candy3679

Hi everyone. I'm new to this sit because for the first time in 15 years I have chosen to get clean for myself. A little background: I started using vicodin in high school and my addiction grew from there. My drug of choice is still pills but I have dabbled in snorting and injecting. The longest I have been sober was during my pregnancy but as soon as I delivered I went right back to using. I'm 100% ready to be clean and to stop, I'm just scared. This addiction has been my crutch I lean on for too many years. I'm ready but just need someone I can talk to at times who understands what I'm going through. Any words of wisdom or advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm really ready and want to be sober. Thank you for all of your time if you are reading this.

hayley86

Welcome candy3679, SR is a great place for support and understanding. It's natural to feel scared of stopping. I was scared too. Sobriety is worth it though. In my recovery i learned new techniques to cope so i didn't pick up a drink. Glad you have joined us. Best wishes.

least

to SR! You'll find lots of support here. I'm glad you joined us.

candy3679

Thank you so very much its nice to hear I'm not alone. My main fear is that the mental cravings will get the best of me. I can handle the withdrawal but the mental aspect is a bitch. That will be my biggest downfall. Do you have any suggestions that may help me get through the tough times? Even going on messages boards is a huge step for me, I'm very private ( only 5-6) of my close friends know whats going on and I can't turn to them, they still think I'm sober. My husband actually suggested me going online to find support. Any advice will/should help me. I'm just so scared even though I'm ready to stop. I don't want to die or go to jail. I want to be a healthy mom and wife. In your opinion is this a good place to start for help??

ImperfectlyMe

Welcome candy I'm also a mommy to two beautiful little girls. The journey you are about to travel may seem scary and uncharted, but it's the only option you have if you want a chance at freedom. Congrats on doing something for you. I stayed very close to SR in the beginning for daily support. Check out the October class everyone will be at the same place as you. Be proud of yourself, it's a new lease at life. I'm certain you will find out things about yourself you never knew.

Congrats and good luck!!!!! 😃

candy3679

Everyone thank you so far. Getting some responses and feedback so quickly is making me think I can really do it this time around. In the past I was always too shy to go to meetings to talk with strangers but I think this site will give me an outlet and the support I've been looking for. I truly hope I can do this because otherwise I'm going to lose everything

MythOfSisyphus

Good to have you with us, Candy!

liberated

Welcome Candy! I know whats its like- as so many of us do- to have this secret. Letting it be known here helps makes us accountable AND feel the relief of letting go and getting on with recovery. I'll be here if you need me- as we all will- helping you along this path. YOU CAN DO THIS!

candy3679

This may be a silly question but since I'm new to this whole experience, what is this message board all about? Is everyone pretty much helpful and encouraging towards everyone? My hope is to find a few people that I can really be honest with and talk with frequently to help me stay sober especially during the bad times when I don't think I can do it any longer. I've always been told I'm the worse type of addict because I use because I genuinely like to be high. I'm sure everyone enjoyed doing it or else we wouldn't be here. But I'm not someone who started using because they came from a bad or broken family, I've never been abused in any manor ect. I don't know of that makes sense to anyone but I guess I'm not what some people would call a stereotypical addict. I became an addict cause I likes it. Intact I still like it, bit I know its ruining my life and nothing positive will come to me if I continue. I've been lucky enough to never have been arrested or seriously hurt while using. I just want to be able to be happy in life without the drugs and I hope by me reaching out and finally admitting there is a problem with me, that I can stop and become the person I want and know I can be. I just don't know if I have the will power to stay sober. All I know is that I've never spoken this open about my issues to anyone ever before and I hope this board and the people I meet with finally give me the strength to stop permanently. I hope I'm making some sort of sense.

candy3679

And I don't mean to ramble, I'm just confused and pissed off at myself for letting my life get so messed up, and for lying to some of the most important people in my life to the point they no longer have any trust in me. I never stole I was always able to financially support my habit and continued to pay my bills and have a otherwise normal life. I'm mad at myself for hurting and scaring my loving parents who found me when I overdosed (now that I have my own child. I can't even imagine the fear my mom felt that day). I'm mad that I couldn't control it but I let it control me. I'm mad that I am a disappointment to my mom and dad, they didn't raise me to turn into an addict. I truly can't believe how much I've messed up my life and how much money I've spent over the years. I'm disappointed in myself, but since I have made the choice to stop And get sober I'm beginning to get happy when I think how much better my life is going to be and I'm getting happy knowing I have a place to go to and talk to people who may be going through the same issued. I really think I can do it this time

changeiscoming

The mental part of this is difficult and you need to put in all your effort. Yesterday I had a really crappy day at work. Usually I would get a couple of drinks before i got on the train. I left work with drinking on my mind and I was hell bent on picking up. I kept reciting my promises to myself past all the stores and past the bar on the platform. I got on my train and wanted to cry but I did it - I used my strength to get past it. By the time I got home I felt like a million dollars instead of like a piece of crap for caving. Good luck to you.

DaveDfromMphs

Im New here too... Finding the people in the rooms i go too quite interesting... They all seem to wanna give me their phone number... whats up with that??