Day 14
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 186
Day 14
You tried so hard just to survive. You work to exhaustion and pick up extra hours at any cost, all the while taunting yourselves with the desperate, bleak reality that you probably will never be able to make ends meet; you'll always be one paycheck away from utter disaster, with no real safety net anywhere to be seen.
Every day you attempt to put on a happy face, but in the background of every interaction, you are thinking of the rent that hasn't been paid this month yet, the bills that are about to be disconnected, the dwindling food in the cupboards that you can't afford to fill except with ramen noodles and rice. You keep thinking of buying that bottle every day, and it takes a good amount of energy to not think about it. To not think about how good it would feel for just one night to drink away the anxiety and the issues that you may not be able to handle. You don't know if you can make it work this month.
The problems of circumstance are a bitch, and can take you down when they all happen at the same exact time, as if by cruel design. The "bottom" that so many people speak of just keeps sinking further beneath you; when you thought you finally hit that rock bottom, life surprises you with an even more horrible set of circumstances.
A miracle would be great right now, Universe... but at least I have kept myself from running to the bottle because of stress or anxiety. I have kept my wits about me, and I am pretty sure it is because I am operating with a clear head for the first time in a few years - sober.
Every day you attempt to put on a happy face, but in the background of every interaction, you are thinking of the rent that hasn't been paid this month yet, the bills that are about to be disconnected, the dwindling food in the cupboards that you can't afford to fill except with ramen noodles and rice. You keep thinking of buying that bottle every day, and it takes a good amount of energy to not think about it. To not think about how good it would feel for just one night to drink away the anxiety and the issues that you may not be able to handle. You don't know if you can make it work this month.
The problems of circumstance are a bitch, and can take you down when they all happen at the same exact time, as if by cruel design. The "bottom" that so many people speak of just keeps sinking further beneath you; when you thought you finally hit that rock bottom, life surprises you with an even more horrible set of circumstances.
A miracle would be great right now, Universe... but at least I have kept myself from running to the bottle because of stress or anxiety. I have kept my wits about me, and I am pretty sure it is because I am operating with a clear head for the first time in a few years - sober.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,021
Jade
Keep going and keep your chin up. Financial insecurity is tough and I know it well given that I wont have work for very long. However, I also know that I have no control over the future and anxiety over this doesnt make any difference. Also, drinking will only make things worse. It may temporarily numb the pain but the pain returns only this time amped up and far worse. It isnt worth it.
As you've said, being sober and having clarity of mind enables me to have hope. To be able to plan for a brighter future and to live in the present. Gifts I would never have if drunk !
Keep going and keep your chin up. Financial insecurity is tough and I know it well given that I wont have work for very long. However, I also know that I have no control over the future and anxiety over this doesnt make any difference. Also, drinking will only make things worse. It may temporarily numb the pain but the pain returns only this time amped up and far worse. It isnt worth it.
As you've said, being sober and having clarity of mind enables me to have hope. To be able to plan for a brighter future and to live in the present. Gifts I would never have if drunk !
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