Venecia

The good, bad and unclear:

- For the first couple weeks without drinking, I was astonishingly tired during the days. That has passed, but I thought I'd be sleeping really well. Not so: Most days, I have to drag myself out of bed.
- My skins looks better; the about-to-burst bloated feeling is gone; I've lost a few pounds. In general, I feel better but I think I also had too-high expectations ... that I'd feel awesome all the time. I don't.
- The urge to drink puzzles me. Following a couple super-stressful days at work (not consecutive), I managed without much urge. Conversely, there have been a couple days (also not consecutive) I have wanted a drink so badly and yet there is no 'trigger' that I can identify. Ordinary days without drama. I don't know why the urges were so powerful.
- My logical side tells me I cannot drink again. A separate part of me still wonders if the day might come when I can. So far, the logical side is ahead.
- More money in my checking account!
- Hangovers really are the pits. I don't miss them!
- I realize I compartmentalize, or isolate, or both. Most who know me would not suspect I had a problem. Others have, I'm sure.
- There are times I feel I'm accomplishing something great. Other times, I'm so angry at myself ... often wonder what my life would have been like if I could only have been 'normal.'
- I wonder what the rest of my life will be like.

That's it. Just needed to share. I found SR online on one of those really tough days. Didn't join until last week. It feels like a good place, one where I can go the next time the urge hits and one where I can go just to be among others on this path.

Thanks for reading.

flujays

Thanks for sharing, it keeps us grounded to know the ups and downs are all a normal part of recovery. Congrats on the sober time, you're doing great!

Renarde

Thank you and congrats!

least

I think the first six months can be very up and down, both physically and mentally. Sounds like you're doing well now, keep it up! Treat yourself well too; good food and rest. The longer you go sober the better you'll feel. And if you still aren't feeling 'good' after a few more months then maybe a visit to your doctor is in order.

NewMe32

Thanks for your post

advbike

Great post, thanks, it describes my pattern of recovery pretty well too - lots of ups/downs, general fatigue, poor sleep, and not much craving exept at some odd times. However, I'm avoiding known triggers for me that I learned about with past attempts - overseas travel, dinner parties, and microbreweries, lol.

I'm just about to day 60 myself. Exercise really helps with all of these issues, at least for me, so I'm trying to bike or hike almost every day before the weather gets too lousy. Reading and posting here on SR also is very helpful and has allowed me to avoid going to AA meetings for support, except from time to time.

Venecia

Thanks, all. Advbike, I have managed to get through a week of vacation in the Southwest successfully, which felt like a total victory. But I love overseas travel -- and I think I understand the unique challenges it poses. I don't have any plans in the foreseeable future, which may be a good thing (at least on that level). Have a challenge ahead with the annual party that my best friend and her husband throw. I'm planning on a brief presence.

Microbreweries are a growing presence where I live, but nothing like Oregon. I can see why they should be avoided.

You're right about exercise; I definitely need to get to the gym more. Congrats on Day 60. You have a lot to be proud of.

Again, thank you.

advbike

Great job on getting through your vacation week in the Southwest - that is a real accomplishment in early recovery. Good luck on the party - always have a backup plan/excuse to leave if it gets tough, but it sounds like you have the right strategy and mindset to get this done.