always make sure I get a soft drink in my hand asap, usually a large soda water. A lot of the habit for me is just making sure I have something to do with my hands.
Only a couple of weeks into my sobriety I went out with 2 female friends who ordered a bottle of wine. I ordered a cup of chai tea; as soon as I had my first sip my craving for the wine disappeared.

ScottFromWI

I stayed away from alcohol completely for a good month or two. Now I find that i really don't care if others are drinking around me at a restaurant or social gathering. I'm OK with not drinking anything or drinking a soft drink/water.

Having said that I still don't hang out in places where drinking is the ONLY reason to be there - bars, drinking parties, etc. There is no reason to be there for me, plain and simple.

ReadyAtLast

I would also urge caution. I relapsed twice last year at 6 weeks sober,both times in social situations. The urge hit me out ofthe blue,I was ill prepared,felt unable to control it.it was so overwhelming and i drank. I was unprepared for dealing with cravings in social situtations.

have an escape plan, urge surfing or other ways of dealing with cravings. dont rush out though-you have your whole life ahead of you and true friends will wait or meet you in alcohol free settings

Tang

Anna - this is me exactly. I can white knuckle through a social event only to be drinking after it or the next day.