ReadyAtLast

I agree with Carl-this is not your problem. Please concentrate on looking after you.You cannot save or cure this man,nor should you have to try.

Threshold

I find this list spot on...7 Warning Signs You Are Heading for a Relapse

but like others said, if he's relapsed it's information you can use to make choices about further involvement with him, but is relapse is his own, and you are better off focusing on yourself.

Correy

Not sure about "sure signs" as long as the will to fight to stay sober is present. Once the guard is down, than the end game is near...

Ditto this. Complacency is quite dangerous, that feeling of "I can have it, I recovered enough..."

Ditto.

A great complacency example. Thanks.

Yeah, this is a "build up for a drink," when we start to get ready for it. In my case I start to blather about having some wine, a nice glass of a great wine in some nice restaurant.

A beautiful idea, a cunning AV might suggest. Only that I have never, ever managed to stay with that glass or bottle of wine. But once I start to forget about it, I am in a real danger...

I'm totally isolated, but totally.

Sometimes the despair of loneliness has been matched with the despair of sitting alone in a bar and drinking in an early afternoon, filed with self-loathing... and I had no idea which one was worse.

Having a drink was always easier so... yes, that's another danger...

Damn...

Good luck to all!

SteppingStone

Thank you for your help guys. I guess I'm still in hope that after a while, he may come back. I know I shouldn't be thinking of that but my own recovery, it's just that it's so difficult at the moment because it's all so fresh & raw.

Do the addicts still have bad memories of when they were active drinkers/users even if their partner wasn't?

Thanks for all your help & advice. It is much appreciated and I know that SR is helping me because everyday (and it IS everyday, at the moment) that I'm feeling sad & down, I come back here and it gives me some hope & guidance that I will smile and be happy again one day.

silentrun

That would be it. I read something on here when I was new. It talked about how to relapse. Start thinking about using. Start romanticizing it. The relapse actually takes place before you use. He has to stop putting positive mental images of the use in his mind. Immediately

IWillWin

Unfortunately, sometimes it happens like you had a lobotomy and some alien has taken over your rational brain.

I'm 1.3 years loving and living sober. I was doing everything right according to what was working for me. I had a business trip (not my first sober) recently and for a reason I simply cannot explain wound up at the bar drinking wine after my work responsibilities were complete and I only had 12 hours left before heading home. I don't even like wine. I'm an alcoholic. I don't drink. But there I was. It was like an out of body experience. And it kinda was because I blacked out. Lost about 2 hours I will never remember and never get back. A kind soul, an angel on earth, took care of me (a total stranger but employee of a reputable hotel) and I remember bits and pieces of this person guiding me, with the patience of a saint, apparently during the blackout and stayed with me for hours until it was time to go. This person, was so kind to me as I cried like a fool about my behavior and blabbed on and on about how I didn't know how this happened. They didn't judge me, make me feel foolish, or ashamed. I am blessed. Very, very blessed.

And so...sometimes relapse or "slip" just happens with no real explaination. I had no intention then and do not now to go back to the drinking life. But it happened to me. And it was scary. Blacking out after 2 glasses of wine is NOT normal.

Apologies this turned into a confessional. I just felt compelled to share. No one will ever take away my sober time, but it is now 1.3 year minus a day. I'm disappointed in myself but proud that I know and understand what happened and will continue to work hard everyday to make sure it never happens again.