lysithea02

I know I drink too much. It's been affecting my life, more and more. I want to stop, but I feel really trapped.

I've been drinking for the last I guess 4 years, just a couple nights a week of beer or wine but now it's pretty much every day after 8pm. The problem is, my spouse buys me the alcohol. He used to drink with me, but then he stopped. But he still buys it for me, even when I don't ask, even when I ask him not to... and I guess it's hard to say no when I know he makes it so easy. If I'm very firm he won't buy it for me for a day or two, but then he will again because he says I'm too hard to live with when I don't have a drink.

I guess I just wanted some advice. I've never posted on a forum on this topic...

firstymer

Hi, lyshithea02. Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us. There is a lot of support and helpful advice here if you are committed to sobriety.

When I first started reading posts here, I remember someone reminding us that the drink doesn't magically jump into our mouth. And nobody is physically forcing us to drink. It is a choice that we make OURSELVES. For me, once I made the choice to have the first drink, I would always have 5 or 10 more. That much was out of my control. But that FIRST drink - that was all me. If your spouse wants to keep bringing home liquor, so be it. Politely, (or not so politely if necessary) say no thanks. Just try to remember, if you are committed to stop drinking, NO ONE can make you take the first drink.

Good luck.

Dee74

Hi lysithea02

Welcome - there's tons of support here.

If you want change, I think you need to make changes.

I think you need to make it clear to your partner that you're not drinking anymore and that for a week or two you may be a bit irritable, although you'll try your best not to be....

I think anyone who has your best interests at heart would understand that and support you.

D

least

to SR! I'm glad you're here. You have every right to have your wishes heeded by your husband. And if he continues to bring it home you have the choice to not drink it. And if he sees the unopened bottles piling up he may get a clue that you're serious. But you have to be serious about stopping. It's simple but not easy but it can be done - I'm proof of that.

anyistoomuch

If you tell him not to buy it because you are trying to stop, and he buys it anyway, then open it in front of him and pour it down the drain.

Hevyn

Welcome to a wonderful place where we all understand.

I was so afraid to let go of it - but life is so much better and easier without it. It feels great to be free. You can do it lysithea.

venuscat

Hello lysithea,

Welcome to SR. This is a great place to talk, and to get the support we need to help us make that decision to let go of alcohol.

Yes, the irritability passes ~ I was so worried when I first stopped drinking that I would never be the fun, easy-going me that I THOUGHT I was when I was with my boyfriend.

What I found instead, was that I am a much kinder, loving person without the haze of the booze. I'm pretty sure the people in my life would agree that I am far easier to be around these days.

It really is worth it ~ it might be hard in the beginning, but it gets easier, and life becomes a far better place.

Much love,

Venus xx

lysithea02

I just don't know how to be strong enough to say no when it's right there. Why does he keep buying it? I just don't know how to be strong enough.

I'm so upset. I'm just a mess. I wake up every morning and decide it will be different!! And then it isn't. I don't know how to be better. This is so hard. And I can't go to AA because my MIL is there!! *cry*

Dee74

I think it's important to realise you need to change the situation here - if you can't speak to your husband, or if he's not listening, you're going to have to learn to say no and live with it 'in your face'.

one of the ways you can do that is find more support. You'll find a lot here - why not join our Class of November thread?

I'm not sure why your MIL knowing would be a bad thing - she's obviously there for the same reason you'd be?

but if you feel you need more support there are always online meetings and meetings in other places and towns - or even other meeting based recovery groups like SMART or LifeRing.

D

seashell2005

I am only 45 days sober (if we don't cound a relapse of 2 glasses of wine at a wine tasting party.) I can totally relate. Time to time my husband keeps buying vintage wine for me even though I told him I am *not drinking any more* but I he doesn't realise how serious I am about it. Last week he bought an expensive wine and I emptied it down the drain to avoid the temptation.

You just have to do whatever it takes to get the message accross. :-)

venuscat

How are you today/tonight lysithea?
I'm hoping you are not as upset, but I know this is really hard right now.
Can you talk to your husband again?
Sometimes we can say things differently, and be really heard.

Just know that we are here for you; you don't have to go through this alone.

Thinking of you,

Venus xx

EndGameNYC

Given your history with your husband, it's entirely possible that it was easier for him to deal with his mother while she was drinking as well.

Even were he to deny this, that would be exactly what most people would do -- the lying part, or the denial, if that's what this is -- if this were the case. It's difficult to know for certain, but he may be repeating or continuing a pattern of protecting himself that he learned at an early age. It's also possible that he's mimicking his father's behavior in response to his mother's drinking.

In the end, this is all about him. He seems to feel that he needs to sedate you in order to be with you when, in reality, the net effect is quite the opposite.