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Old 10-20-2013, 02:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Feeling like Saying F it all


pretty down today. I have been staying with my parents for the last month do to the fact that my wife doesn't want me at home. I went to my parents to get sober and be accountable for my actions during this early time of my recovery but today they told me that they have fulfilled their duties and it is time for me to leave. I have no money and no place to go. I feel like whats the point of staying sober. I am going to stay strong and not drink for me but today has the been the hardest one so far. Just needed to vent a little thanks for listening.
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Old 10-20-2013, 02:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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There's not a problem in the world that drinking won't make worse my friend. If you are facing what you describe you need your wits about you to cope and do the best for yourself - and any future you are hoping to have.
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Old 10-20-2013, 02:51 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Just go home. Start things fresh with your wife. If she is still resistant, she can be the one to leave. I think if you're honest with her and you stay sober, there should be no problem with you at your home.

You need a roof over your head too.

Good luck.

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Old 10-20-2013, 02:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hang in there, your in a rough jam right now but just keep trying to do the next right thing and you'll make it to the other side.
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:01 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I hope that you can find a place to stay.
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:06 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm sorry your parents made that decision right now White. I'm glad you wanted to discuss it here.

I agree with Mentium - the problem will only be made worse by drinking. I don't think you will - but I know you're tempted & I understand. You need to be clear headed to face whatever comes next - I hope you'll keep on the path to your new and sober life.
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:08 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi - Do you think your parents are trying to force a reconciliation between you and your wife? It sounds like a typical parental 'thing to do'.
Unless something dramatic has happened, I can't imagine they would let you leave, knowing you have nowhere to go. Perhaps test the waters with your wife and see how the land lies there?

Drinking, as others have said, is just going to destroy both of those options, so you really can't afford to be doing that right now, however tempting it might seem (and it always does until you have to face people's anger and your own disappointment and bad health the next days)

Be strong and above all 'communicate' with all concerned
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:15 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I haven't been working of the last two months, one was because I was on a bender the other one was detox and recovery, so they are pissed that I am being a bum. Even thou my counselor thinks its a good idea to just focus on recovery for the first few months if I have that option. I thought I did so I didn't really care about money or work I just worked on not drinking that day. I was told by my father that it was my fault that I had no money because I didn't work and I have to figure something out.
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:18 PM   #9 (permalink)
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The one thing I know for sure is drinking will only make a bad situation worse.
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:28 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Perhaps if you could ask your therapist to chat to them, on the phone if not in person and explain how important it is for you to concentrate on recovery for now?

It's not easy for people to understand, if they've not been through it They assume once you've stopped, that's it.
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:32 PM   #11 (permalink)
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In my early recovery I stayed at a homeless shelter for a month.

It was helpful and humbling. My recovery friends were always there to support me.
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:45 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Hi. I went through a bit of a similar situation in my drying out period and in AA. It was very tough love back then and my BS was worn out. I pouted, complained how bad life was, and was finally told to Man up as the world wasn't going to change for me. Shocked I started to fulfill some of my duties besides not drinking and stopped using drinking as a crutch. I found work was a good therapy as it got me away from self thinking thoughts. It takes time and I wanted what I wanted NOW but it doesn't work that way. Work and self discipline works for the long term. BE WELL
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:52 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi. I went through a bit of a similar situation in my drying out period and in AA. It was very tough love back then and my BS was worn out. I pouted, complained how bad life was, and was finally told to Man up as the world wasn't going to change for me. Shocked I started to fulfill some of my duties besides not drinking and stopped using drinking as a crutch. I found work was a good therapy as it got me away from self thinking thoughts. It takes time and I wanted what I wanted NOW but it doesn't work that way. Work and self discipline works for the long term. BE WELL
My dad always used to say boredom is a luxury.
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Old 10-20-2013, 04:34 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I would call up a hotline in your area and get some help. From your previous posts you mentioned your wife doesn't want you there, yet she is drinking? Keep your number one priority your sobriety, if you don't have that, you won't have anything else either.
That is kind of rotten of your parents to kick you out when you are really just getting through the toughest part. You really can't blame them either. Maybe if you got a part time job that would pay for your keep, would that satisfy them? Are you able to do that?
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Old 10-20-2013, 04:42 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I think it's better to stay busy early in recovery, get any kind of job, wash dishes, whatever. Might help keep you humble, and I think you'll feel better if you're productive. Sitting around stewing is the worst thing you can do. Good luck.
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Old 10-23-2013, 05:19 PM   #16 (permalink)
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well I relapsed and went crazy. I went to my house on sunday and my wife called the cops on me and I spent the night in jail then I went back to my house to sleep it off and she called the cops on me again and I spent 8 hours in the mental unit of the hospital. I am pretty sure I have ruined any chances of my wife taking me back and that is hard to except. I am starting over and I hope that my life will get better it is just hard to see that right now. She was my everything and I am less of a person without her.
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Old 10-23-2013, 05:45 PM   #17 (permalink)
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well I relapsed and went crazy. I went to my house on sunday and my wife called the cops on me and I spent the night in jail then I went back to my house to sleep it off and she called the cops on me again and I spent 8 hours in the mental unit of the hospital. I am pretty sure I have ruined any chances of my wife taking me back and that is hard to except. I am starting over and I hope that my life will get better it is just hard to see that right now...
I hear you man. I've spent a time or two in a "mental unit" for depression and other issues, and know how that can feel and some of the thoughts it can make someone think.

Just know that we are here for you and things will get better if you commit yourself to some form of recovery. I know things are bleak right now and seem hopeless -- but there is hope in leaning on other people when your not strong enough to do it yourself.

I do not know the specifics of your situation nor the nuances of your relationship with your wife, but perhaps she might change her mind when she sees how awesome you are doing with your recovery in the future? You are a person worthy of love and affection regardless of your (and my) illness.

Remember that. We are not our illness and are awesome and beautiful in and of ourselves. Yes, we are flawed and have issues -- but those issues are not us; only an expression of our disease.

Hang in there man,
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Old 10-23-2013, 05:54 PM   #18 (permalink)
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but today they told me that they have fulfilled their duties and it is time for me to leave. I have no money and no place to go. I feel like whats the point of staying sober.
If you have no money and no place to go staying sober should be real easy. I mean how would you be able to get a drink?
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Old 10-23-2013, 07:14 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I'm sorry to hear that WR - whats your plan now?

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Old 10-23-2013, 07:27 PM   #20 (permalink)
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You need to call a hotline and get help. You obviously cannot control your using on your own and need help to stop. I needed help to stop too. It was terribly shameful to me to admit I couldn't do it alone, but I wanted to quit so bad I was even willing to ask for help. Give yourself a break and ask for help from those that understand what you are going through and know how to help you. You won't regret it, I have now been clean and sober for over a year.
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