Clarity
 

I joined SR in March this year and to be honest, I wanted to stop drinking but never really had the conviction to do so.

Yesterday, I bought 2 bottles of wine and hid them, then drunk them after my husband went out to meet his sister and brother. He is not drinking at the minute - health drive.

He doesn't know that I had them.

I realised that I am kidding noone but myself. It is my health at risk. I watched a programme last night about a 35 year girl who has to get 20+ litres of fluid drained from her stomach every 3 weeks due to ascites - alcohol induced. It was also about binge drinking and the people interviewed said they did it because ' you only live once'. There was a 21 year old who has had 2 bouts of pancreatitis and still drank heavily.

I just thought to myself - 'wise up .... and there but for the grace of God etc'.

I feel like c**p today but also feel good because I never want to fell like this again. Its not worth it - life is for living and drinking does not enable that.

I have so much I want to do and drinking prevents me from achieving anything. I signed up to do a degreee in health and social care, starting in February, and was actually considering not doing it because I knew that I couldn't do it while drinking. More sensible to do the course and give up the drink!!

Anyway, I am just putting my thoughts out into the air - they are not entirely thought through or edited.

I will be on SR a lot over the next days, months etc.

Keep well everyone xx

I think everyone reaches that point where they never want to go through that again...I really hope you've reached that point Snaggle, cos you're right, it won't get better.

Make the decision, and follow through with it - turn your life around....I really believe you can do it :)

D

Thanks Dee. It's hard to describe but it's like my whole attitude to alcohol has changed. It's like I've just realised the harm it does. I don't know....I just know I don't want it in my life anymore.... I hope I will keep feeling this way.

Anyway Dee how are you keeping? I hope you are feeling a bit better. Glad you are back on SR :) your support is greatly appreciated by us all x

It's true that you never have to suffer like that again. I find that it is critically important to actively work every day on understanding and remembering the link between drinking and my suffering. Otherwise, my motivation to stay stopped wanes as I start to feel better.

I'm good thanks Snaggle :)

D

Snaggle, I feel very much the same way right now. I drank this past weekend, which was yet another slip for me which I seem to be doing every 2 weeks/4 weeks or 6 weeks. My rationalization is that its so much better than drinking every day like I did up until about 2 years ago. Yes, it is better, but not good enough. Not at all. I don't want the pain or suffering at all anymore either, not even every few weeks.

I think its a great idea to start your degree, and it will give you that extra motivation to stay sober.

We can do this Snaggle, once and for all.

Welcome snaggle! You got this! I remember my "moment of clarity" when it seemed a veil was removed from my eyes and I saw the demon that is alcohol for what it truly is. I try daily to keep my mind on what it really is and just pray for one more sober day! Its not easy but IS worth it! :)

I hope you do understand the damage you are doing to your body. It took me long enough! Don't wait until it is too late and the damage is done . Stop drinking now! It may not be easy at first but learn from others on here who have been sober for years and you will see they ALL say it gets easier with time. So I hope you knuckle down and do what needs to be done. Keep posting on your progress.

Seems to me as if this sober thing is all a process that takes time. Lots of time and thought. This site has been great so far. What have you been doing forabetterlife that works? :tyou

Hi snaggle! I felt like I could have written your post. I too was really worried about my physical health. When I finally got around to working on my recovery, I realized that my physical health was just the tip of the ice burg!
My drinking kept me from starting and finishing most of my goals in life. I was either postponing my projects endlessly, or I dove into them with a huge amount of enthusiasm, only to quit halfway through.
I was helped enormously by a variety of recovery programs: addiction therapy, an outpatient clinic, AA and listening to AA speakers online, and visiting SR, to name a few things. Are there any recovery options close to you?

Exactly! I don't want to forget - I want to start to take care of myself and I mean that in a literal way.

Fantastic. So good you have the forethought to do this before it gets too out of hand. So many don't.xxxx

Thanks everyone for your advice. I just feel a bit like my eyes have opened to all the real dangers and consequences of my drinking. I do have a lot of thinking to do and figure out what the best way to do this is. At the moment I have absolutely no inclination whatsoever to have a drink. I know complacency will creep in and I must be vigilant but I just can't keep doing this (2 bottles of wine mostly every night and trying not to eat much as I don't want to put on weight!)

I think the change in my thinking comes down to realising that I am taking care of myself by not drinking and that drinking is not some kind of reward. Before when I tried to stop I just got angry all the time because I felt deprived and wanted to be 'normal'.

Take care everyone x

Day 2...its a start :)

Snaggle, I can relate to your moment of clarity.

I went through something similar because my health was at risk and thank goodness, my attitude shifted and I stopped drinking.

I hope your Day 2 goes well!