countingdays

Day 12. Just got into a huge verbal sparring match over phone with a relative. All my buttons were pushed! Hung up the phone and was shaking from being so mad, upset, hurt. Pulled in to the liquor store, went in and could nit locate my bed beverage if choice. As I was looking, I the relative called back so I had to leave to take the call. As luck would have it, I had somewhere to be so I had to delay my purchase. Well, that was 2 hours ago and I did not return to the store and I'm staying sober minute by minute. Ugh. I just want to feel numb. To not feel what I'm feeling. But, I don't want to start over day 1 tomorrow. Drinking will not make this problem go away. In fact, it will make it worse because I will be hung over tomorrow and bit able to think clearly about a solution. Ugh.Ugh.Ugh.

countingdays

Wow, lots of grammatical errors above, hope it is still understandable!

ChrissieB

So glad you didn't buy any alcohol, lots of wisdom there, no good comes from drink... It will all seem better in the morning plus the satisfaction that you resisted during a really difficult time.

Anna

I'm glad you got through that, and that's how it goes. You learned that you could get through a tough time without drinking.

doggonecarl

Perfectly normal reaction. Countless people deal with the same emotions every day, without drinking. So can you. That's what recovery is all about. Not making life painless, but dealing with the pain without alcohol.

flujays

Proud of you mate, that's the fighting spirit! See? you CAN do it without alcohol. Just remember, if you drink over a problem, you've got TWO problems!

MIRecovery

Good job. There is no problem alcohol wont make worse

Citrus

I'm glad you got out of the liquor store, that was a close call. You did the right thing though! Hang in there.

desertsong

Natural reaction to want to numb yourself out. That's what we do. Very interesting that you couldn't locate your beverage of choice at the store! Maybe someone was trying to tell you something?

Good on you for not taking that first drink and knowing it won't make anything better ... only worse. Keep going - it gets better!

countingdays

Thank you so much everyone. I made it! Off to bed and looking forward to day 13. I cannot believe I didn't drunk! Yay.

dizzychainsaw

I'm glad you didn't go back to the store! Good job!

clones2

fan of Switchfoot - Counting Days? Im on Day 12 myself... ugh is right. The last 2 days have been the best. Probably because the work week is now over... Cravings have subsided at least.

advbike

Good show! I had a couple of those serendipitous events early in my recovery that allowed me just enough time to reconsider, and/or find an alternative. It was also around the two week point and I swear it was by the grace of God. I took it as a sign I shouldn't be drinking and someone was showing me a better way. I haven't really had a craving since.

countingdays

Good morning all! Day lucky 13! That was indeed a close call and the timing of that phone call while I was in the store was nothing short of a Divine intervention. After I went to bed, I had a much needed massive cry. I felt all those feeling I would have suppressed and actually realized what I need to do. And, what I need to do is not run away from the problem, but work through it with grace and humility and understanding. Wow, who knew?!

Thank you again to all the posters for the support and advice and understanding. You are amazing and I am grateful for you and this site.

Johnston

^^^ this

trudgingagain

Congrats on making it out of the store and not going back....just a couple of days ago I had to shop for groceries and TOTALLY intentionally averted the aisle with alcohol....waaaay too scary!

Notmyrealname

Why did you end up at the liquor store? Do you understand your thought process in going there?

This could be a good opportunity for working through what leads you to drinking so you can focus on changing the pattern, and with the added bonus that you didn't ultimately end up drinking so you don't have to suffer through all that. Usually these lessons in introspection carry a heavier pricetag, right?

For a long time I had this cause-effect thing ingrained in my behavior where I'd let the ups and downs of life send me reeling into the liquor outlet (compound play on words, how nice). Realizing that was an insane state of mind that could not continue if I was ever to be successful was a big step forward for me. Life is a succession of good and bad things, and we judge things relatively, so no matter how good your life is there are going to be bad times. It's ubiquitous, inescapable, inevitable. Can't let unpleasant externalities have direct control over internal decision-making processes, it's a lead anchor that drags you down, down down.

jdooner

Congrats on staying sober. I am at day 59 today and this week I had a situation where I was triggered at an AA meeting and stopped outside a liquor store. It was helpful for me to understand that while I was angry (H.A.L.T) with someone by drinking to "show them" it was like pouring gas on myself and lighting the match. The only person about to get burned was me not them. I am not sure if this helps you at all but seems like you too were triggered by someone else or how it made you feel and your traditional coping mechanism was to drink, as we all do, but you would have only relieved your pain temporarily, ended your streak, and I am guessing your relative would have been none the wiser.

Keep in mind with every test you are building your muscles to deal with not drinking. Good luck and congratulations, you should be proud!

LadyBlue0527

We'll take sober grammatical errors over the choice to drink any day!

So glad that you chose the right path.

wpainterw

Congratulations! The drink always makes it worse! For a moment it seems to make it better but it always makes it worse. It releases the angry child within who rages with anger! Hang up on the button pushers. They've got their own issues. Only they can sort themselves out.

W.