dirk626

Day 12 and I’m getting a little nervous. For an odd reason though. I’m nervous because this almost seems too easy. I’m not feeling the cravings that I have in the past this time. My AV isn’t saying nearly as much either. I posted a few times about some mild urges and how the monster was sniffing around once or twice, but that’s it. Usually when I try to stop drinking I am bombarded by the AV, rationalizing, coaxing, twisting reality etc..

My pattern was to stop off on my way home from work and buy my nights supply of beer. I wouldn’t just by a 12 pack either. I would buy a 40oz beer and 4 24oz beers, because that’s a little over 11 beers and not 12. WTF! I would also never buy cases of beer. Never more than one night’s ration. No, because alcoholics stockpile booze. I don’t know if that was really the reason or if somehow, subconsciously, I knew that I would drink myself sick if I had it in the house. Normally, on the days I didn’t drink the drive home was something else. The drive home was in itself a trigger. God forbid that my wife ask me to stop on the way home for something, game over. Not this time. The last few days I haven’t thought about drinking on the way home at night whatsoever. Tonight I stopped at the grocery store for some dish soap and didn’t even think about alcohol. I didn’t realize it until after I had left the store and was back on the road.

Being at work with a clear mind is allowing me to see the areas were I have been neglecting my job. I’m embarrassed. I have always prided myself on my ability to contribute. I’ve been thinking about that lately as well. I have belonged to and worked for some outstanding organizations over the years. I’ve been extremely lucky in that regard. I have never wanted for work. I look back now and realize that I owed them my best! They deserved it, and they didn’t get. I’m pissed at myself. Again, what could be now if I had given it the effort it deserved then… any effort in any area of life? Thanks for the support and I wish all of you the best…keep staying the course!

beancounter26

That is awesome Dirk! Perhaps it is because you are working on your sobriety daily and serious about it. reading and posting on here every day is like daily therapy for me. A constant reinforcement and reminder is why I am here. I am on day 14 now and when I look back at my first post on November 1 I am horrified and saddened at who I was just two weeks ago. I feel so different now.

I have daily cravings, but I just think about how far I have come and I don't want to give that up. I love waking up sober. I can actually put my drunk self and my sober self side by side in my mind and then the choice becomes easy.

I know you said it was easy, and I am so glad that it is not a horrible struggle for you, but please don't let your guard down. This addiction knows how to play its cards, so just keep that in mind.

Your posts are always so inspiring! I look forward to reading them daily. Have a great day!!

trudgingagain

Good for you, dirk! I bypass the alcohol aisles in the stores As for alcoholics "stockpiling" booze, that wasn't the way I did it. I never hid bottles or stockpiled....I rationed. I would buy what I expected to drink that night. Often times, though, I would drink that and then drive to the store to get more (or send my...then...husband). For me, I could never keep booze in the house....or I would drink it....so ...no stockpiling here. (We actually have 2 bottles of wine in the house now...but I did hide them in the back of the cupboard so I don't see them. My husband still drinks, but I asked him to keep his beer out in the garage and not in the fridge....he happily abliged

dirk626

Agreed. That's what makes me nervous about it being easy thus far. I know that I'm likely falling into some false sense of security. Knowing that I think I can be on guard for the ambush from "it", if and when it comes. I always appreciate your encouragement! Please know that you have mine as well.

dirk626

Yep Trudgingagain, I'm still amazed at how common my thoughts and actions where when I thought I was somehow unique! Stay strong and believe!

dirk626

So I had a pleasant surprise this morning. My employer has started a new wellness program and they brought a group in to conduct a voluntary health screening. The usual: blood pressure, pulse rate, height/weight, blood work etc.. For the last ten years I have been borderline hypertensive with a BP of about 138/82. Sometimes a little higher or a little lower but in that range. The doctor, when I go, reminds me that I'm close to medication if I don't get my act together and clean up my lifestyle. With two weeks of sobriety and no other lifestyle changes, my BP was 116/70 this morning with a pulse of 66. I couldn't believe it! Can that be? I know alcohol abuse raises blood pressure, but holy cow! Maybe they took it wrong. I get the blood work back in a couple of days. I'm anxious to see were I'm at. I expect to have to make further changes and intend to, but this is just more positive reinforcement that the poison has no place in this mans life!

trudgingagain

Good for you, Dirk! I have heard about alcohol raising blood pressure too, but mine somehow always stayed within normal limits...Keep it up!

beancounter26

Hi Dirk, day 15 for me today! Congrats on the great health news! You know it can only get better from here!

Yesterday morning I decided to add a new healthy change to my life since I had a handle on the drinking foolishness. I have been allowing myself to eat all the junk that I wanted as a way to pacify myself these past couple of weeks; so, I decided to get my diet back in order. I got on the scale to give myself a reference point and was shocked that I had lost 5 pounds in two weeks without even knowing! All from simply not drinking.

I love the nice surprises that come along with sobriety!

Today is your 2 week mark, as well! Congratulations. Have a great day!

dirk626

I posted this in the "Class of November 13" thread and wanted to share here. As you may have read, I have been kind of working up to this quit. In October I went 21 days without a drink and that was the longest dry spell since 95'. Before that I went about 16 days in August. August was rough. That was total will power over cravings and non-stop badgering from the AV. I failed. I began reading books, blogs, articles, anything I could get my hands on concerning addiction and how to get and stay sober. I started watching youtube videos of other people that have gotten sober. There are a couple of really motivating and inspirational video blogs out there. I have been working to reprogram the way I think about alcohol. It is really working. Two weeks today and it has been the easiest two weeks soberiety in decades.

I wanted to pass on two exercises that I learned from others that I think helped me make a mental switch.

1. I sat down and wrote out what my best day looked like. From waking to going to bed at the end of the day. Not winning the lottery and being married to a movie star, but what my best day really looks like. One thing that surprised me was that other than family, nothing in my best day looks like my current life. If I feel an urge coming on now one of the things I can do is think about how drinking will effect me getting to that best day.

2. I wrote a goodbye letter to alcohol. I poured out my anger and rage at alcohol like it was a person. A person that I had had a long relationship with. A break up letter.

Keep up the good fight all, and have a great day!

trudgingagain

Good ideas, Dirk! Congrats to you and beancounter on 2 weeks or 15 days

dirk626

Day 15 and feeling good. I took my wife to a movie tonight. We haven't been to a movie in a couple of years. Talk about sticker shock. Initially I was kind of put out by the cost. Then I relized that over the last 15 days I have saved somewhere between $150 - $180 by not drinking! Hell, we could have gone to a couple of more movies. Over the last couple of days I have been thinking pretty deep. Not complete thoughts but glimpses and moments of extreme clarity. Kind of a weird feeling. I'm going to focus on developing those thoughts and see where they go. Meaning of life kind of stuff.

To all my new friends stay strong and keep moving forward!!! Have a good weekend.

dirk626

Oh, I was actually able to relax and enjoy the movie. Two weeks ago I would have not wanted to go to the movie because it would be cutting into my drinking time. If I had gone, I would have spent the entire time wanting the movie to get over so that I could get home and get drunk!

beancounter26

My problem is our theaters here in NC serve beer and wine. I used to get obliterated before the credits rolled. There is a new Vince Vaughn movie coming out next weekend that I really want to go see. I'll have another week under my belt, but I will decide next week if I feel like I am ready for a movie without my usual bottle of wine. Might have to settle for a pay-per-view movie at home.

dirk626

Yeah beancounter, they serve alcohol at this theater as well. They remodeled since the last time I had been there. They added a bar in the lobby and removed all of the traditional theater seating and put in leather reclining chairs. They must have lost 60% of their seating capacity. I like the changes. As far as the bar goes, it was never there so it wasn't a trigger for me. No history of drinking at the theater... You're doing so well! You'll know when it's time. As far as I go, I've decided not to avoid people or places to avoid temptation. With that being said I'm not a bar drunk. My dad was a bar drunk. He did all his drinking at various corner bars until his 50's then he became a couch drunk. Once I got married I had no desire to hang out in the bars. I'm a solitary drunk, a couch drunk. Thinking about it know it's probably worse to be a couch drunk.

trudgingagain

Wow....now I REALLY feel old! Alcohol in movie theatres????? Well, I do think that they were just putting them in or remodeling theatres in that way in LA just before we left the US...yes, now I am sure of it! I do remember thinking how cool it would be to go and have a drink and dinner while watching a movie....and I was sober then! YIKES! Glad you are able to not avoid people, places or things that might cause temptation, dirk...for me, I need some more sobriety under my belt before I am willing to put my toe into those waters....day 34 here!

dirk626

Whooweee! 34 days...great job! I can't wait to be there. I say I've made the decision not to avoid people or places, but being a solitary drunk it isn't that hard. I don't have much of a social life anyway.

trudgingagain

Awwww....dirk...I can actually relate to that. Since retiring, I don't have much of a social life either....I drank a lot at home, as well. BUT, I would drink if we did go out, either alone or with friends.....didn't really matter. Thanks for the congrats..it gets better every day

dirk626

Day 18. A couple issues are starting to surface at this point. Second guessing my life. Not my relationships, but just about everything else. I think my personal relationships are being repaired quicker than I would have expected. I now have the time and the presence of mind to think about the choices I've made and to analyze where I'm at and compare it to where I want to be.

I've made two significant career changes while abusing alcohol and now I'm wondering if it wasn't for the booze would I have made any change? I was afraid this might happen. When one gets sober, one has to face the f****d up mess one has made of life! I'm going to sit on all these thoughts for a while and see how it shakes out. Sobriety is new and I don't trust what's going on inside my head just yet.

Stay sober and never second guess your decision to be that way!

Nonsensical

Edited part of your post to put a little positive spin on there.

Congrats on 18 days!

dirk626

Thanks Nonsensical! You're right.