minouminou

I first got sober in June 2013, but after a couple of weeks I "went out" because I still felt so alone and the feeling was too much for me. Any feeling is, really, at this point (which is one of the many ways I know I am an alcoholic). But loneliness is big for me. I am a single (straight, if it matters) woman, late 30s, never been married, no kids. I pushed all that away so I could drink. It was never my intention to be alone -- I always wanted to have a partner and a family, I was just too scared and hated myself too much. In the AA meetings I attend, so many people talked about their sobriety in terms of their partners or kids, and when I couldn't identify, I left. The fact that I didn't have anyone to get or stay sober for (I didn't consider myself to be worth it) seemed to confirm that what I deserved was a miserable alcoholic death.

Luckily, I don't always feel like that anymore. I feel that I am worth getting and staying sober for, all by myself, at least enough of the time to keep me coming back for 107 consecutive days so far.I'm grateful to be sober and sometimes it's nice to know that I don't have to explain my nutty sober behavior to anyone (or get a sitter so I can go to meetings). But it's still hard. I never wanted it to be like this, but I chose alcohol and this is what I got, you know? Anyway, it seems like I bring this up in every meeting and my sponsor hears about it too much already, so I am saying it here instead.

Thanks for letting me share.

FeenixxRising

There's nothing wrong with being a single woman in your 30's. You're still young and you have a lot of life left to live. And don't ever feel that your not worth sobriety, so get that toxic thought out of your head ASAP.

Once you have some sober time, you can always pursue dating and relationships. In the meantime, if you don't take time now to get yourself sober and centered, you will find it hard to develop any kind of healthy and meaningful relationship.

IMO, you should focus on getting well, and enjoy the benefits of not having to answer to anyone or deal with a relationship right now.

Nuudawn

Minou...you have absolutely no idea how much I relate with your post. My history/life reads much the same. No kids and no husband....or any man period right now. Just add a few more years as I am in my mid-40's now. Regrets? Ya...I gotta few but well, I hid behind my alcohol walls...in relationships too...almost all my adult life. I didn't know how to truly be there for anyone else or more importantly, myself. I abandoned me a long, long time ago.

So here I am ..mid-40's...trying to grow up...it's not easy...but...better late than never.

NewMe32

I truly understand your pain..

I also made excuses in my addicted mindset as to why I should walk out of meetings or no longer attend...

My excuse always was that I didn't 'fit in' with the people bc the majority were of a different race, attendees were too young or too old, etc..

(I had the husband and the kid but trust me that that does not make recovery any easier, for me, its made it hell a lot more complicated and damaging to some extent...)

I'm a single woman now, and sometimes have to catch myself from putting myself down bc I chose my relationship over my career. I wasn't willing to let go of the relationship bc of all the sacrifices I had made and that caused me to endure a 7-year abusive marriage that was a complete wrecking ball!


Know that where you are in your life right now, is where you are supposed to be, push the negative thoughts out and don't forget that things can be much, much worse.

TomSawyer

I can relate to that feeling of being at an AA meeting and everyone talking about their spouse and kids, whereas I have nothing to speak of. But I am realizing at this point that if I continue drinking, I will never be able to have those things (because the drinking has been the reason the last couple relationships I had failed, as it continues to get worse). With recovery there is the prospect of a healthy future, and that's good motivation for me.

least

Can you get out in your area and join something? A social club or something? Or volunteer someplace. Great way to meet people and give something back to society.

longbeachone

As you begin to love yourself you will find it so much easier to find someone to share your life with. Sobriety will help so much. It is absolutely never too late to find love and partnership.

ForestRunner

No matter how much I love my kids and my husband, and how much I know my sobriety is important for them, it is even more important for me. For me, because there is so much out there in the world to experience while we are here... Great books, great meals, travel, walks in nature... So, I don't think it is just about getting sober because you are married or because you have kids. Of course that is important and the responsible thing to do, but what is even more important is to honor your own life. We don't know what happens in the end. That's why we should seize this beautiful life and enjoy its beauty while we have it. That's what keeps me going... The desire to experience life to the fullest, even if in a small way. Then, I can impart that curiosity and joy in living to my husband and children. And, if you are single now, sobriety will hopefully open your eyes to the wonder of life and others will see that fire in you and attract people to you. But, we can never realize that kind of connection if we are drunk and passed out on the couch, can we?

allihk

Minouminou. I completely understand. I am 40. No other half and no children either. I have made choices in my life that got me here. Whether they were bad or good choices I now don't think it matters as it has shaped who I am. I find it difficult Some days and this is not where I thought I would be either. However I am now learning to think differently. Concentrate on being healthy, sober and happy. With that I believe that things will change. For me being at home drinking til drunk is not going to find me what I want. It's beef too late! My best friend keeps telling me "how can to expect to be loved if you can't love yourself'. So that's my focus. Sober and self kindness. Be kind to you. X