Macallister

Hey, I'm really glad that I joined this site because I don't know what I'm doing. I really need to stay sober, both for myself(mainly) and my girlfriend. She got kind of mad at me when I drank on Saturday night, and I also took a little bit of Klonopin. I immediately told her that I was drunk when she called. I didn't expect that she would actually call me back, because I've had very little contact with her since she left rehab.

I know she needs space right now, especially because she just moved into her old recovery house that she used to live in over a year ago. I am trying to limit how much I try to contact her, but it's difficult because I spoke to her several times a day during the whole month she was in rehab, and even after she left rehab and was staying at her parents house. After rehab, she stayed at her parents house for 3 weeks(almost 2 hrs away), and just moved back into the recovery house about 2 weeks ago, and I have only seen her a total of 4 times since she left rehab a month ago. Two of the times, were very brief. I pretty much just gave her a kiss and some money. I don't understand why she would continue to tell me that she loves me and misses me when she hasn't really made any efforts to see me. Recently, she has barely answered my phone calls, and a lot of the time, she doesn't text me back. I don't care about the money because I love her and she needs to find a job ASAP to pay rent at the house. I gave her $200 in the past week, just so she would have food, cigarettes, and some spending money. I know a little bit of the money went to rent, but it's really starting to bother me that she is just ignoring me, when I am making all of these efforts to support her and see her. I haven't gotten upset with her or anything. All I've done is be supportive and try to help any way possible. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Does anyone know general rules for recovery houses? This is getting to be very difficult for me, because I have no idea what's going on, and I feel that she doesn't care about how I feel, even though I know that she has more on her plate than anyone right now, but she can't even reply to a text when I ask her if she needs anything? It's become a real problem. I almost feel like she's using me because she knows that I love her, and I'll do pretty much anything to make her happy.

Macallister

The lack of communication between us makes me want to get completely wasted, which is why I drank on Saturday. I've been having such a hard time with this, and when she ignores me it makes me want to drink even more than I already do. I want to go to a meeting, but I don't want her to see me there in case we go to the same one. I think she'd feel smothered even though she suggested my going with her a week ago.

Skye2

Hi there It's a tough one to call with not knowing either of you in person to be honest, but when I have a problem like this, I tend to listen to my gut reaction/instincts.
Obviously a clear head (ie being sober), makes things a lot easier to rationalise.

Hope things sort themselves for you

Anna

I think that you're trying to stop drinking - is that right? If so, focus on that and stay on course to stop drinking.

Have you considered AlAnon as a support for yourself to help you through the issues with your girlfriend's addiction? It might be something to check out.

Also, we have a forum on this board for Friends & Families.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

least

I would just give her some space for a while. Having just gotten out of rehab she's getting used to being 'outside' in the real world and might be having some issues of her own. And don't take it so personally. Unless she tells you it's over you can't second guess her intent.

Just work on your own recovery first and foremost.