Eager for advice, as well as assisting those still in the fray! !
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Mechanicsville, Virginia
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Eager for advice, as well as assisting those still in the fray!
I'm still working laboriously through the unethical guidance of my PM medical prescriber. The tyrant had me covinced that if I didn't remain on my 210 mg daily dose of OxyContin, I would lose feeling in my right leg again. Notwithstanding my pleas to taper or begin a cessation regimen including Clonidine, Phenegran, Valium, etc., I was contested and warned that if I challenged his advisement, I would be let go as a patient. The very thought of detoxing terrified me, and I refused to suffer the loss of my leg a second time. I now know that the acute pain was due to my own persistence to pull away from a drug that had stolen everything that made me who I was. As an author, my inability to write, putting it graciously, saddened me, leaving me feeling dejected and worthless.
Though typically and exceedingly social, over the past year and a half, I became dissociative, avoiding friends and family. My heart began to agonize over the exploitively high dosage, sending exquisite stabs across my chest then down my arm. When I notified my PM doctor of this disconcerting sensation, the unscrupulous man insisted it was simply indigestion.
Now, I fancy myself a fairly learned individual, so, placing my pride aside, I reached out to a friend -- a PA and her overseeing physician. They have been invaluably during my recovery, and I will never be able to thank them fully. If I reach out, my fingers just graze the end of this very dark and sinister tunnel, which is a notion I once imagined unobtainable. Four weeks of supervised, four-day complete abandonment of my medication, followed by a drop in the milligrams, has rendered me at two days without Percocet HCL ... though the suffering has yet to cease. My head is still a jumble of loss and realization.
I gather that what I intend to gain from this grouping is both support and sage advice; moreover, I would be remiss if I didn't help another throughout their own agonizing journey toward sobriety. There were times, come five AM on day three, when I knew that one little pill would end my torment. I wished for someone who could empathize, understand completely, and thus walk me though the weak moments, bolstering my resolve.
I realize this is lengthy, and I indeed hope that you've taken the time to read my cri de coeur.
Thank you!
Though typically and exceedingly social, over the past year and a half, I became dissociative, avoiding friends and family. My heart began to agonize over the exploitively high dosage, sending exquisite stabs across my chest then down my arm. When I notified my PM doctor of this disconcerting sensation, the unscrupulous man insisted it was simply indigestion.
Now, I fancy myself a fairly learned individual, so, placing my pride aside, I reached out to a friend -- a PA and her overseeing physician. They have been invaluably during my recovery, and I will never be able to thank them fully. If I reach out, my fingers just graze the end of this very dark and sinister tunnel, which is a notion I once imagined unobtainable. Four weeks of supervised, four-day complete abandonment of my medication, followed by a drop in the milligrams, has rendered me at two days without Percocet HCL ... though the suffering has yet to cease. My head is still a jumble of loss and realization.
I gather that what I intend to gain from this grouping is both support and sage advice; moreover, I would be remiss if I didn't help another throughout their own agonizing journey toward sobriety. There were times, come five AM on day three, when I knew that one little pill would end my torment. I wished for someone who could empathize, understand completely, and thus walk me though the weak moments, bolstering my resolve.
I realize this is lengthy, and I indeed hope that you've taken the time to read my cri de coeur.
Thank you!
to SR! I'm glad you've joined us. You'll find lots of support here. 
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Mechanicsville, Virginia
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It's rounding on 7 in the morning, and I haven't slept but three hours over two days past, regardless of having taken both Clonidine and Valium. For two days, I've denied my tortuous desire to take just one little OxyContin, but I sense a lapse mounting! This process has a way of breaking you, making you feel weak of will. I always conjectured that I was stronger, and, when the time came, I would forge through all the discomfort involved. Discomfort: What a kind word for what we experience during cessation.
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Walter, I'm wondering if this section of the forum would help... Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Keep posting though - you have a definite touch of the Jane Austen's going on and it's lovely and refreshing
Keep posting though - you have a definite touch of the Jane Austen's going on and it's lovely and refreshing
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Mechanicsville, Virginia
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That's singularly flattering, Skye. Austin was a phenomenal writer, and my own writing tends to veer toward the ... florid. So, regarding this forum, should I try posting my circumstance on another? Am I in the wrong sphere? This is all new to me, and I've yet to attend NA, nor speak with anyone other than the aforementioned friend (PA).
WF
WF
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Mechanicsville, Virginia
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Now I understand! Initially, this site is a mite confounding, but I'm quite certain I'll get the knack of it. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction, Skye. By the by, your positivity is much more than welcome on any of my postings, if only for your enjoyment of my writing style. *GRIN*
Your kind words have rather taken some bother out what's been a long and restless night.
WF
Your kind words have rather taken some bother out what's been a long and restless night.
WF
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland UK
Posts: 122
Welcome Walter. Indeed you are a very talented writer, as many others are on this site. Sometimes when I read posts here I have pangs of envy along with a deep appreciation of how beautifully some can put words down, even after years of addiction to brain damaging substances.
I too am not familiar with the drugs you mention but all of us here know of the pain and grip of addiction, I'm positive you'll find the kind of help and support you require.
Good luck and best wishes for your journey Walter, if you keep trying, you'll get there
I too am not familiar with the drugs you mention but all of us here know of the pain and grip of addiction, I'm positive you'll find the kind of help and support you require.
Good luck and best wishes for your journey Walter, if you keep trying, you'll get there
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Mechanicsville, Virginia
Posts: 8
Oh, my initial PMD hasn't been a part of my life for quite some time. And now I'm dealing with the reprocussions of his meddling. Believe me when I say that I will push assiduously to make certain he isn't capable of prescribing such dangerous dosages to anyone else. But you're correct, I should have done my research; we tend to blindly trust doctors, surmising that they have our best intrest at heart. Foolishness, really.
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