anchorbird

Today marks 3 weeks sober and I can NOT shake this funk. I went to the gym this morning hoping my daily exercise would help, but I only made it through half of my workout before I broke into tears.

I know that there are things that will take me out of my mind without drinking, so I am going to attempt those today. I have cookies to decorate, a wreath to finish making and I am going to call my sponsor. Honestly though, I just want to crawl back into bed and stay there all day.

The last time I felt this bad was in 2008 (I wasn't even drinking then), right before I had a nervous breakdown and took myself to the ER.

hypochondriac

How about talking to a doctor Anchorbird? Do you have support as well? Although a funk is perfectly normal when first getting sober it is best to be on the safe side... x

Cathryn2001

Anchorbird, I commend you on so many things: 3 weeks of sobriety (whoohoo!), taking action/being productive to try to feel better, and acknowledging your feelings. None of those things are easy to do, but you're doing the work.

Given the history you described, definitely consider the advice Hypochondriac gave you re: consulting with your doctor. She/he may be able to suggest options to help you feel better. Also, be as gentle as yourself as possible; during my early sobriety, I put minimal requirements on myself--my biggest job was staying sober. I felt, because I had abused my body/brain for so long, they deserved a "vacation" (books, TV, baths).

Thinking of you!

LadyBlue0527

Your subject line is your AV screaming from the rooftops. Is this true? That you really were less depressed when you were drinking or is it that you used alcohol to cover up what was bothering you?

I'm depressed, I'm lonely, I'm bored all equate to "I can't drink and I hate that fact".

You know what though? All of those also mean "I'm doing whatever it is that's necessary to not drink". For me I call it boo boo face. Please don't get me wrong, I am not making light of your situation and I feel bad that you feel this way. I call it what I do because the feeling reminds me of when I was young and my parents told me that I wasn't going to get my way no matter what and I had to accept the fact.

Cathryn's post nails it. Be easy on yourself. This is hard work and you're doing it! Feel good about that. I like getting lost in a good book when I'm feeling this way. In the beginning it was movies.

What makes you happy?

Mountainmanbob

we think that sometimes when we first sober up
but
given some time with doing the right healthy things
we realize that we feel and do life much better
than in the old drinking days

you need to just fight the good battle for now
so as to stay sober
and
not to deceive ourselves into thinking otherwise

MM

Anna

I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. I was also very down in the early days of recovery because I was dealing with a lot of guilt and shame. What I know is that it gets better. If you are concerned about your depression, do talk to your dr. There may be help for you. And, try to be patient and to continue to make positive changes to your life.

mecanix

drinking a depressant like alcohol will not make things better , at 3 weeks for me i was still going through the withdrawl effects of alcohol , i think they peaked at about 6 weeks and went on for about 6 months , maybe 18 months if you include wooly headedness .

I assume you need to give up alcohol for good ? If so it's best to only do it once so as to minimise the adverse effects .

normal people do not consider alcohol as a fix for depression , going to the Dr and talking about it is usually the first stage in getting help and actually dealing with it and sorting it out for the long term rather than smothering any uncomfortable feelings short term with booze and lurching from crisis to crisis , drama to drama .

Bestwishes, m

RobbyRobot

You might try to more separate your personal subjective feelings of whatever from your ongoing thinking's and ideations. Often enough we can get somewhat confused and overwhelmed by attempting to "solve everything" all in an effort to "feel okay"

Try focusing on a feeling or two in relation to a persistent negative topic of your thinking. I suggest looking at some past shames and lousy consequences from past drinking as a good starting place. We all too often beat ourselves up for our past misfortunes. Nothing good comes from a personal beat-down of ourselves.

And depression is of course a treatable condition, if it comes to that. It is common to be somewhat depressed when we quit drinking and begin our morph into a better chosen lifestyle. Time is relative to this healing process, and everyone has their own drumbeat to help them follow through with their convictions and responsibilities.

Take it easy. Enjoy as much as you can within your early success!

spinape

What you are going through is normal. Look up alcohol PAWS. I felt nearly all of the symptoms. Just know it's normal to feel like that and it will pass, and yes, if may be wise to see a doctor.

jdooner

Anchorbird, I too felt exactly like you did during parts of the first month. It was helpful to me to understand why. You are depriving your brain from a drug that releases dopamine, which is pleasurable. So your mind it literally telling you to cut the crap and feed it booze and throwing you into a depression to try and kick start this through increased seratonin levels. There is much in the web that you can Google to see that this is not nonsense.

So what does this mean? It means you have to do whatever you can to make it through these tough times bc It too shall pass. Once you can get to the other side its amazing! Its tough to see it right now but try to hang in there, you are close to breaking through these clouds and blue sky is around the corner.

Meet with your Dr., sleep, do whatever you can but don't cave, you are close.

beancounter26

anchorbird, stay strong. 3 weeks sober is an amazing accomplishment. I am still working my way there. I know that when you take something away from your body that it was so accustomed to having to maintain homeostasis, your body now has to find a way to readjust without it. I am sure that will make you feel out of sorts in itself. If you have had issues with depression while not drinking in years prior, then it may be resurfacing now that you have taken the dirty alcohol blanket off of it. Depression is very treatable and there is lots of help out there for you. Please remember, no doctor has ever prescribed alcohol as a cure for depression. Please don't pick up that first glass.

EndGameNYC

Hi anchorbird.

I don't know if you're going to AA meetings or have any other FTF support in your recovery. I achieved sobriety in working the AA Big Book Twelve Steps, but I don't push AA here or anywhere else.

What AA did for me in early sobriety was take me out of my depressed and anxious self. Just being around other people, other people who were struggling to get sober, raised my adrenalin and forced me to listen to what other people were going through. I went from dying to feeling alive.

Unlike here, I could read the anguish, despair and joy on people's faces, from their body language and from their tone of voice. People shook my hand, patted me on my shoulder and engaged in other appropriate forms of physical contact...human contact.

I went to as many meetings as I could stand in the beginning, so I was always busy and felt that I was always working on my sobriety. I imagine I was healing in ways I could not even perceive.

People called me and checked in with me. They offered help. They talked me to sleep late at night. They invited me to lunch, dinner and coffee. As much as I hated being around people when I first got sober, I rarely felt alone. They reminded me constantly that I wasn't going to feel the way I was feeling forever.

Getting sober in relative isolation is a horror show that always has the same ending. For many people, the thinking is something along the lines of, "Well, if this is the way I'm going to feel, I might as well drink."

Reach out for help, and take everything that's offered. If nothing else, this will get you into the routine of knowing that when you offer help to another, that you'll be doing something very powerful and very healing for yourself.

83mama0f2

What I have learned is that alcohol can effect the brain, hormones, adrenals and neurotransmittors. I wasn't depressed but dealing with major anxiety after stopping. Saw a naturopath, had some biofeedback done, was given homeopathic drops and feel great now. Look into it ! I don't understand how it works, but it does, so I'm rolling with it!

soberhawk

I am sorry it is hard anchorbird.

I think there have many good advices here.

There is a balance with such things in my view.

I do use exercise to battle depression or at least feeling blue.

Sometimes we just need to go through some feelings and it is OK cry and crawl back into bed and feel miserable.

We are not happy and fully functional all the time and that is fine in my book.

I will get better – if it does not or it gets to hurtful you need to reach out for help.

sugarbear1

Sounds like Untreated Alcoholism to me.

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel so low Anchorbird - why not speak with your Dr?

D

Aiko

DO NOT DERAIL.....!!!
JUST KEEP THE TRAIN STRAIGHT AHEAD!!!
THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL....
JUST KEEP GOING STRAIGHT...!!!

Even people that are not addicted have BAD days and want to crawl back to bed.

The difference is we use that when we have a bad day as an excuse...

You might need more support with psychologist or your Dr.

Just Hold the fort a bit longer and you will be ok!!!
You can do it!!!

Elysium

Anchorbird,
I'm sorry I didn't get to check in with you earlier today. How are you doing this evening? Did you get through the day?
I feel for you. I truly do. On days like this, it's best to put on some good, upbeat music. Or watch your favorite comedy on tv. I know you don't want to make the effort, but force yourself. You'll be glad in the end.

anchorbird

Hello everyone. I did make it through the day! I just got off the phone with my sponsor and she reassured me that this will pass. I didn't make it to an AA meeting today which didn't help my mood. I can't wait to go to one tomorrow!

I do have a therapist and will bring this "funk" up with him. Thank you for all of your support,

Elysium

Yay!!!!!