What went so wrong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: North Van BC
Posts: 2
What went so wrong
What went so long to put myself into this situation??
I just wanted to have a life back again.
I thought I will have a family again.
I am a Single Mother with a kid 8 years old.I am separated 6years ago.
My son's father is a great guy and is around him for all supports.
Despite of our divorce, we kept a good relationship and I have a house, good job, wonderful friends around me. My parents are there for me 100%.
I have been into a serious relationship with a man who is alcoholic, gambler, quit OCD for cleaning, no friend no close family around lonely guy, who is also recently lost his job.
I have been dating with him for 5 years and he has tried his best to live with me by promising to give his paycheque to bring to my table.
I thought if I can manage his cash, he will stay away from his addictions.
He is great with my son. Very close to each other.
When he is good for everything, we all are happy. Above and beyond.
I have never felt this happy feeling for a long time since my last marriage.
His life before was like;
He is good to keep up his rent and food money for two months and then, addiction!! He looses his money and out of place for living. No money for food.
He gets sick easily.
I help many times many ways but when he gets drank, he is too bad to be around.
So, he has to go homeless shelter many times but as long as he had his job, I was able to help him put him on track, found a new place for him, supported him by cooking to improve his health conditions.
But of cause, he looses everything in three months.
After attempted to help him so many times, I decided to let him go to a homeless shelter and even food bank.
He cried so hard and he really wanted my help.
My mistake was that I let him stay with me.
He was so happy as he found his family he wanted to have for long time.
He promised to be hand away from his money.
He asked me to take all him money out from his sight.
5 months went very well.
I thought everything went perfect and peaceful.
He looked very happy.
But!! No reason but he took some bears one day and went so wrong.
He took alcohols like water, non stop!
He left home in mid night and didn't come home for two days.
He didn't go to work.
Then, He came back with not even penny. Not eating for two days.
Very sick looking.
He looked very depressed.
He was very sorry.
He couldn't even get up from his bed for few days and has missed his work for quit long time.
After two weeks of his depression, he tried to talk with his manager but in this time, he lost his job.( he's done this a lot in the past)
Now, he gets some workForce job for $60 per day for few days a week.
He keeps $20 for himself and gives me $100 per week.
I use the money for grocery.
I used to have a home stay student to support my house hold expense but since my boyfriend stays with me, I lost my stable extra income.
I still didn't mind helping him till he gets a job.
However, he stooped working completely.
He said $60 per day doesn't make sense for his hard work.
$100 per week?? Really? Is that joking?
I just couldn't believe what he said.
He said if he stayed a homeless shelter, he could have saved his money 100% for him.
Now, he has no money and if he stops going those temporary job, he feels so poor.
I told him to move out from my place then and go to the shelter.
He stopped working now.
I stopped cooking for him.
He doesn't leave my place.
I asked him to go food bank to take care of your food at least.
He got very upset. He started to raise his voice even my son is around.
Complaining about his life, world he is living in.
He is very angry tat me every single minutes.
I can't even stay home calm.
He said he is going to suit me for taking his all money in the past if He has to leave my house.
(His pay cheque was not much even when he had a job. Fair amount for rent and food and some dine out expense.)
I know he must have lost his mind. He shouldn't be that kind of guy.
Anyhow, Now I have been living in heal.
He Get drank, gamble with my son's piggy bank cash, gets upset of his unsuccessful job haunting processes, yelling at me that I ignore him.
I feel tired in this miserable life.
What's the point of helping him at my place if he doesn't show me respect, appreciate the fact he doesn't pay.
Yes, he regretted on his actions.
But!!
I know this is just a matter of the time that it will come again shortly that devil will take over his mind and body.
I am very edge to leave him( I tried many times in past)
I keep trying for my son because my son cried to have him stay here with us.
My son likes him and they have great friend ship.
It is true that I appreciate what he has done for my son.
My life is getting tough, though.
I have a mortgage, work, kid, dogs....
Huge responsibility in my shoulder.
I wish I could support him more but I have to protect my life.
I start to feel angry and realize that he gets free place, not working but still I have to offer him meals??
I really feel sorry for his job lost but that is not my fault.
I am trapped and I still want to help him back to get a job but I might need help for myself and my son.
I know I don't need to feel guilty to send him food bank.
I really want my home stay student business back.
Is that bad to think this way?
Should you help your boyfriend to support him even you don't have budget?
If it was your husband, should you still stay with him just because you love him and you promised to stay with him when sicknesses, poor,.....
Remember? We all promised those at wedding.
I am lost myself.
I just wanted to have a life back again.
I thought I will have a family again.
I am a Single Mother with a kid 8 years old.I am separated 6years ago.
My son's father is a great guy and is around him for all supports.
Despite of our divorce, we kept a good relationship and I have a house, good job, wonderful friends around me. My parents are there for me 100%.
I have been into a serious relationship with a man who is alcoholic, gambler, quit OCD for cleaning, no friend no close family around lonely guy, who is also recently lost his job.
I have been dating with him for 5 years and he has tried his best to live with me by promising to give his paycheque to bring to my table.
I thought if I can manage his cash, he will stay away from his addictions.
He is great with my son. Very close to each other.
When he is good for everything, we all are happy. Above and beyond.
I have never felt this happy feeling for a long time since my last marriage.
His life before was like;
He is good to keep up his rent and food money for two months and then, addiction!! He looses his money and out of place for living. No money for food.
He gets sick easily.
I help many times many ways but when he gets drank, he is too bad to be around.
So, he has to go homeless shelter many times but as long as he had his job, I was able to help him put him on track, found a new place for him, supported him by cooking to improve his health conditions.
But of cause, he looses everything in three months.
After attempted to help him so many times, I decided to let him go to a homeless shelter and even food bank.
He cried so hard and he really wanted my help.
My mistake was that I let him stay with me.
He was so happy as he found his family he wanted to have for long time.
He promised to be hand away from his money.
He asked me to take all him money out from his sight.
5 months went very well.
I thought everything went perfect and peaceful.
He looked very happy.
But!! No reason but he took some bears one day and went so wrong.
He took alcohols like water, non stop!
He left home in mid night and didn't come home for two days.
He didn't go to work.
Then, He came back with not even penny. Not eating for two days.
Very sick looking.
He looked very depressed.
He was very sorry.
He couldn't even get up from his bed for few days and has missed his work for quit long time.
After two weeks of his depression, he tried to talk with his manager but in this time, he lost his job.( he's done this a lot in the past)
Now, he gets some workForce job for $60 per day for few days a week.
He keeps $20 for himself and gives me $100 per week.
I use the money for grocery.
I used to have a home stay student to support my house hold expense but since my boyfriend stays with me, I lost my stable extra income.
I still didn't mind helping him till he gets a job.
However, he stooped working completely.
He said $60 per day doesn't make sense for his hard work.
$100 per week?? Really? Is that joking?
I just couldn't believe what he said.
He said if he stayed a homeless shelter, he could have saved his money 100% for him.
Now, he has no money and if he stops going those temporary job, he feels so poor.
I told him to move out from my place then and go to the shelter.
He stopped working now.
I stopped cooking for him.
He doesn't leave my place.
I asked him to go food bank to take care of your food at least.
He got very upset. He started to raise his voice even my son is around.
Complaining about his life, world he is living in.
He is very angry tat me every single minutes.
I can't even stay home calm.
He said he is going to suit me for taking his all money in the past if He has to leave my house.
(His pay cheque was not much even when he had a job. Fair amount for rent and food and some dine out expense.)
I know he must have lost his mind. He shouldn't be that kind of guy.
Anyhow, Now I have been living in heal.
He Get drank, gamble with my son's piggy bank cash, gets upset of his unsuccessful job haunting processes, yelling at me that I ignore him.
I feel tired in this miserable life.
What's the point of helping him at my place if he doesn't show me respect, appreciate the fact he doesn't pay.
Yes, he regretted on his actions.
But!!
I know this is just a matter of the time that it will come again shortly that devil will take over his mind and body.
I am very edge to leave him( I tried many times in past)
I keep trying for my son because my son cried to have him stay here with us.
My son likes him and they have great friend ship.
It is true that I appreciate what he has done for my son.
My life is getting tough, though.
I have a mortgage, work, kid, dogs....
Huge responsibility in my shoulder.
I wish I could support him more but I have to protect my life.
I start to feel angry and realize that he gets free place, not working but still I have to offer him meals??
I really feel sorry for his job lost but that is not my fault.
I am trapped and I still want to help him back to get a job but I might need help for myself and my son.
I know I don't need to feel guilty to send him food bank.
I really want my home stay student business back.
Is that bad to think this way?
Should you help your boyfriend to support him even you don't have budget?
If it was your husband, should you still stay with him just because you love him and you promised to stay with him when sicknesses, poor,.....
Remember? We all promised those at wedding.
I am lost myself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
I think you know what you need to do that is best for both you and your son.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but he is lost in his addiction and cannot be a responsible person at this time.
If I were you, I would insist he leave and do not let him back. Get your homestay student back in the house for the extra income, and move on with your life. You do not sound happy with the situation as it is, and you have your child to consider also.
Good luck and take care
I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but he is lost in his addiction and cannot be a responsible person at this time.
If I were you, I would insist he leave and do not let him back. Get your homestay student back in the house for the extra income, and move on with your life. You do not sound happy with the situation as it is, and you have your child to consider also.
Good luck and take care
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
As most folks here will tell you, it's not your job to manage his life. Nor is it possible for you or anyone else to manage his alcoholism.
Home should be a safe place where we can withdraw from the stress of everyday living in a healthy way. I agree that building your life, putting the pieces back together again, is your priority.
The only other option for you is to give your life over to supporting someone in every way who cannot take care of himself. I imagine you might want more than this from life.
Home should be a safe place where we can withdraw from the stress of everyday living in a healthy way. I agree that building your life, putting the pieces back together again, is your priority.
The only other option for you is to give your life over to supporting someone in every way who cannot take care of himself. I imagine you might want more than this from life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
We all make mistakes, you got yourself involved in a bad situation. You sound like a very smart, kind, loving person and he is taking advantage of you. I would make it crystal clear that the situation can not go on. You can have him removed if he doesn't leave on his own.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
How much more of this behavior will you put up with before you finally make him leave. You deserve peace in your life, not having to support an addict and his selfish behavior. When will you draw the line and start your own life? He's using you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: North Van BC
Posts: 2
Thank you all so much.
I needed to hear those from real people up there.
I know what I need to do but that is very hard to do.
I don't get it! I don't understand about addiction.
He knows he can have all he wants if he does't touch alcohols and he is greatful himself that he kept saying that he is not going to take alcohol control over him.
Knowing that, he has to take it once a while.....
Why? It sounsd so easy for me not to do it. I remember when I got supper drunk, I did something very emberasing things that I never want to put myself into the situation again.
Why doesn't he learn from his mistakes?
If there are someone who is like him, please explain to me why you can't be strong to protect yourself?
What makes you do to repeat this and hurt not only you but your loved ones??!!
I needed to hear those from real people up there.
I know what I need to do but that is very hard to do.
I don't get it! I don't understand about addiction.
He knows he can have all he wants if he does't touch alcohols and he is greatful himself that he kept saying that he is not going to take alcohol control over him.
Knowing that, he has to take it once a while.....
Why? It sounsd so easy for me not to do it. I remember when I got supper drunk, I did something very emberasing things that I never want to put myself into the situation again.
Why doesn't he learn from his mistakes?
If there are someone who is like him, please explain to me why you can't be strong to protect yourself?
What makes you do to repeat this and hurt not only you but your loved ones??!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
If you read on here for a bit you will see that addiction is not so much a matter of willpower, but a disease. With cravings and many physical and emotional manifestations. He can't think properly when it is calling to him. This is dangerous for him, and for you and your child. He has to get treatment and he will only do so when he is ready. In the meantime you must protect yourself and get him out of there. Also check the section called 'Friends and Family of Alcoholics' to learn more. Good luck and take care of yourself now.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,382
I'm sorry for your situation wish2.
Addiction doesn't work on logic. It's a lot more primal than that.
Promises I made sober were sincere - but all it needed was a bad day, a good week, someone to say wanna come for a drink...anyone of a hundred reasons and the idea of a drink is suddenly there in your head...
you think that maybe this time it'll be different...but it never was.
Once I took that first drink again? more drinks were all that mattered.
If you've ever read the book or seen the movie Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde it's a lot like that - to change completely, to become the monster, I just had to to drink the potion....
D
Addiction doesn't work on logic. It's a lot more primal than that.
Promises I made sober were sincere - but all it needed was a bad day, a good week, someone to say wanna come for a drink...anyone of a hundred reasons and the idea of a drink is suddenly there in your head...
you think that maybe this time it'll be different...but it never was.
Once I took that first drink again? more drinks were all that mattered.
If you've ever read the book or seen the movie Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde it's a lot like that - to change completely, to become the monster, I just had to to drink the potion....
D
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I'm sorry for your situation wish2.
Addiction doesn't work on logic. It's a lot more primal than that.
Promises I made sober were sincere - but all it needed was a bad day, a good week, someone to say wanna come for a drink...anyone of a hundred reasons and the idea of a drink is suddenly there in your head...
you think that maybe this time it'll be different...but it never was.
Once I took that first drink again? more drinks were all that mattered.
If you've ever read the book or seen the movie Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde it's a lot like that - to change completely, to become the monster, I just had to to drink the potion....
D
Addiction doesn't work on logic. It's a lot more primal than that.
Promises I made sober were sincere - but all it needed was a bad day, a good week, someone to say wanna come for a drink...anyone of a hundred reasons and the idea of a drink is suddenly there in your head...
you think that maybe this time it'll be different...but it never was.
Once I took that first drink again? more drinks were all that mattered.
If you've ever read the book or seen the movie Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde it's a lot like that - to change completely, to become the monster, I just had to to drink the potion....
D
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