perfectlife

I have recently realized I am an alcoholic. It's hard to admit cause I always swore I wouldn't fall into this!!! Somehow I've become that person and its ruining my life. My life is so perfect. I have a job I love four amazing children and amazing family and the best guy a girl could have. Since I can remember I've wanted a beautiful family and I finally have it, but last night I almost lost it all! I'm not unhappy with life so why do I feel the urge to drink, I know it's not a good idea. Yet I still do it. I'm about to lose the family I love so much!! I need help getting on the right track.

WhoDey

perfectlife, I'm glad you found us. Lots of help and support to be found here.

I can relate to what you shared. My life too is great. Yet I continued to drink and put everything at risk.

You can stop when you're ready. That may be today or you may need more time. Take the time to read here ... and post ... lots to learn.

Again, welcome!

perfectlife

Today is the day!!! He almost walked out on me because he found out I've been hiding it from him. I never wanted this and want to fix it. But why do I want to drink when life is good and I know drinking is not for me!!!

IOAA2

Welcome and try to hang on. In the beginning I needed AA even if I didn't want to go and it turned out to be mine and millions of others lifesaver, IF we worked it. Many years later I'm grateful I stuck with it.

There is much info on this site to answer most questions as we read.

The reason most of us drink/drank regards our feelings and escape from those feelings. For many alcohol worked then it turned on us and carried us to unliked places both mind and body. The simple way to stop is just not pick up the first drink and we don't have to get sober AGAIN. Now I didn't say it's easy and a lot of long term work is needed to STAY sober. BE WELL

WhoDey

Congratulations on Day 1! That's a big step.

My drinking also had progressed to a hidden pasttime. Not good. I'm sure last night was tough, but it could be a step in the right direction if it leads you to sobriety.

I don't know why you want to drink. I'm still trying to figure out why I drink. I used to think it was because I enjoyed it. Now I'm thinking the root desire is much deeper. I used alcohol to cope. But not really coping ... more like avoidance of life's problems and stresses. I don't know if it was a conscious decision ... but that's what I was doing.

perfectlife

Thank u guys so much! I am scared of how to get through it. I want my family more than anything. Support from others lets me know I can do it.

WhoDey

You can do it.

I was really scared when I first came here. Scared to see that I had become something that I thought was for others. Yet relieved when I saw myself in the posts of others. Then I learned that it was possible to beat this addiction. Difficult, yes, but possible.

Right now I'm operating on faith. One step at a time.

perfectlife

I grew up in an alcoholic family swearing I'd never put my children through it. They r still too young to really see the affects, but the path I'm on it wont be long. My parents are sober and have been for awhile. I am so proud of them and they warned me this would happen.

RobbyRobot

It's weird how being happy or unhappy really has nothing to do with continuing drinking alcoholically - and yet most people generalize their feelings into good vs bad and then attach that to a good vs bad life and then decide from there if it makes sense to drink or not. In your case, you've decided it doesn't of course, and yet you have no idea why you can't just quit and be happy in your happy life.

Addiction ambivalence is when we both want and not want to drink all at the same time. This is experienced as urges and mental obsessions and confusion over taking that next drink. Without knowing what the right thing to do is, most people just find that having that drink is the working solution, even if only for a short time, as a means to be relived from all that stress/confusion and feel good. Of course, things go back to bad quickly enough, and the merry-go-round just keeps playing out. Drinking really doesn't make it better, but the illusion is still attractive. Pretty weird.

The good news is that this can all be understood in a way that enables you to quit drinking for good and enjoy that happy life without being all stressed out about alcohol and whatever else may be happening. You say you've recently decided your an alcoholic? Can I ask what being an alcoholic means to you? What do you want to do about being an alcoholic? What do you know about alcoholism?

Congrats on quitting!

ImperfectlyMe

From one momma to another not only can you do it, but you have to do it! The beginning is about breaking cycles and changing rituals. Relearning how to get through the evenings with out your drink of choice. I ordered a lot of take out the first couple of weeks, as cooking always involved drinking wine. Use to be "mom time"

I promise you once you get some time behind you, you won't be able to comprehend how you functioned before you quit! Get EXCITED.... Hang out here post and read as much as you can!

Congrats on day 1 WELCOME!!!

perfectlife

Like at this moment I'm so scared that I want to drink.

WhoDey

You are so lucky to have your parents as role models in how to overcome this. I have this forum, for which I'm extremely grateful, but in "real life" I can feel very much alone in my addiction.

My kids are a big motivator for me. You can do this, perfectlife. You'll discover many different paths to sobriety in these forums. Read and learn.

ImperfectlyMe

Distract yourself, stay on here, go to the book store. I recommend, " mommy doesn't drink here anymore", "drinking a love story" and " "best kept secret"

Hang in there you have nothing to be afraid of, if anything you have more to be afraid of if you drank!

perfectlife

I realized last night I didn't need to drink but I had an urge. The whole time I knew it was wrong. My Guy almost when he found out I was hiding it. I have seen the slow change in my parenting and the constant fighting it causes in my relationship. To me an alcoholic is someone who cannot function without alcohol or can't control it when u do drink.

perfectlife

Thanks so much everyone!!!!!

WhoDey

You know you can't control your drinking. You didn't want to drink, but did. You can see how your relationships have altered because of alcohol. Those are tremendous realizations. They really are.

This is Day 1 in becoming the person you want to be.

RobbyRobot

I'm an alcoholic and I can function without alcohol because I'm recovered. I agree with you about not controlling whatever when I drank. Yeah, that was so me.

Loose the thinking that has you screwed both ways as an alcoholic who wants to quit ie can't function without alcohol. This kind of thinking only makes it easier for you to drink. You can absolutely have a great life without alcohol.

Simple enough, eh? Changing our thinking is really an essential action in quitting and staying quit. Simple yeah, easy - not so much, lol.

I have empathy for you. I remember what it was like to really want that next drink to smooth everything out.

I haven't drank for many years now, and I have a great life too. So can YOU have a great non-drinking life!

Erratic

Hi perfect, im going through similiar probs. My husband is not happy with me and my daughter of 14 was not happy with me to drink.

I also come from a past of alcohol probs. my dad doesnt except he has prob, my grandfather drank and died not sure if stoumach was due to it.

My mother gave up drink due to something that they all keep to themselves.

When i hit 20 and binged drank i was told i wouldnt see 40, here i am 42 next week. however its caused alot of health probs. which really my parents dont excepts or understand, due to they seem ok. when i was 20 my dad said i had no probs with drink even though i drank him under the table.

saying that i do have mental illness which again they dont really know.

What im trying to say is, do it for yourself and yes your family. This place is a good start and im sure u will find right help in keeping your family like i have.

autan

Hi PerfectLife,

One of the things most important for me to learn, is I could spend a lifetime trying to make it through the day without drinking and somedays I could do it and some days I couldn't.

It wasn't until after around 36-48 hours after my last drink that I would get very severe flashbacks from my childhood. I couldn't control them or fight a war on two fronts. I couldn't get my drinking under control and deal with the underlying problems that lead me to drink.

Write down on a blank sheet of paper, all of the things that were negative in your childhood. Explore each of them and address, not hide from them. Get professional help !!!

I thought I could deal with things on my own and it was just a matter of being mentally tough.

My Wife has supported me more this time giving up alcohol than any other time, because she knew that with my personal situation, it wasnt just a case of I drank too much and needed to cut back. I had problems, big problems and when I got help and trust me, when you are in a hospital, you see all sorts, you see where you could be and who you might turn into if you dont get treatment properly.

Today is my day 1 too. I have been clean for a week in hospital and have had a huge amount of support from staff, family and the folks on here.

We are here for you too, we want you to use our experiences on how to keep clean, but also there are things you need to work out yourself too.

Your family is clearly very important to you as mine are to me. It is so important to get the help on offer and there is an abundance of help if you want it.

The folks who have been clean on here for a while all have one thing in common, all of them are happier without a drink in a glass than with one.

hayley86

Welcome perfectlife, there is tons of support here. Taking it one day at a time and keeping really busy helped me a lot in the early days. You can do this. I'm glad you have joined us. Best wishes.