quitforme79

Hey all....I am feeling like a whackjob and of course I am looking for a reason...I don't even know if that would help? I am approaching a year sober and I feel so emotional. Can it be because of that? Some people in AA say yes. I think my disease likes to tell me "see you still struggle with feelings after this long. Maybe you should go back to drinking" NO NO NO I don't want to do that so why is it yelling at me? I have urges to smoke lately too but have 3 months smober and that's not an option either. So then what? I have been bingeing on food (which I have NEVER done). I usually in the past have restricted my food intake. Sigh....my therapist says I just am dealing with feelings...apparently I am not as good as I thought I would be after almost a year sober. I get frustrated. I want my inner peace back but sit on my arse eating it up. Self pity is such a lame character defect. I stopped the binge eating today (we made a plan) but it sucks...I feel so empty even though I ate my allotment of healthy food and calories already. Why does my mind want to punish my body all the time?

Dee74

It took me more than a year to learn to deal with feeling quit - after all I'd run awau from feelings my whole entire life...I was very thin skinned and my reactions to almost everything were overblown.

do you think you've progressed in the first year? I would definitely say you have

D

Charliee

Hi Quit, I think I can relate. I think the guilt we hold makes us think we deserve to be punished and I make myself crazy and all I want to do is drink. I just hit 8 months and the cravings began. I am feeling better now, but I am also starting to volunteer again and it really seems to help. I am helping serve food at a soup kitchen, babysitting at a house for battered women and giving my time at some grade schools.
Best of luck to you!!

quitforme79

Thanks guys...

That does make a lot of sense Dee...I drank for years and I expect to be better right away really. I know I have progressed in so many ways. I don't ever seem to focus on that so thanks for the reminder I don't know why I expect myself to be perfect but don't expect that of anyone else. It's very strange, maybe I should work on that too LOL

I am hoping tomorrow will be a better day...it most usually is...

Anna

I think you probably don't really believe that you deserve a good life. You do. Let go of the guilt and shame and be kind to yourself.

I did what Charliee is doing and jumped into volunteer work with homeless women. It was the best gift I could have given myself.

least

It takes time to relearn how to deal with our feelings. Be good to yourself. Understand that feelings don't have to become actions. This will pass.

Ptcapote

Hi Quit, this post was so very timely for me, thank you!

I am just about at nine months sober and this last week has been a b!tch. My mind seems to have gone haywire and all of these old emotions (insecurities, petty thoughts) seem to have jumped in the driver's seat. I also caught myself thinking, "Well if this is how I am going to start feeling again, I might as well have a drink!" I shocked myself because drinking and thoughts of it had pretty much moved to the back burner over the past few months. I rarely thought about it either as a problem or a solution to a problem...

Thankfully I am in AA and I have SR. Admittedly, I did try to muscle my way through the thoughts initially without asking for help. Then I realized what I was doing and surrendered. My "willpower" has never done diddly for me when it comes to drinking so asking for help---as gut churning as it is for me still at times---is the only way for me to go.

Anyway, I am still in a snarky mood but I have spent basically every night this week in a meeting and then here on SR for a couple of hours. I am coming out of it slowly but surely. I am also forcing myself to interact with others and, yes, volunteer or offer to help even though I would much rather focus on me, me, ME right now.

Just goes to show how vigilant you have to be and how very important having tools in your toolbox really is.

Thanks again for the much-needed post and congrats on your upcoming year!!

jdooner

It sounds to me like your a classic addict trading one obsession for another actually. I don't think your crazy at all. Each time you take away an obsession you find another from what I gather in your post - Alcohol, smoking, eating - I would imagine sex too.

I am exactly, and I mean exactly the same, so I get what you are going through. Do you exercise? Knowing you have addictive characteristic traits and until you figure out why, might I suggest trying to feed the beast (addict in you) with some positive obsessions such as running, cycling, swimming, working out. Channeling is healthy, so other interests, reading, hobbies, even work might be a good solution.

Best of luck.

RevivingOphelia

This is a timely thread. I'm almost at a year sober, and I've been working through some self-pity parties over here (what?! NEVER again!?) and battling some wicked cravings. :/ I also have been eating a bit too much as some form of self-satisfaction.

Not sure what to tell you. I check in here daily and must start exercising again, as that seemed to help. I also DO think about the next morning; I know I'd feel like crap even if I stuck to a minimum (which I never would), so why bother? I can't risk feeling like hell physically and emotionally again. I certainly don't want to risk starting the same vicious cycle of obsession/drinking/hangover again. It's tough, though.

I don't know. Best to you and let's work through these feelings and stay on the sober path. It's too risky to indulge and go back to that awful place.

RobbyRobot

As my early years with sobriety progressed I realised more and more how all my important struggles didn't have to come down to also being a struggle with alcohol - I mean, I had quit right? - so, what was I afraid of with and around alcohol? I really hear you when you describe yourself feeling like a wackjob. I did too back when

Answering these questions for me finally enabled me to concentrate on being the best me I could be I learned my sobriety in a rehab and in AA with nothing to my name really, and some serious mental and physical challenges. As I detached from my alcoholic-minded thinking more and more my life challenges became all the more less about anything to do with alcohol. Facing those particular alcoholic/addiction empowered fears first hand really helped me get on with my sober life. LIFE is always a challenge in many changing ways of course, but living free from alcoholic thinking is such a breeze now and effortless. I am a recovered alcoholic.

I've been sober now for decades and I enjoy the results of my work to have and keep a successful lifestyle and any and all past struggles with anything to do with/around/about alcohol ended in those early first years of sobriety. Interestingly enough, like others in this thread, I too gave service back paying it forward helping others and doing so really helped me in so many ways be the best me I could ever have hoped to be

Congrats on your success within your first year, Quit!