He is leaving me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
The following poem, by Maya Angelou, is considered by many (and by me as well) to be one of, if not the, greatest poem ever written. You should memorize this, keep it with you, put it on the wall in your bedroom, on your refrigerator. I hope you love this, as I do.
STILL I RISE
Maya Angelou
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
STILL I RISE
Maya Angelou
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 91
Sasha,
When you wrote that you feel like he is trying to get you to fight with him so he can justify leaving and living with her.... man does that sound like my exh!!! He left me. and for a while it seemed like no good reason (then I found out about his current wife and their relationship). Either way, I was ALWAYS trying to find ways to "fix" us during out divorce conversations.. and he was always pushing back and fighting against us. Finally, I got sick of it and stopped fighting. and he got SO MAD! because he was looking for the fight. Wanted me to get nasty with him... because he wanted and needed a better reason than this other woman to leave me. He wanted to justify it because I am such a b!tch.
His mom told me once "stop being a brick wall, start being a cloud". What she means is: he keeps throwing punches at me. I can either be a wall... angry, responsive in an aggressive way, argumentative, etc. If I am a wall, it will hurt him back when he punches me and eventually say he is leaving because I hurt him! BUT, if I am a cloud I am.... patience, a good listener, responsive in a supportive way, and comprimising. If I am a cloud, he has no reason to keep being angry because he will realize all the fighting is on a one-way road and know he is the problem.
Keep being a cloud, Sasha. Don't like him turn you into the problem
xoxo
When you wrote that you feel like he is trying to get you to fight with him so he can justify leaving and living with her.... man does that sound like my exh!!! He left me. and for a while it seemed like no good reason (then I found out about his current wife and their relationship). Either way, I was ALWAYS trying to find ways to "fix" us during out divorce conversations.. and he was always pushing back and fighting against us. Finally, I got sick of it and stopped fighting. and he got SO MAD! because he was looking for the fight. Wanted me to get nasty with him... because he wanted and needed a better reason than this other woman to leave me. He wanted to justify it because I am such a b!tch.
His mom told me once "stop being a brick wall, start being a cloud". What she means is: he keeps throwing punches at me. I can either be a wall... angry, responsive in an aggressive way, argumentative, etc. If I am a wall, it will hurt him back when he punches me and eventually say he is leaving because I hurt him! BUT, if I am a cloud I am.... patience, a good listener, responsive in a supportive way, and comprimising. If I am a cloud, he has no reason to keep being angry because he will realize all the fighting is on a one-way road and know he is the problem.
Keep being a cloud, Sasha. Don't like him turn you into the problem
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Originally Posted by Sasha4 
I think in his mind if he can get me to start shouting then that will help him justify his own bad behaviour. That I have pushed him to do this because I am so unreasonable.
It also gives him the opportunity to storm off and go live with her, if he can provoke me into a row.
It also gives him the opportunity to storm off and go live with her, if he can provoke me into a row.
Don't let him dictate the situation.You are sounding much more positive and arse kicky if you don't mind me saying so
It is good to see. Glad you are getting help.Lots of love xxx
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I think in his mind if he can get me to start shouting then that will help him justify his own bad behaviour. That I have pushed him to do this because I am so unreasonable.
It also gives him the opportunity to storm off and go live with her, if he can provoke me into a row.
It also gives him the opportunity to storm off and go live with her, if he can provoke me into a row.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
well this is the best news I have read all day!!! You are not MARRIED to this "nasty little man", (who will soon lose his hair among other things 
)...hooh!wooh!!! You own 80% of the house.
no he won't pay the mortgage, just take it over and stop giving him $$, i would bet he would use YOUR $$ for his new home, he's trying to make a good impression. be done with him, kick him to the curb and watch what happens...I guarantee you that once the romance fire burns off, miss interloper will see that he is NO bargain.
You don't have to let your child be influenced by his bad behavior. He is her father and of course she loves him and in his own selfish way he may care for her, but he is so SHALLOW he chucked it easily.
I am glad you have support and i am glad you are financially secure.
)...hooh!wooh!!! You own 80% of the house.no he won't pay the mortgage, just take it over and stop giving him $$, i would bet he would use YOUR $$ for his new home, he's trying to make a good impression. be done with him, kick him to the curb and watch what happens...I guarantee you that once the romance fire burns off, miss interloper will see that he is NO bargain.
You don't have to let your child be influenced by his bad behavior. He is her father and of course she loves him and in his own selfish way he may care for her, but he is so SHALLOW he chucked it easily.
I am glad you have support and i am glad you are financially secure.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I am much more 'together' than I was before.
Before I had just had a baby.
It was a shock to me that he had done this and was going to leave.
The mortgage is joint.
If he does not pay he will have bad credit too.
He also is not buying or renting a home for himself.
He is moving into her property.
He did this last time too.
In fact the way he has behaved exactly the same way, same behaviours as before.
If this new relationship does not flourish, which I don"t see how it can, then I expect he will probably behave the same way again too.
That will be sending text messages.
Spending more and more time with me.
Feeling resentful towards having to spend time with her.
Last time he asked t come back and I let him.
It was easy for him.
We had not started legal proceedings or put the house on the market.
This time it will be different.
He will not be worming his way back again.
There will be no 'drop in if your passing for a coffee'.
In terms of him leaving now and trying to start rows and drama's, I am not joining in.
If he wants to shout or be nasty he can. I will not be engaging him at all.
The house is big enough to avoid each other.
I am not going to give him any ammunition so that he can run to is gf and say I 'made' him leave.
It really hurts to do, but I want him to walk out the door in a weeks time and think 'this is a huge mistake'.
I want to keep things as normal as possible because this will cause him more worry and concern. He will be expecting me to scream, shout and cry ad beg him not to go. If things are normal, or at least civil, he will be like a fish out of water. He won't know how to handle me or the situation.
I also expect when his gf and his friends ask 'is it horrendous being at home with her' he will know deep down, no it is not. Its normal. Its everyday. Whether he tells them that does not matter. He will know.
As for me I could not be more proud of myself that I have not turned to drink to get me through. Last time I did. I really do believe that nothing is made better by a drink.
It is no nice and therapeutic to come here and post and read all your support.
I don't feel as lonely as I did last time.
I think drinking also resulted in some mood swings for me, some rages and being overly dramatic and tearful.
This time it is completely different.
Love to you all xxxx
Before I had just had a baby.
It was a shock to me that he had done this and was going to leave.
The mortgage is joint.
If he does not pay he will have bad credit too.
He also is not buying or renting a home for himself.
He is moving into her property.
He did this last time too.
In fact the way he has behaved exactly the same way, same behaviours as before.
If this new relationship does not flourish, which I don"t see how it can, then I expect he will probably behave the same way again too.
That will be sending text messages.
Spending more and more time with me.
Feeling resentful towards having to spend time with her.
Last time he asked t come back and I let him.
It was easy for him.
We had not started legal proceedings or put the house on the market.
This time it will be different.
He will not be worming his way back again.
There will be no 'drop in if your passing for a coffee'.
In terms of him leaving now and trying to start rows and drama's, I am not joining in.
If he wants to shout or be nasty he can. I will not be engaging him at all.
The house is big enough to avoid each other.
I am not going to give him any ammunition so that he can run to is gf and say I 'made' him leave.
It really hurts to do, but I want him to walk out the door in a weeks time and think 'this is a huge mistake'.
I want to keep things as normal as possible because this will cause him more worry and concern. He will be expecting me to scream, shout and cry ad beg him not to go. If things are normal, or at least civil, he will be like a fish out of water. He won't know how to handle me or the situation.
I also expect when his gf and his friends ask 'is it horrendous being at home with her' he will know deep down, no it is not. Its normal. Its everyday. Whether he tells them that does not matter. He will know.
As for me I could not be more proud of myself that I have not turned to drink to get me through. Last time I did. I really do believe that nothing is made better by a drink.
It is no nice and therapeutic to come here and post and read all your support.
I don't feel as lonely as I did last time.
I think drinking also resulted in some mood swings for me, some rages and being overly dramatic and tearful.
This time it is completely different.
Love to you all xxxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Brive-la-Gaillarde, Correze
Posts: 77
You are so strong and so admirable. Well done Sasha. I am proud to "know" you.
And I'm so glad you are remaining sober. You are so right that drinking so doesn't help and it is so much easier to deal with "real" emotions than those fuelled by alcohol.
Also don't give him the satisfaction of making you weak enough to give up your hard won sobriety. It is your gift to yourself and your daughter. Don't give it up, whatever you do.
Sleep well Sasha and well done. xxxx
And I'm so glad you are remaining sober. You are so right that drinking so doesn't help and it is so much easier to deal with "real" emotions than those fuelled by alcohol.
Also don't give him the satisfaction of making you weak enough to give up your hard won sobriety. It is your gift to yourself and your daughter. Don't give it up, whatever you do.
Sleep well Sasha and well done. xxxx
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