tnman1967

I need some help and encouragement when it comes to dealing with the old av voice saying: You can have one, you've been sober for 90 plus days, what do you mean you can't have a couple of beers with friends.

The other aspect of this is, the loss I feel when people around me talk about going out after work for a few, the key word is a few. I never stopped at a few. If I did, I ended up going back after a day or two and doing the double amount of what I did the first time and then progressively getting worse week by week.

Why do I still get these voices in my head? why do I feel a loss when I can't go out with the "cool" people. I'm almost 47 years old, I could care less what other people think about me, I'm just missing the buzz I guess.

Deep down I know all this is not a solution and I don't want to drink, I'm just scared of the complacency. I had a year of sobriety in 1996. I threw that away. I have had several five months plus sober stretches since then but I always get complacent and end up going to the bar. Today I walked in to my favorite lunch restaurant near my work. The first thing I see is the new billboard out front, advertising their latest special. A real good brown ale at a real good price. Why am I the only person in that joint that feel sorry for myself that I can't have that brown ale. I had to fight the av voice the whole day so I wouldn't pick up the alcohol again. I'm tired today, I need a better way of dealing with this on a daily basis.

suki44883

Well, to be honest, you CAN have that brown ale. You can drink, if you want to go back to that dark place. It all depends on how much you DON'T want to go back there.

What are you doing for support on a daily basis? Do you have a plan?

tnman1967

Nah, see there in lies the problem, I can't have that brown. I don't have a plan because I have done them all in the past. This time I don't' believe in any specific plan besides the one which says I can't have that brown. The question and encouragement I need is really a way off being able to cope with the loss and with the fact that I can't drink. Don't get me wrong, I understand your reasoning and it might work for you. I am determined to do it differently this time. I'm going to accept the fact that I can't have that brown. The fact is I don't want to drink, I'm looking for a way of seeing the beauty in not drinking instead of feeling sorry for not being able to go out with the crowd. Just venting I guess. I feel better already just because I vented on here.

Johnston

I've gradually replaced those voices with others - hobbies, reading, healthy social interaction. The av comes back, but not so often. He doesn't stay as long either.

tnman1967

That works for me a lot also, I have a lot of hobbies and interests. The av starts more like when I run up to every day scenarios like today. Seeing a new beer at a place which never had that kind, being asked by a fellow coworker to go out for a beer etc. I agree the av doesn't come back as often, but one slip is enough if you know what I mean.

Johnston

I have to make a conscious effort to not look at the beer on tap when I'm out eating. Huge trigger for me.

Grungehead

For me I had to find something to disarm the trigger. I don't think I could stand living the rest of my life either A) avoiding triggers and/or B) fighting through the cravings caused by triggers. My plan has removed my triggers, as long as I don't get...yep...complacent. My personal experience is that I can't do this on my own. All I need for proof is my track record.

Dee74

If you don't have a plan you're pretty much sunk tman....noones 'done them all'.

If we want to stay sober, I think we need to work at it - I still do. It's like an engine - you need to do regular maintenance or it will let you down.

Not doing anything particular for our recovery means that sooner or later a situation is going to come up and we;re going to be unprepared for it.

I think supports important - it can be anything you want, and not necessarily AA or NA if you don;t go that way - but you need people to call on when you feel vulnerable.

I think most of us need to make changes in our lives too - we need to move on from the old drink centred life, and we need to work out how to deal with things without drinking..

how much work have you done on that kind of stuff?

D

suki44883

Maybe stop looking at alcohol as something you are missing out on. Quit romanticizing it. Stop feeling like you're punishing yourself for not imbibing. Maybe say to yourself, it's not that I CAN'T drink, I REFUSE to ever go back to that misery.

There is nothing romantic about alcohol, especially to an alcoholic. It can and will destroy our lives if we allow it.

Hevyn

I agree with Suki. You're not missing a thing, tnman. I know it seems that way in the beginning. I suffered from 'fear of missing out' for awhile. Eventually those feelings of resentment faded. They were replaced with the joy of being free. It's still early days for you - things will get better & easier. It doesn't stay this intense forever.

dwtbd

Good to see that you feel better after venting on here. Because in the op it almost sounds like the av has you about convinced that fighting it on another day one would be easier. It also sounds like the av figures a good price for booze is somehow a positive thing.
I know the feeling, walked into my store the other they were having a rum taste testing, not a rum guy but it was free and they know me as a "good" customer. I did feel for like a split second hmm, but it was more like a twitch, it was a total beast reaction. The rational side laughed off the offer, but I did feel "it".
I think it's good to challenge the beast, meaning acknowledge it stare it down and tell it to bugger off from time to time. It shrivels in the light of day, maybe complacency is partly letting it fester in the background.

instant

In the end accepting that I can't drink was a great relief. The burden/ torment of should I shouldnt I was off the table. I could only happen once i accepted that what was happening was only going to get worse, never change, and becoming less controllable, more painful and unpredictable.

Freedom is possible despite advertising and the widespread use of alcohol - but I had to change to get there.

Complacency and forgetting are great friends of addiction

tnman1967

Thanks for this post, that's what I'm aiming for and it is getting easier. I just had a rough time yesterday but coming on here helped me through. I want to be able to accept that I can't drink. I don't want to even think that it is allowed in my life anymore. I am done with drink.