dollydagger

Hey everyone,
I just found this site while scanning the internet and feeling a bit lonely.

I'm 25 and have struggled with a myriad of mental health problems since I was a kid: depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and alcohol and substance abuse. I started drinking when I was a teenager and began abusing weed when I was 18, eventually moving on to harder drugs and drinking on a regular basis. I realized a little while back that many of my problems were rooted in my codependent tendencies and decided to tackle these issues at their source by attending 12-step CoDA meetings, and they've been so helpful! I quit all drugs and alcohol in July and feel really amazing. I have so much more awareness and I feel like finally I'm not living my life in fear of my emotions.

Adjusting to the sober life hasn't been easy though, especially considering my age. Most of my friends drink heavily and are still at that age where binge drinking equates to having a great time. Most of them are accepting of my decision but I feel like I can't connect with them anymore or enjoy hanging out because everything revolves around going to the bar. As a result, I feel really lonely most of the time. I am very fortunate to have an amazing boyfriend who is also going through recovery, and a few friends who I still feel close to, but overall I feel isolated and alone because of my decision to abstain from substances. I find myself going on Facebook [which I rarely use anyway, except to torture myself, it seems] and looking at pictures of parties my friends have--which I'm usually invited to and turn down--and feeling incredibly jealous, angry, and alone. I know inside that I wouldn't even want to go out to these events because, when you're sober, they're just not fun, but still, I feel bad about it and sometimes wish things could be like they once were. Of course, this is a fantasy and an illusion; the way things were was horrible and abusive--I was on total self-destruct mode--and I don't want to go back there.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Anyway, I'm glad I stumbled upon this site and that I had the opportunity to release some of this stuff. Thanks for reading and for being here!

Best to you all <3

marley1984

Same for me I totally understand. I have no idea how I'm gonna manage in my social circles.. And co workers too... I'm just gonna have to figure out how to have fun while everyone else is drunk.or stay away.. Guess I will figure out how hard it is.. I'm just trying to focus on all the stuff I really wanna do and haven't because I'm usually drunk or hungover. Mostly outdoorsy stuff and rock climbing.. Need new hobbies lol

Anna

I think that early recovery is a time of change, and it's not always easy. I am much older than you two, but I could not have made it this far if I had not made changes in my life as far as people/friends/activities. Try to keep an open mind and to maintain focus on your recovery.

chaili05

Marley and Dolly, I am in the same boat with you guys! 26 years old, today is my 7th day sober.
Anna, I agree... I am trying to keep an open mind and think of other activities I've wanted to take part in. These past fews days its been exercise. I've always wanted to become more fit in the sense of weight training, so I'm keeping that in mind as I could never have done anything beyond cardio when drinking as I was always way too tired/hungover/headaches/etc... not to mention the time it took to drink. Ha.

mistyblue87

I am in the same boat!! I've been on this site before, tried to quit several times and have in, mainly because my circle of friends do drink a lot and that's the main thing to do in my town is go to the bars, not to mention I work in a restaurant, can you imagine how hard it is to stay away from alcohol when all your coworkers get together after work to drink? But I'm on my 6th day today, it's hard, because I'm a shy person and I've always depended on alcohol to loosen me up. But I'm trying to get new things in my life instead. Going to join the gym, and find some new hobbies. It is possible and I don't want to go through the grief and embarrassment of what did I do last night anymore because of drinking.

least

Welcome to SR! This is a very supportive place you've found. Read around and post as much as you like. I've made a lot of friends here and I'm sure you will too.


You're smart to quit drinking now. You'll have far fewer regrets when you get older.

marley1984

Mistyblue... I work in a restaurant/bar too! I have the next 10 days off so I'm trying to us it as a jumping off point.. Gonna be crazy...

hayley86

Welcome dollydagger, congrats on your sober time. I'm 27 and i quit drinking 13 months ago. One of my biggest concerns when i stopped drinking was how i would adjust to sober life at my age. Pretty much all the people in my social circle were heavily into drinking and nearly everything involved alcohol. The only way i was able to get sober was by putting my recovery as my main priority. I had to change many of my old habits including how socialized. Once i stopped drinking i realized that i had very little in common with a lot of the people i called friends and these friendships were lost along the way. Taking up new activities and finding new interests has helped me to meet new friends. I also kept in mind that the really fun social times that i did have drinking were few and far between by the end. It's great to no longer have the constant anxiety and worry about things i dont remember doing or saying. I think it just takes time to adjust. It did for me anyway. Best wishes.

Quinne

Welcome! Congratulations on your sober time I'm 27 and have been sober for about 17 months; I echo much of what has been said about changing habits and I understand that feeling of loneliness! One thing if I may suggest is that the "self-torture" is feeding the addictive beast-not intending to sound harsh, but i've been looking in places I shouldn't on facebook-particularly when i'm making a choice to be bored-and can see how it's my disease feeding off who i'm not, what i'm missing out on (really?!) and bolsters my insecurities. A lot of people experience a grieving process, particularly in early days-that's totally normal! Mine's happened in fits and starts and a bit later-just remember you're not alone!

Xx

dollydagger

Thanks to everyone who responded! It feels really good to know I'm not alone in this. Quinne, I can definitely relate to the feeling of "self-torture" around social media and tend to avoid Facebook for this reason. It's way too triggering of a site for me, at least in this time, since I tend to compare myself too much to others. Before coming back to this site today, I found myself spiraling into that self-loathing vortex, so I'm glad I came here instead of following that thought. I've never really considered myself much of an internet/social media person to begin with (clearly, since it took me 2 months to respond here :P), but reading all of your replies has been helpful and encouraging. So thanks!

Love.