Correy

Today would've been my mother's 78th birthday if she were alive.

Alas, she's been gone for 41 years already. Her resting place, where my father also lies, is on another continent so I wasn't able to put some flowers on her grave. Than, it hit me - I have no family, not a single member is left alive, I have no real friends nearby as well. Two really close guys I can still call friends live so far away that I haven't seen them in RL for ages...

In the last year five of my close friends had died. I'm an aging gentleman who had also lost everything (material stuff) so as such I'm not attractive to the other gender, the proof being my last girlfriend who left me recently because of my poverty, so the loneliness is complete.

I almost taken my only crutch, fiend and "friend," the booze today. I have not. Perhaps that's also something...

Let me try a smile, than

C'est la vie...

Skye2

Hi Correy - well done for not drinking!! - anniversaries are SO difficult aren't they and you've done brilliantly!

If your ex left you due to lack of money, then you are better off without her! Much better to meet someone who cares about YOU and not what you can give to her etc. I personally think, she has done you a favour by releasing you to find someone who you can be happy and feel secure with. I know which I'd prefer from a partner and at the end of the day, it's not a bank account you wake up to and that's there when you're ill and needing support.

You're doing really well

Dee74

I'm sorry you're feeling low Correy - rest assured you have a huge virtual family here tho.

oh..and I'm poor and I'm happily married, so don't give up hope - maybe you just need a better 'picker'?

I'm glad you stayed sober - it may not always make things better but it never makes things worse

D

FeelingGreat

hi Correy, it does get tempting to drink when we're feeling low and vulnerable. I hope you can get out there and meet some new people so you're not alone with your thoughts. Congrats on not drinking because it won't solve anything and can contribute to depression.

Hevyn

Hi Correy. I'm sorry you are sad. As Dee said, you have all of us - and we care about you.

I'm glad you didn't cave - we imagine that it'll help, but it never gives us the relief we seek. Congratulations on your 39 days. Things will get easier.

JaylaaKent

I'm sorry - I can't understand how you feel - in that I never really had a mother/father (grew up in foster homes from age 2) - but I can say I know friends can be family members we choose. Thank you for sharing your strength and endurance during a difficult time and proof that sobriety wins.

FourSeasons

I am sorry you are feeling blue. Dee is right though. Being sober may not help you feel better now but it will absolutely make you feel worse! Stick around a post for a bit. It very well may just take a bit of your loneliness away...

Marcher13

Correy I am one of your virtual family checking in to say hi. If you are "aging" then, like me, you are old enough to know that friends emerge at all stages of life and I'm sure that in time you'll find your circumstances are different.

Dee by "poor" I'm guessing that you mean not having a lot of money. See, poor is a word I would never associate with you, you are one of the richest men I've ever known.

Carlotta

I am so glad you did not pick up Correy. As far as women go, there are a lot of nice ladies out there who pick their mates based on their qualities and not their material assets
Have you thought of joining a club or volunteering? It s a good way to meet nice people and make new friends

Correy

Thanks guys.

My father - the most sane, sober, brave, straightforward man I've ever known - died of loneliness. His wife, my mom, died precisely at the moment when the things were looking up for them and he had a troubled wunderkind at the time, his son to cope with, ever since.

After I left the country, it was a bit too much for him and he slowly went away, without a single word of complaining about his life, tragedies that marked a huge portion of his life or his son...

So, while I hate being whiny, I'm somehow strangely afraid I may end up like him, dying alone, despite my relatively young age (relatively young for an "aging gentleman" as myself) for I have no idea how to move on with my work, that needs both the people and the money, from this abject isolation.

So, I guess, it is normal to be in a funk, no, on a day like this. At least I have my mother's small Music Box, something I carry around this world for full 41 years now, and it was playing for her and my father tonight...

I guess, that's something - no matter what in this crazy life I had had - I did not let it go, that small, old Music Box that keeps breaking my heart in such a strange, sad way that is almost beautiful.

Damn... nothing worse than a whiny "aging gentleman"

But, a sober one!!!