ForeverANewGuy

I've been in AA for 5 months now. Life has gotten better. I feel extremely indecisive, insecure, highly sensitive, and internationally alone. Ive been reading self help books. Ive talked to therapists. I moved into a house with two others in recovery. It still seems like I cant stop beating myself up. I envision an AA Nazi screaming at me and I it makes want to break a face. Should I take meds? Go get loaded, screw my life up, and if I survive Ill be more grateful? How do I help others when I feel so worthless? Can anyone help?

least

Welcome to SR! Why do you feel so worthless? I'd work on building some self esteem to bolster your sagging confidence. I used to think I was worthless too but my counselor was able to help me with that issue. I no longer wake up hating myself.

Would counseling be an option for you?

Congrats on five months sober!

pmv

What your feeling is absolutely normal for 5 months. Go to a lot of meetings, talk to people, get a sponsor. You can be helpful by telling people with less time than you how you got 5 months.

Dee74

I had very low self esteem and a lot of self loathing when I quit. A little bit of counselling helped, but what really helped was volunteering in my community.

It helped me get out of my own head, made me remember that others had problems too - and doing good helped me begin to forgive myself for past mistakes.

I reallly recommend it.

D

Jkb69

For me exersise and yoga helps. Studies show that exercise gives better results than depression medicine.

FeenixxRising

It sounds to me like you're getting ahead of yourself. You need to help yourself before you can help others to a large degree. Concentrate on your sobriety for now. You've made it five months, you certainly shouldn't feel worthless; you should feel proud. Pat yourself on the back each day that your sober. That's a job well done.

trudgingagain

Congrats on 5 months! Keep in mind, though, that 5 months is still pretty new...I had quite a few years, a few times, ultimately relapsing again (18 days now sober again). Just wondering what makes you feel like there are AA Nazis? (Although I can relate to this...my first sponsor seemed like one...lol) Maybe you should also look at some other programs out there as well (i.e. SMART, AVRT, etc.)....just a thought....AND...just so you know, you helped me today

LadyBlue0527

Wow, this post speaks to me tenfold. I'm glad that you're here FANG (hope you don't mind that I shortened the name but I found it pretty neat actually once I typed it). I often see replies to me as LB and get a kick out of it.

Five months here too and you're singing my song. I also am in AA. About the only difference is that I don't have any anger. Are you working the steps at all? That helped me tremendously with the anger that I had in the beginning.

I do identify with the rest. This led me to the decision that I was feeling unnecessary and worthless and I sought out something that would help me to alleviate that. I start an intensive training program this week to do volunteer services. I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle it but the intensity of the training will be the deciding factor. I'm intrigued and very much looking forward to giving back to the community. Working directly with people in a caring and compassionate position has always interested me and doing it from the heart makes it so worthwhile. It just feels good and right.

There are a lot of great suggestions in this thread. It does sound like you have some anger going on there but it more sounds like something is missing which is leaving you unfulfilled. Maybe some volunteer work might fill that gap? You'd be amazed at the rewards you get out of giving from the heart. It doesn't cost anything and the return is amazing.

Glad to meet a fellow 5 monther

neferkamichael

ForeverANewGuy, 5 months sober is FANTASTIC. Congratulations. More than anything else in the 3 years 3 months I have been sober, I have just "suffered through" all the junk circulating in my brain and all the feelings of extremely indecisiveness, insecurity, high sensitivity, and internationally loneliness have practically vanished. It takes a long time to change so just hang in there. Rootin for ya.

Hevyn

Welcome Forever! Joining us should help you a lot - you're among friends who truly understand what you're going through.

I felt like you do at 5 months. It's a wonderful accomplishment - but still early days yet. You'll go through many phases as you heal. I was stuck on the beating myself up phase for awhile, but I finally realized that guilt & remorse were useless emotions. There's nothing to be gained by being harsh with yourself. Try to be kind and patient as you adjust to the new you. Keep posting and let us know how it's going.

ForeverANewGuy

Thank you all so much! All of your replies are much appreciated. I have worked the steps, seen counsel, and am reading self-help books/workborks full of useful suggestions. Giving back now sounds a little more do able for me. Patiently loving myself sounds necessary. Again, thank you all

silentrun

Congrats on your 5 months. I berated myself all day long for years while I drank. It took awhile for me to realize what I was doing it even after I sobered up. That's one of the benefits to me of being sober. I can see what I am doing wrong and fix it. If you think talking to someone would help you then you should do that but it would seem par for someone in early sobriety. Give yourself some credit for surviving all of that and coming back as far as you have.

Anna

Good for you for getting 5 months sober!

I think you should focus on feeling better about yourself before you worry about helping others. It sounds like you're working hard on your recovery. Are you doing anything for fun? What I know for sure is that balance is crucial to my recovery.

pmv

Helping others was essential early in my recovery to take the focus off myself and my pity pot. I had a car so I would take newcomers to meetings from sober live ins, got a coffee commitment, service was important. 5 months is a long time to be loligagging. Just my 2 cents.

wehav2day

FANG, (Hope you don't mind me using LB's initials for you I think they are cool too!)

First off, CONGRATS ON 5 MONTHS!!! that is huge and if you aren't proud of yourself for that, maybe I can be proud for you and it will spill over your way. you are doing great.

have you looked up PAWS? (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). This can go on for up to 2 years. at first, I thought "this sucks!!!" then, I realized that it's really a wake up call to a) be kind to yourself because it takes a long time to heal your body and your mind and b) holy crap, if I drink again I have to start this whole dang process ALL OVER. be kind to yourself, you are doing great.

worthless? are you kidding me? you are helping others every day. hold a door for anyone lately? helping. stop your car and let anyone pass? helping. say thank you? helping! chances are, every sober day you have is helping others. now if you would like to expand upon that, volunteering is a GREAT idea for three reasons: it is service which immediately and directly helps others, it takes up time that otherwise might be spend drinking, and it gets you out of your own head. that last one is especially important in early sobriety. oh, and you know what? you helped me in writing your post. so thank you for that!

hope this helps you. you are very worthwhile and kudos on 5 months. take care, wehav