soppy

This is my first ever experience with withdrawing from alcohol, I've been a heavy social drinker for at least 3 years but only in the past year and a half has my habit become really bad. I'm unemployed at the moment (unrelated to drinking) but when I was I would put clear booze in plastic water bottles and drink at work to cope with anxiety. Around four months ago I was surprised when I started getting sweaty and shaky and feeling like I was going to have a panic attack and I didn't know why. I did some research and deduced realised that it was because of alcohol withdrawal (I had no idea that these kind of symptoms would even happen to me before they actually happened) and since then I have had really bad anxiety and have been drinking more to manage my withdrawal symptoms. the worst thing is that I keep the extent of my problem a secret from my boyfriend because I've been drinking around him in secret constantly for months (we were living together until recently), so naturally he is confused about the source of my anxiety and thinks I'm overreacting by wanting to seek professional help for my drinking…

I'm on day one of an outpatient withdrawal program using benzos (around 4 a day, then tapering off over a week) and supposed to be cold turkey. problem is i've had a few drinks (3 or 4 standard, as opposed to my usual 13-20 standard per day) today in addition to two valium. I know I should be going cold turkey but my cravings are so insanely strong. I'm thinking I can taper off and have the occasional controlled amount of alcohol when I really can't bear the cravings, but maybe this is just an excuse for me to continue drinking. I've had no serious symptoms so far (probably because I have some alcohol in my system). What are people's experiences with tapering off?

So far it's been easy cos I've been in my family home all day, but I'm so nervous to go outside and socialise with people who don't know the extent of my problem. Also I drink to deal with social anxiety so I'm so scared to be in those situations without the safety blanket of being drunk. I know life will get better it's just so hard to get through this time (will power has never been my strong point). Anyway I'm wondering if anyone has had any possible experiences with tapering or having an occasional drink when symptoms get too overwhelming.

Also thanks for having me here :-)

IOAA2

Welcome and I hope you do OK. I feel your playing with fire doing this your way as it can be very harmful to the brain and body, that's why it's suggested to follow directions. To each his own. Withdrawal is not always easy but it's far better than if we continue drinking.

BE WELL

Dee74

Tapering never worked for me. It's trying to control the thing I'd shown time and again I could not control.

Mixing alcohol and valium - amid trying to taper - is risky at best and downright dangerous at worse.

I'm not sure how much access you have to medical help in your outpatient programme - I think finding a Dr and getting some medical supervision would be a far better safer option, Soppy.

D

Hawkeye13

I don't know if it is advisable to be mixing medication and alcohol.

Good job that you are quitting, but it sounds like nobody around you actually knows how serious your problem is--what if you have some problems with your withdrawal? It can be dangerous. Perhaps you should consider being honest at least with your BF about how much you were drinking so he can support you and help if needed.

Take care

doggonecarl

Yes, you want to continue drinking. It's what we do.

Follow your doctor's instructions and go CT. Any alcohol you drink prolongs the withdrawal.

If you are worried about the physical withdrawals, go inpatient.

digdug

As Dee said, Alcohol withdrawal alone can be dangerous, but mixing alcohol and benzos is a deadly cocktail, even if it's just 3-4 drinks. The meds are to manage the withdrawal symptoms and will not work if you drink on top of them. You need to be honest with your doctor/counselor that you're continuing to drink.

Tapering never worked for me. I tried so many times, switched to beer, and could get down to 2 a night, but I could never get over the hump. Then I'd just say F it and buy another bottle of vodka. I personally needed inpatient detox.

soppy

Thanks for the sobering (ha) advice everyone. Now it's been 24 hours with no booze, I don't think I've done that for about 3 years! I spoke honestly to my doctor today who reminded me that the more I drink the longer the symptoms will last. A couple of glasses of alcohol free chardonnay at dinner helped too. I didn't realise how hard this was going to be cravings-wise, but I'm actually feeling surprisingly good (I'm sure the valium has something to do with that though!).

I need to remember that tapering isn't going to work for me and it's just my mind giving me an excuse to continue drinking.

Thanks again for the advice.

anchorbird

Like you, I suffer from anxiety issues, but mine started even before I started drinking. I am on day 18 of being sober and am continuing on with the faith that each day will bring me closer to less anxiety in my life.

"You know better" is something that I have heard numerous times through AA and although we all know it, it is sometimes hard to follow. Try to remember that you know AND deserve better in your life.

soppy

Drinking drastically increased my anxiety, what had before only been an annoyance and occasionally a difficulty became a constant that really affected my ability to function. I'm sure being sober is really gonna help with your anxiety so keep it up

Dee74

I think you made a great decision Soppy

D

jade12

thanks for posting - wish you well

Erik1980

Yeah I had anxiety which I then drank to cope with which would give me more anxiety. It's kind of a chicken or the egg thing, anxiety. I tapered really over about 2-3 days just because it was at the end of a bender. It helped me I think fight the horrible withdrawals and I've been sober for 2 full days now and am feeling really positive about it. I think if I would have tapered in any longer sense of it I would have just said F it and started drinking again. You gotta stop at some point if you want to stop I suppose.

spinape

It's great you are quitting!

I think most of us didn't really know the scope of the problem until we tried quitting. I discovered my withdrawal was dangerous to do alone after the fact. Your efforts on quitting will educate you on the problem knowing how serious it really is. Hopefully it will help stop you from ever returning