WindyWars

I have this huge knot in my throat and I am so sad. I dont even know how to write how I am feeling. But, I need to talk with someone who can reasonably understand what I am feeling. My Sister is an alcoholic drug addict and has been for years. What has changed is she has crossed the lenient line I had drawn years ago. I have easily been able to ignore the endless drama that wrecks families of drug addicts because I chose to leave the circle long ago. But, in the last year things have finally escalated. Now, I must walk the walk... of the talk. Its time to get honest. And no one in the family is ready to do that but, me. So.... Im the outsider. I guess in a way I have always been, as Im the only one who established a boundary to refuse to be involved. Although, now I just feel guilty for inactively allowing it to escalate. I have kept my Children away from her and most of her chaos. My Husband (an only child), tries to be supportive but, he just doesnt know the love of a sibling and can not understand the pull. I am struggling to separate my own life and the chaos she is causing my Mother right now. I have finally gotten honest and I am calling her what she is; a drug addict. Although, I dont speak with her anymore and havent in three months. So, my discussions have been with my parents as, I only want them to get honest too. They are continuing to give her the benefit of their doubts and offer her the chance to take a drug test.....blah, blah, blah. You know where that goes. Of course she hasnt taken one and wont but, they believe her reasons and excuses and LIES. All the same lies told for years and years.

I am so sad. I know in my mind that this is out of my hands. BUt, my heart is hurting for my Mom. And there is a deep hatred that as always my sister steals every small bit of joy there is left in my Mom ...right from my children.

That's my sad story today. I know I have so many things to be thankful for and my life itself is great. I guess Im having difficulty with my own codependency and enabling the enabler right now. My Husband told me this morning, he sees the pain of my Mom on my face and it just broke my heart. My sister's chaos is reaching across boundaries and into my heart.

I dont even know what I need or how to help myself through this. Do you have any advise for me?

ExWinoMom

Hi there darl.
Very painful situation there. I'm so sorry.
Step one of Nar-Anon says "we admitted that we were powerless over the addict and that our lives had become unmanageable"
Are you in Nar-anon/Al-anon?
Big hugs
The programs work if you work them every day.
A way to peace whether the addict is still using or not.
X

OrganisedChaos

I'm the daughter of an alcoholic and drug addict. I see the choices she makes and she makes decisions that negatively effect her life an those around her. She has a very volatile relationship with her own mother (so my grandmother), I often see how much pain she causes my grandmother, and it breaks my heart. I completely understand the pull that you describe, I keep my mum at a distance because I find it too painful to keep her close, but I could never cut her out like others advise... I constantly have to tell my dad that his relationship with her ended with divorce, I'm bound by blood forever.

My advice would be to keep her at a distance and advice your mother to do the same, limit the contact to phone because at least you can put the phone down when things escalate. You can't change the choices that people make but you can protect yourself from them until they see the light, whenever that may be.

WindyWars

I truly cant thank you enough. I have felt absolutely desperate and so lonely. Being able to share and have those who understand respond, is everything I had no idea I needed.

I have another thread of the same content on the Family and Friends board and the outpouring of helpfulness and been amazing.