had a small revelation
 

I was thinking, as I always do at the moment, about how I desperately needed for my ex to forgive me. That it meant everything to me. And he was giving me all this anger.which I totally understand. And then it dawned on me. More important than him forgiving me is that I forgive myself and be kind to me. Which means staying away from him. Because just as I started to feel happy he made me want to hate myself and feel soooo guilty. Which if I want to get better I can't do. Maybe I'm wrong.but maybe my forgiveness is more important.

I think that's true, AN. A breakup always hurts and that won't ever change. But you have to start with yourself. You can't control anything anyone else does, so have to at least be able to control yourself. No one else's forgiveness will help you until you forgive yourself.

What a powerful insight to live by. Thanks for sharing.

Self acceptance is a tough gig AN

my thoughts are with you

Absolutely true. I have gotten sober through AA (I don't mention it as promotion, there are other ways to skin this cat) and couldn't understand why it was so important to do this personal inventory. What difference did it make what I did 20 years ago??

In retrospect, I realize it was important because if I was still dragging 20 year old baggage around in my subconscious, it was a hindrance to forgiveness. Forgiveness is like pulling the yarn on a cheap sweater: once you start, the whole thing starts to untangle. I found that I couldn't forgive myself without also forgiving those whose transgressions to me were hanging around in my memories. It may seem like a lot of trouble (and it is, trust me) but cleaning out the attic of our discontent is really important to getting and staying sober.

AN: Thanks for sharing your insight & keep up the good work!

Good thinking ;) :c011: