Looking4Help123

They are ok. I am very early days. Just taking it a day at a time. I got through some bad nights and have gotten through my first weekend so pretty happy.

DG0409

Looking, the early days can be pretty tough. Way to go. That first weekend is a big deal. Lots of habits and triggers to work through. I've been lucky in that sleep has come easy to me throughout recovery- sometimes I didn't like needing so much of it, but I've slept like a rock. But early on, I had a lot of bad days to make up for the lack of bad nights.

DG0409

One thing that really helps me is to think about what the person I want to be would be doing in my situation. Generally, there is no reason why I can't be the sort of person I want to be. I don't know why this is such a powerful concept for me, but it is.

For example, I've found myself in a bit of a bad mood today over some stuff that is going on. My sort of initial tendency is to dwell, spend a lot of time on SR and neglect the things I should be doing in my life. That's really not the sort of person I want to be though. (Nothing wrong with spending time on SR, but sometimes I spend TOO much time on SR and it becomes as much of a way to avoid dealing with my life as the drugs or alcohol ever were. Still a better way to avoid things, but not what I'm aiming for in my life.)

I want to be the sort of person that finds productive things to do. I want to be the sort of person that focuses on positive things. I want to be the sort of person that makes the most of life. I want to be the sort of person that overcomes bad feelings rather than feeling overcome by bad feelings.

So, why not be that person?

Just for today, I will focus on being the person I want to be.

Elseware

DG, that last was a powerful post for me. I could do that, too. Be the person I want to be. Actually THINK what that is and CHOOSE it. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and just giving into being a hopeless, depressed person. Thank you for posting that.

DG0409

Glad it was helpful to you Elsie. I don't know why exactly, but I find that way of looking at things to be very powerful for me too. If only I could remember it more often!

brazilian

I believe in choice, the power of free will, but I'm in a moment that I just can't choose to be happy and productive and full of energy to live. I just don't know how to do it. Hope everything will get better.

DG0409

Today I'm thinking about the importance of gratitude. I've kept a gratitude thread on SR since I joined and today, it hit Part 2!! I post on it nearly every day.

First and foremost, I'm grateful to be clean and sober each day. I'm grateful for the wonderful support on SR. I'm grateful to be really working my recovery and to see so much positive growth and change in my life.

Sometimes, being grateful is a challenge. Sometimes I have to force myself to think of things I'm grateful for, but it's rewarding to try. The times when it is a challenge are probably the times when it is the most important.

I've been somewhat non-productive today. By which I mean that I haven't gotten any work done. But I am thankful that I have a flexible job and I can get away with that. I am thankful that my average level of productivity is so much higher than it used to be. And the day isn't over. I am thankful I still have time to turn things around and get a few things done.

DG0409

Brazillian, sometimes we have to start with baby steps. It might not be possible to suddenly feel happy and productive and full of energy. But it is possible to take steps to work in that direction. Pick one thing to get done, pick one thing to do that you would enjoy, take some time to think about the things you have to be thankful for, or do something to take care of your health like eating a healthy meal or getting a little bit of exercise. You can certainly do things to work towards where you want to be.

brazilian

You are completely right. But this sickness is dragging me down. I have no energy, I feel tired and shortness of breath... if I come out in the sun I get a headache and feel really tired... I need a healing to pick myself up and get myself together.

About gratitude, I fully agree, it's essential. It's a great vibe, congratulations.

DG0409

Hey Brazillian, I know how frustrating it can be to be sick. Sometimes all you can do then is get lots of rest and take care of yourself.

DG0409

I'm feeling a little low energy today. And just a tad 'blah' about life. Not that I'm really feeling bad or anything.

I think I need to work on cutting the caffeine back out of my diet. I felt better when I wasn't drinking any. Then it kind of just slipped back in and I've been a bit complacent about it. I woke up with more energy when I wasn't drinking any and I'd like to get back to that.

So, might as well get on it. I've been at about 2 cups a day for a while, so I'll cut back to a cup a day for a week and then cut down further.

I don't know why this has been such a struggle for me. I quit all the other stuff.

I'd really like to eliminate the caffeine again and then work on getting my sleep schedule such that I'm going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. I've been staying up late and getting up late since quitting alcohol and that's not really the schedule I'd like to have.

DG0409

Today, after a productive day at work, I'm thinking about how things in that aspect of my life have improved for me in recovery.

At the end of my drinking days, things were falling apart for me at my job. Really, I'm lucky to still have it.

During early recovery, I really struggled at work still. I was easily exhausted and a lot of my energy was going to try to learn how to live life sober. I knew I wanted to do better at work though.

Bit by bit, things have improved. My motivation is coming back. It's easier for me to sit down and concentrate for longer periods of time. My social anxiety has improved so it's easier for me to pick up the phone and call my clients. I'm better at calling people back in a reasonable period of time and better at putting in more time on projects.

I feel so much less anxiety about things. I take care of things faster and that means they're not hanging over my head. I feel better about the service I provide to my customers. I feel better at myself. That motivates me to want to continue to improve.

It feels really good. I finally feel like I have work days where I'm doing as much as I should.

DG0409

Not sure I have a specific topic for today, but here's what is on my mind.

I've successfully cut the caffeine down to one cup of caffeinated coffee a day, so that is progress. And I managed to get up a little bit earlier today too. I'd really like to get to where I am getting up a bit earlier and able to do work in the morning. I'm good about getting work done in the afternoons, but I'd like to be more productive overall at work and getting in a few morning hours would really improve things for me.

My boyfriend was prescribed pain pills yesterday. In the past I would have taken a few of them. While I had my regular addictions, I'd also do whatever came along that promised a good buzz. Not today. It's good to be away from that place.

Another day ahead. Today, I'd like to make a bit of progress on a project that I am working on at work. I guess I better get on it!

DG0409

Today I'm looking forward to doing some chores around the house this weekend. I'm kind of in the mood for it. I really like cleaning and organizing things as there is instant progress and I just love for things to look nice and neat.

Nothing really exciting, but I'm excited for it. And I really don't miss the 'excitement' that came with my addict/alcoholic days.

Yesterday, I bought some picture frames and framed and hung-up some artwork that I had. It's a small thing, but I feel really good about it. It used to be I didn't have money for frames for all of the artwork I have so I couldn't put anything on the wall. Or I had the money, but I'd rather spend it on alcohol or weed. I'm ridiculously proud of having a few pieces hanging up now.

DG0409

Well, I took on a project around the house this weekend. I don't want to be too specific as I try to avoid posting too much identifying information. The project was slightly outside of my comfort zone. It was something that had needed to be done for a couple of years, but in my drinking days I didn't always tackle the things that needed done.

So, I'd figured out what part I needed for it and ordered it off the internet. I got part way through the project and just couldn't figure out what the heck I was doing or how to finish it. End result was that I wasted all weekend to accomplish nothing.

There's a Yoda quote from Star Wars: "There is no try. Just do." But sometimes you don't know what you can do or not do until you try. I prefer another quote about failure instead. I'm not sure what the exact quote is or where it comes from but it's something like "If you don't fail at anything, you're not trying enough stuff."

I might not have succeeded at my project, but I think it says a lot that I tried. Even though it was outside of my comfort zone. I think there's another quote about this stuff: "Better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all."

Dee74

Don't be too hard on yourself DG.
It's not failure....you just haven't succeeded yet

D

DG0409

Thanks Dee.

I'm going to have to do something I'm not very good at to get this one: ask (or pay) for some help. It's beyond me and I just wish I could do it myself. But one way or another I am going to get it figured out.

DG0409

Well, it's 8 months no weed for me today. (OK, minus two small slips which I feel kind of obligated to mention somehow.)

It feels good to see my numbers growing. The further I get into sobriety, the more comfortable it becomes and the better I feel about many things.

I feel more and more emotionally stable. I LIKE being clean and sober!!

DG0409

I know I have to break up with my boyfriend. At this point, it's just hanging over me and I feel like my life and recovery is going to be on hold until I do. I feel like I can't move forward with that in the way. I know it's time to act soon. I can't go on living like this. I almost don't even want to post in this thread right now, but I guess it's still good to check-in and see where I am at with things. I have to get past this.

Elseware

Alone for a while is not so bad. Just bite the bullet and pull that old bandaid off. You will be disgruntled and sad for a bit but then you'll be a breathtaking BUTTERFLY!