Quitting Tomorrow
"I Need a Miracle Everyday"
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 2
Quitting Tomorrow
I can't believe I'm in this position, but I am and I have to quit. I am an alcoholic and a pot head. I did five weeks Partial hosp. In march '12. Started AA after that. Went most mornings as I was unemployed and my daughter was in school. Had one sponsor, didn't work. I talked in there, but never did any step work. Never felt I totally belonged, though I had some pretty good friends there.
Relapsed in 10-12, a little drinking, a few pills and a lot of weed. I went a little nuts with it. Went back to rehab for four more weeks. Got a little further into my issues. Relapsed in April, '13 with weed. Finally got a stressful, horrible, part time job and smoked whenever possible. I have an awesome dealer for the most part. No waiting, great stuff and cheap. Of course nothing is free. Anyway, I ended up getting my job back that I left 10 years ago, managing a Hmong and Lao senior program that I stated 18 years ago. Much has changed. The program is in bad shape and is really complicated and has tons of insane circumstances I just can't handle whilst using. I really want to succeed. All I do no is sit in my car and get high. I'm going to get caught as I smoke and drive. I am going to lose everything if I don't get my act together. I am a disaster waiting to happen. So I am going to quit tomorrow. I have some support, but I suck at asking for help. I know drinking is around the corner. Getting high is only half the deal for me. I want to get twisted. I have been doing some step one stuff, and just WOW, no doubt I am a self destructing train wreck.
I've never posted on a board before, and I guess this is kinda long, but I think I had to get it out. Thanks for reading.
Relapsed in 10-12, a little drinking, a few pills and a lot of weed. I went a little nuts with it. Went back to rehab for four more weeks. Got a little further into my issues. Relapsed in April, '13 with weed. Finally got a stressful, horrible, part time job and smoked whenever possible. I have an awesome dealer for the most part. No waiting, great stuff and cheap. Of course nothing is free. Anyway, I ended up getting my job back that I left 10 years ago, managing a Hmong and Lao senior program that I stated 18 years ago. Much has changed. The program is in bad shape and is really complicated and has tons of insane circumstances I just can't handle whilst using. I really want to succeed. All I do no is sit in my car and get high. I'm going to get caught as I smoke and drive. I am going to lose everything if I don't get my act together. I am a disaster waiting to happen. So I am going to quit tomorrow. I have some support, but I suck at asking for help. I know drinking is around the corner. Getting high is only half the deal for me. I want to get twisted. I have been doing some step one stuff, and just WOW, no doubt I am a self destructing train wreck.
I've never posted on a board before, and I guess this is kinda long, but I think I had to get it out. Thanks for reading.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
Welcome Thank You Jerry. 
You found a wonderful place where we all understand. I think you'll feel right at home here.
Some never see what their addiction is doing to them - be thankful you do. I had to have dui's and all sorts of chaos before I finally admitted I had to stop. I held on to the idea that I could control it for decades. Looking back, I have no idea why I was afraid to let go - it was tearing my world apart. It will be so good when you're free of it - you can do this! Please keep posting and reading here.
You found a wonderful place where we all understand. I think you'll feel right at home here.Some never see what their addiction is doing to them - be thankful you do. I had to have dui's and all sorts of chaos before I finally admitted I had to stop. I held on to the idea that I could control it for decades. Looking back, I have no idea why I was afraid to let go - it was tearing my world apart. It will be so good when you're free of it - you can do this! Please keep posting and reading here.
"I Need a Miracle Everyday"
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 2
Thanks everyone. I guess I am going to throw myself into work. I have permission to work more hours to start really fixing things, but it's hard computer, staff, budget, etc, stuff that I hate. I'd much rather leave as soon as possible so I can smoke the rest of the day and accomplish nothing.
I'll make sure to have healthy food and drink water instead of diet Pepsi when I can. I just need to stick to the basics.
I only stopped going to AA completely in July and August, but then CIA Bob called me enough that I went back and he cracked me like an egg. 75 years old. Incredible guy. That was when I started to get honest. My smoking was ruined.
I suppose I will go talk to this woman that said she would help me if I wanted. I'm horrible at relationships though and I push people away. I am a Highly Sensitive Person and have a creative personality. I am just learning about this, but it's helped me tremendously to explain why I am how I am and that it's okay. I don't believe it though. I don't trust she really just wants to help me. We've had a ****** two weeks and I've only talked to her a month ago, though she's at the club everyday. She kinda scared me. This is a whole different subject. Even though I believe i am right to pull back in some ways, I need to accept any help I can get.
I am going to work very hard to chill-ax about everything. I think I'm freaking about, but my pride keeps me from reaching out.
I'll make sure to have healthy food and drink water instead of diet Pepsi when I can. I just need to stick to the basics.
I only stopped going to AA completely in July and August, but then CIA Bob called me enough that I went back and he cracked me like an egg. 75 years old. Incredible guy. That was when I started to get honest. My smoking was ruined.
I suppose I will go talk to this woman that said she would help me if I wanted. I'm horrible at relationships though and I push people away. I am a Highly Sensitive Person and have a creative personality. I am just learning about this, but it's helped me tremendously to explain why I am how I am and that it's okay. I don't believe it though. I don't trust she really just wants to help me. We've had a ****** two weeks and I've only talked to her a month ago, though she's at the club everyday. She kinda scared me. This is a whole different subject. Even though I believe i am right to pull back in some ways, I need to accept any help I can get.
I am going to work very hard to chill-ax about everything. I think I'm freaking about, but my pride keeps me from reaching out.
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