someonesmiles

So...I stopped drinking for 5 years. Then two weeks ago I drank heavily again for one night. I partied with friends. I have continued to drink on occasion, twice in a way I am uncomfortable with (i.e not liking my behaviour). I feel really really vulnerable. I'm not sure why I have let this happen. Please help me.

Dee74

Hi someonesmiles
you'll find a lot of support here

how did you stay sober for 5 years?

D

someonesmiles

Thank you for your reply. I just did it, kept going, no support groups. But I'm bored and lonely and weighted down with responsibility. I'm feeling really lost.

least

to SR! I'm glad you joined the family.

If you stayed sober before, you can do it again. Give it your all and believe that you can do it.

Received

After 13 years not drinking I started up again and it was a five year mess.

I was so lonely, stressed, bored, an empty nester who was in a really bad place.

I joined here in the first few days of January this year and stopped drinking that night. For good. Done.

I used AVRT (Rational Recovery) method. You can google it for more info or to do the crash course.

Of course there is AA, SMART and many other ways to recovery/recovered.

Here is a link to some of those programs/methods:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Glad you found us.

Try18

Try and pull it back before your life gets completely unmanageable again. You stayed sober for 5 years ... You can do it again! Please. I am emerging from a relapse that went on for months, and my behaviour and the blackouts got worse, and harder to stop again. I am now 48 hours + sober again and already feel a bit of fight coming back. You are worth it. Being vulnerable can be turned into a ppositive if you use it to get vulnerable with people who can support you back to sobriety.
I wish you well, and i feel your pain. Keep fighting.

Dee74

I think support really helps

You'll find a lot here - and a few ideas on 'real life support' too, if you're interested

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

venuscat

Hi someonesmiles,

I'm so glad you have joined us here ~ there is so much support, and so many tips to help us to stay sober.
And one of the most wonderful things about this site? I don't have to feel lonely any more. There is always someone here to listen, and to help out.

This is a tricky disease, but we can come back from relapses.
I know you can do this; we are all here for you!

Love Venus xx

Johnston

I drank again after almost 2 decades abs. It was way harder stopping the second time around but I'm almost 2 years abs now. It's possible to rebound, believe me.

someonesmiles

Thank you. You are all so kind. I think I thought I could handle it - you know...that I'd had 5 years out and that I would be okay. It it so appalling to me that I could relapse so quickly into drinking on my own, late into the night, talking total nonsense to patient phone friends. Gahhh! Drink-dialling! Gahhh. God. The set up of my life can breed a little loneliness and discontent at the moment, and I am not coping with the amount of decisions I need to make. I feel total horror at where I've got to fast. The shame, the shame.....Thank you for your outreached warmth. Some light into a very very dark place.

Try18

Keeping drinking Will just bring more shame .... Guaranteed!

You have done a great thing in reaching out.

CaiHong

Wow Someonesmiles,
I am truly amazed when I read someone has started drinking again after years of sobriety you are a lesson to us all.
I am sober 2.5 years and visit this site daily, your post reminded me why I need to be vigilant.
Please keep reading and posting and a big welcome to the recovery community.

Caihong

someonesmiles

Thank you Caihong. I've been shocked by it too. I had stopped watching myself, and had allowed myself to get lazy, lonely and isolated. I had kidded myself that I wasn't a proper addict, that i could handle alcohol, but chose not to drink. That I didn't need support, that I could have alcoholic friends, and slowly this eroded my resolve and I drank. Within two days I was drinking destructively again. Still I kidded myself. Until I woke up crying and sweating today, a terrible shame/fear in my soul. I think I need to seek recovery, as I can't keep sober without a fuller insight into what I am, and I need support. More support than I realised.

CaiHong

Lazy, isolated and lonely. Yes, need to be careful of these ones for sure. I have started slipping into this a bit not so much the lazy. being sober though I see it happening and do something about it. I think just being sober is really not enough there is other work to be done on oneself. I use the 12 step program as a guide, don't make many meetings as its not that easy to get to them from here.
Hope you find something that makes sense for you and those feelings of remorse leave you soon and get back in the business of staying sober.

caiHong

Hevyn

Welcome someonesmiles. It's so good you found us - you're never alone.

I did a similar thing. I was 3 yrs. sober. Decided to have 'a few' one night & get right back on track. Seven years later, I came crawling in here. I was destroyed - but I proved once & for all that I can't touch the stuff. It's too dangerous and risky - I never know where it might lead me. It's so much better & less exhausting to be free of it. You can do it again! We're here to help.

pinkdog

Hi Someonesmiles, welcome. It's really about accepting that you cannot drink. We are here for you. You can do this.

StevenT

I don't know about you, but the turning point in my drinking was when I felt like you are describing yourself feeling right now. I hit a point where I had only two paths to take - oblivion or sobriety. I might be mistaken, but I believe that you have been here before. Think back to five years ago and remember the feelings that went along with your decision to quit. Think back on everything you were going through and I think you will find that you are there again.

I know that I have gotten sober no less then five times and found myself back at the same point I was every other time I got sober. I was hopeless, desperate and most of all lost. I got sober because I recognized that alcohol was making this either worse or at the best not change, and I knew that sobriety would atleast enable me to make things better.

I know you can get sober. That's the easy part, really. You've done it before. It's as simple as choosing not to drink. The staying sober part has always been the issue for me. I've never been able to stay sober for a length of time, always finding myself drinking again for no apparent reason other then it was tuesday morning, so to speak. If you can get and stay sober the way you did before, great. If not, there are alternatives to single handed combat with alcoholism.

Whatever you choose, we can relate and we are here with you, in this together.

Correy

While it is scary to see how many of us succumbed to the unfailingly preying beast, even after years of sobriety, it is also hopeful and encouraging to see how many of you guys managed to get back to the sober life.

someonesmiles - it's normal to feel bad at the moment, you know that, but you already have the experience of these five years. The fog will go away, the nerves will calm down and your whole being will start to heal yet again.

Good luck. I wish you all the best!

Johnston

^^^ this x 10

Louise82

Welcome someonesmiles. It's great that you've realised you need recovery and support. You've come to the right place - SR has helped me so much. The links posted near the top of the thread have lots of different recovery methods.