wpainterw

Alko:

"my friend told me today to start cutting down before the trip.
He is worried bc he is a pharmacist and knows all I take...
but I do not want to... since 20/02/12 I have been fighting it.
I want to drink/use in peace before my trip...
and then I will get up the walls craving it
but just need this break from fighting it!"

This quote from one of your previous posts reminds me of the great Welsh poet Dylan Thomas just before his death. He too wanted a "last Hurrah" and left the Chelsea Hotel in New York for an evening of drinking at the White Horse, a local pub. He ended up in the hospital and died shortly afterwards. Please don't let this happen to you. Even if you survive your medicinal "preparations" I doubt very much that you will be able to get sober hiking on the trail when you are, as you say, climbing "up the walls". And even if you were able to do that, what kind of a "pilgrimage" would it be? You're living in a dream and it could very easily turn into a very bad dream, perhaps your last.

W.

Aiko

Hi all,

Just got back home... Noooooo
I am a Spanish Girl and walking the French route to Santiago Compostela.
My homeland country and Nobody is going to arrest me Nor take me to jail believe me.
But if I take all what happens seriously... I do not get up!!!

Carlotta
You are very right it is selfish from me to go on that state with my friend and he is looking forward to the trip... but nothing will happen I will handle it.
But he knows and have told him...
I know my limits and Is not the first time I quit something....

Why does nobody believe me when I say I will do it?????
God why do people underestimate me?????

I had a massive row up to 6 o'clock in the morning...
the same you got to stop today... I am the Underdog...
but I always achieve it when I put my head to it...
And When I say the 7th I mean the 7th!!!
Have some faith in me!!!!

My main worry is my left eye lid keeps on pulling down and goes back up...
I do have really beautiful eyes, I work with my eyes,...
I have to stop or I am going to get well %%%%%%%%
will go to the Neurologist and hope it can be cured...
I am very worried about it!!!

My family does not know what is going on...
In my house everybody keeps their worries to themselves to protect each other.

To me the important thing here is
I am accepting I got a problem...
Before I just did not get it... could not accept it...
Is not such a big deal, bla bla bla...
Now I understand I can not control...
To me is such a HUGE PROGRESS....
I am starting to see the results of years of mixing...
AND I NOW AM DETERMINED TO STOP!!!!
I UNDERSTAND I HAVE TO!!!

I am not talking here about my self destruction but about me getting out!!!
this few weeks I have learned so much in this SR...
and reading, writing, advising others and talking to people that understands is helping me in so many ways...
I do listen to your thoughts... and some of it does sink in!!!!
I will be Fine and will let you know promise!!!!

Lenina

((((aiko ))))


WE don't underestimate our disease of addiction! It is powerful, as you know. Please, get some help right away. I am worried for you!

Love from Lenina

ReadyAtLast

It doesn't matter how determined we are or how much willpower we have.That will have no impact on alcohol withdrawal which can kill you. You have no idea if you will be fine or will have alcoholic withdrawal seizures. Add on top of the alcohol the drugs,benzos etc and you've got a pretty dangerous mix

On another note though ,if you believe you are so determined and have such will power and strength and want to quit why not stop now? It really appears as if you can't do that and need external help-there is no shame in that.

People here care and are just trying to help. You seem determined in not listening or absorbing people's concerns. I don't know what else anyone can do to help you if you won't help yourself .

I wish you well

Dee74

Hi Aiko

I don;t think anyone's trying to put you down or not believing in you - on the contrary I think people really care about you and the decisions you make.

If everyones telling you it's a bad idea then...maybe...it's a bad idea?

D

Aiko

Dear friends...

All I ask is some support...
I just got really scared with my eye...

I really need support...
I know I WILL MAKE IT...
I do need support please not YOU WILL END UP DEAD OR ARRESTED...

I know you do not know me and advise me with all your best thoughts...
But what I really need Now is SUPPORT!!! Please!!!!
I am getting metallized I need to stop or else...

My friends are upset with me, my family does not know,...
my work friends does not know...
I do not have any sponsor what so ever...

All I ask is some encouragement!!!
Not I will die trying!!! Good luck!!!

I DO listen to you all but you do not listen to me
that I CAN NOT GO TO REHAB...
I have this chance to get away... and I will do it...
Like I have done before...

I quitted pot and weekend drugs at 22 and survived.
I quitted Alcohol for a while in 2012 but unfortunately got into sleeping pills and benzo...

Last year I was losing my marbles literally with the pills...
I could not even read or have a normal conversation when I stooped Benzo... No joke!!!
And I went to work ill like a dog... I pretending being normal...
Just kept my head looking down as though I was actually busy working...
I used to cried my eyes out hidden in the toilet... hiding from my family...
and after a week I calm down.

Going to the Walk is going to be much easier will not have to pretend I am ok...!!!
just walk walk and walk... to me is the best chance I can get.
The doc gave me an anti-epilepsy treatment...
I will not have any seizure, I am going to the neurologist the day before...
and will ask advice what I am supposed to take... cos I look like a chemist right now...

If I do not make it you can tell me I told you So!!!
And will eat my words!!! and the one loosing is Me!!!

But if I do it my way and get back straight!!!!!
I want a BIG BANNER SAYING WELL DONE...

EndGameNYC

This has nothing at all to do with what the responses to your generally bizarre comments are about. That you completely missed this and that you confuse genuine concern with a lack of support is both troubling and unfortunate, and a major part of the problem.

Nothing left to say but good luck.

wpainterw

"All I ask is some support..."

Support to do what? Support to your setting a higher priority on a hiking trip than on your own welfare? You ask us not to talk about the risks you are taking. What might happen to you. You say we are putting you down, being negative. Just how can anyone be "positive" and "supporting" about what you propose to do?
Isn't it obvious that we care? Care about you, Alko. What motive would we have to put you down? We care....

W.

Anna

Aiko, what you don't see is that we care about you.

You see that as lack of support.

Your walk is not important in comparison to getting off the drugs. It's just not.

If you cared about yourself, you would stop using the drugs right now. You are not supporting yourself. It's not us.

ImperfectlyMe

My heart goes out to you, I know it can be hard to comprehend all of this at once. Your main concern is the eye, which these symptoms are quite disturbing. I'm not going to tell you if you don't get help you're going to die becsuse I think youve already heard it enough.

What I will tell you is that at this very moment you are living in a large cloud of dust. It's almost impossible to see through what is in front of you. Your spinning and going nowhere. Everyone here wants to offer support and help. The great Dee always says nothing changes if nothing changes. Such a simple statement but it bares a tremendous amount of truth.

Stop spinning right now, you can do this, we can help you! Please be well, you don't want to loose your beautiful eyes

wpainterw

Alko:
Have you ever considered that deep within you is part of your brain which, at least at this moment in your life, is not "your" friend? By "your" I mean the real "you", the thinking, creative and beautiful "you". What "you" are hearing from within, and what we seem to be hearing on your posts, is something different, something which has been called the addictive voice, a childlike part of the brain which has for the moment, taken over and which speaks as if it were the real "you". A childlike, primitive part of your brain which wants the alcohol, the pills, to continue, because your body and your chemistry have changed so that you would be uncomfortable without these substances? All I suggest is pause for a moment and consider where all this is coming from, this insistence on "one last fling", this assertion that "I can do it because I've done it before", this idea that you're going to prove everyone wrong. Maybe nothing will happen to you. I hope this is so. But that does not mean everyone is wrong in what they say, no more wrong than if they might say to a drunken person who wants to go skydiving, "Don't do that! It's far more important for you to get well first.Then go skydiving, then go hiking on pilgrimage. The best pilgrimage of all would be for you to get well. It is a harder path but that path leads to happiness. Take that path. And may all our blessings go with you!

W.

soberhawk

One of my sons is planning to do this walk this spring, he plans to start in France and take 6 week. I am not even sure which town he is starting from. I have thought of it several times myself, but I just have more plans that vacation. I will do it one day.

I do understand the attraction and why this method appeals to you.

I have often set myself through difficult trials to focus myself through difficult times, I understand the method.

There are some biological things going on when we stop alcohol we need to be aware of, I am sure you know this. Discuss this openly with your friend and your doctor if you can, I can not judge on whether this will be a problem.

I will make you a banner whether you make the walk to the finish or not Aiko, that is not important.

It is just means to an end that you will be able to find some serenity and get of those substances.

Take care Aiko.