Afterthought

Wise words. Perhaps I should not rule out anything in-patient and give myself that extra tool in the "toolbox" so to speak. I'll reconsider and take a look at some options that might not affect my studies. Thanks for the advice!

That's when I either start to get bored or the 'little voice' starts becoming stronger to stop by the Supermarket on the way home for some wine. Ugh.

Thanks Like2Hike. I didn't take it as preachy at all, rather some sage words to reflect and consider. Thank you!

I am starting to come to this conclusion myself after much soul-searching and reflection.

To your comment about fellow clinicians in recovery, I understand and appreciate that. I think part of it is my own fear and apprehension about it becoming public knowledge. Perhaps I need to 'get over myself' in this regard.

TrixMixer

Hi Afterthought,

Welcome to SR! You have taken that first giant step with your admittance of your inability to control your alcohol intake.

I went to a counselor. It worked for me because it was a one on one face to face experience. I needed some personal accountability. No one has to know your business, but you will need guidance. AA was not for me because I was a very private person--probably to a fault.

You sound like you have the dream life--don't let it go---and it will if you don't seek help now. SR will always be here for you.

Best Wishes,
TrixMixer

Afterthought

Hi Trix,

I am blessed. Your response actually had me review how blessed I actually am, since there are many occasions in the middle of it that I forget. I'm in the process now of talking to professionals about my options forward.

Itchy

Looking at options forward is well put. As opposed to framing the reasons past why we needed to stay the same and holding options backward dearly.

Mags1

Hello afterthought, this is my 14 th week tomorrow. Yes my body would love to give in to my cravings but my mind is made up and I have given in to it too many times over the years, it's had all the alcohol it's ever going to have, and I feel a hell of a lot better in so many ways. So good luck and keep positive and keep on visiting SR, I've had some great tips and experiences from reading these pages.

Afterthought

I hear you, Itchy. I can't do that anymore. The current situation is completely unobtainable much less sustainable in any form. I can't do the status-quo anymore and still remain human in addition to something that I recognize. I can try (and even try to fake the results and circumstances that come from it), but nothing would ever truly change.

It would be cosmetic only, like a puppet master re-painting a face of a favorite puppet to suit the current trend to suit the customers. That isn't real life...

I would be just like a man that changes the scenery in a play or musical. I would re-arrange circumstances and possibilities, even with the hope and promise of change -- but with no real effect or causation on anyone that could affect the plot. In other words, no real affect at all or anything that would matter. It's an empty promise (or a threat depending on who you talk too), and one that would never lead to anything other than a broken heart.

I have to give up looking for options and make a commitment to some actual change rather than relying on platitudes or optimism. I have a problem now, not when I choose it to be convenient.

Congrats on 14 weeks, Mags! I would love to get to the point where you are, and hope at sometime in the future I am. I can totally believe you that yuo feel better. I would love to be there. I'm starting to see the support I can receive here, and hope that helps push me to recovery -- in honesty, it already has..

EndGameNYC

Hello again.

I didn't want to hijack the other thread, so I'm responding here.

The "easier, softer way" for me became working the AA Big Book Twelve Steps. Yes, it's work. But compared to all the planning, scheming, hiding, lying, daily binging and later recovering from the effects of alcohol...and just all the time and energy I put into drinking and thinking about drinking...it was more like a full-time job that was exhausting, had medical, social, professional, and emotional consequences, and there was little or no payoff.

I don't want any part of that ever again. I learned to like and enjoy my life through working and then living the twelve steps.

My profession, too, frowns on alcoholism and other addictions. Many of us actually provide treatment for addictions. After all but destroying my professional reputation, I was able to get back to working in my field about eighteen months into sobriety, and I'm loving my work more now than at any other time in my career. Except the early part when I was taking in my learning and supervision at every turn.

At twenty six months sober following a three-year relapse during which I lost everyone and everything dear to me in life, all is well.