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Old 10-27-2013, 04:10 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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The insane mind of the alcoholic! Now the cravings are kicking in. I am determined i Will get through today.
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Old 10-27-2013, 04:16 AM
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Try, I feel your pain. I am not young, and have been "in" AA for many years, with a lot of sober periods, long ones. But my life has totally fallen apart in the last year. I finally gave up and did rehab #3-just got out a few days ago.

In there we had a family meeting one day and I got honest about all the secrets I have been hiding from my bf. It was very hard to throw it all out there but such a relief. We are working through things, and I have HUGE messes to clean up in every area of my life.

Fortunately, I found a great AA sponsor before I went in and she is tremendous support. "Baby steps" she says, offsetting the "gotta-dos" (gotta do this, gotta do that…NOW) which has sent me reeling. But even in a few short days I have cleaned up a lot. It will take me months to straighten out the chaos of my unmanageable life, years to fix financial worries, and I have legal issues.

I have announced this at all the meetings of AA I attend (at least 1/day) and get nothing but love and support there.

Don't drink, just for today; or if you caved yesterday, today is a fresh start.
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Old 10-27-2013, 04:42 AM
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Being a former anorexic from high school (male in the states), finding a good therapist can change your world. As others have mentioned, things will progressively get better after you stop and put effort into good programs. It's OK if you don't do great in one course, life can be full of second chances. If possible, talk to your professor and seek extensions on schoolwork etc. I have had much luck asking for grace periods with professors at multiple universities.

Sending positive thoughts your way.
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Old 10-27-2013, 07:00 AM
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I will approach them honestly and hope for a decent outcome. It is the guilt and dread i feel whenever i stop that always leads me back. I need to make a lot of changes. It cam feel overwhelming. I am 26 and female, i dont know if i would benefit more from a female therapist.

It all feels so.overwhelming. But i think I've been in a lot of denial the past whole. Your support is so.appreciated. Thankyou.
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Old 10-27-2013, 07:16 AM
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Oh, Try, I hear you I have been battling alcoholism and bulimia for many, many years. I finally gave up alcohol 9 months ago today. It has really helped my self esteem and my confidence to beat bulimia. To be honest, giving up alcohol has been a lot easier than I thought it would be and the benefits started to come almost immediately which really boosted my motivation.

For me, bulimia is much harder to tackle, but I am making good progress. I've recently started looking at AVRT (Rational Recovery). It's helped a great deal. At the moment, I'm reading a book called Flipping The Switch which goes into AVRT for bulimia in much more detail. It has really given me hope.

Reaching out here and saying the words is a brilliant start, Try, and at 26, you're young enough to live the vast majority of your life in freedom if you work on it now.

You're so not alone in this - but there is light and there is hope and tomorrow can be very different, believe me
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Old 10-27-2013, 07:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Try18 View Post
I am 26 and female, i dont know if i would benefit more from a female therapist.
Couldn't hurt to try.

Which came first, eating disorder or alcohol?

I have experience with both and a few other addictions as well. There is healing. Not impossible, and the changes...don't have to be overwhelming because it's a work as you go thing. You don't have to wake up one day and be a completely different person and do everything differently.

There was more of "me" in there than I thought. I didn't have to throw "me" out with the bathwater.

That Something Fishy website was a good help during the height of my addressing my eating disorders. SR is a big help with drinking and drugs, but I needed my own program/path to recovery. I wasn't able to absorb it through osmosis, but being in the atmosphere of recovery was a HUGE help. It helped to know I was not the only scared person who had turned into a dead end thinking it was the road to a better life.

It's great that you are already in therapy, and have a psychiatrist. Hope this isn't an insulting question but...are you dead honest with them? Many of us with eating disorders want so much to have our act together that we are not fully honest with our therapists etc. We aren't necessarily dishonest (well, sometimes...) but we like to not tell them everything, because we think that we don't have to tell them everything, because heck...they don't need to know THAT, and we're not going to do it again anyway, and we can deal with it on our own, and it's not a big deal...

Many of us with eating disorders have such an inner hatred and dread of of what we consider imperfection that we are mighty hard nuts to crack. Admitting to myself my fear to be honest (even with myself) was a real key to healing.

So glad you are here and addressing this. Welcome
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Old 10-27-2013, 12:26 PM
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The eating disorder came first, in my early teens.

Today was easier but tonight i am sitting in alone. Too late to get to a meeting but having urges. Going to stay strong.
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Old 10-27-2013, 12:41 PM
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Try, I'm so glad you found us and that you are seeking support.

You can do this! And, I know it seems overwhelming, but you can get through it. The thing is the bulimia and the alcoholism are symptoms of the issues in your life that you have not been able to deal with and have been avoiding. So, along with stopping drinking and eating in a healthy way, hopefully your therapist will be able to guide you through this journey.
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Old 10-27-2013, 12:47 PM
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Hi Try, welcome. It makes sense that you want to be numb. That's the affect of the alcohol. It lures you into a feeling of escape. In reality, it just delays. We are glad you came here. It's a great place of support. Best wishes.
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Old 10-27-2013, 12:54 PM
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Welcome Try, there is tons of support here. I'm glad you have joined us. Best wishes to you.
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Old 10-27-2013, 03:32 PM
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Have made it through day 2 not picking up. Your messages have given me hope and strength xxx
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Old 10-27-2013, 03:51 PM
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Hi, Try. Just keep posting and read other threads. Throw in a word of encouragement to others. It helps. Welcome!
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Old 10-27-2013, 05:38 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Thankyou, i Will. Starting to get to grips with how it works on the forum now. It's run my phone battery low today I've been reading a lot on it. Great stuff on here. I really want to stay and become part of the comminity.

Off to bed sober and grateful tonight. Fought through the urges. Thankyou for your help friends.
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