Ugh!
 

Today was a good day until tonight. Met with my therapist making real stride and breaking through the clouds a bit. I am really loving this adventure, my adventure. Figuring out why I do things is so intriguing to me. I am seeing the roles of my parents and learning what to do and what not to do with my children.

I go under the knife in less than two weeks. Met with the surgeon and spilled the beans about being an addict. I am electing no pain meds for post op - a bit nervous. He said it was not his recommendation but admires my strength - what does that mean? Gulp. Can't even fall back on the old stick with some Jim Beam, lol! I am going to read up on meditation, as I think this may come in handy.

Separately, my wife hit 30 days sober today. I bought her a cake for us to all celebrate and also mentioned it to her mother. Well this was a mistake. My wife feels that I did it in spite and I am fearful she might relapse. I am off to a meeting and praying for the best. She also hates me as a result. While I believe the intentions were true, I am questioning if subconsciously there was a control element in my motives.

Anyhow, want to get this out there and off to my meeting - at least I will have plenty to share tonight.