KateL

She wants sobriety, that'll do for now. Pressure must be off.

Joe Nerv

Yes.

Alcohol is a liar. And an incredibly powerful one. When we're drinking, it is our only solution. Yet is is causing the problem. Alcohol is a depressant. It lies and makes us feel a little relief (until it doesn't anymore), and then compounds the problem.

I went on for years in the state you describe, until I was suicidal and landed in a hospital. It doesn't have to get to that point. There is lots of that can be done. AA isn't a necessity for sobriety, but I couldn't stop without it, and it gave me gifts I never thought imaginiable. I am a completely different person that the person I was when I first stopped drinking, and I've accomplished things I never even dreamed of.

AA gave to me everything that alcohol promised and stole. Plus a whole lot of awesome new friends.

KateL

Sorry, I am behaving like a bossy mother

lucy83

I've ordered a Chinese take away. I am going to do some cleaning before it comes. I am going to enjoy it and then do my homework till I fall asleep. Thank you everyone.

minouminou

Graduate school is a really tough place to not drink, as so much emphasis is put on being "collegial," and the pressure to excel is very hard as well. I didn't quit drinking until after grad school but I wish I had had your self-awareness to try earlier. My only advice would be that as hard as quitting drinking may be, graduate school is even harder if you're depressed (as I was, in large part because of drinking) and then both difficulties just seem to multiply. It's great that you're here, keep coming back and asking as many questions as you need. I bet you could ask your non-drinking friends for help, and maybe check out AA. Even if you decide the program is ultimately not for you, the fellowship helps with feelings of loneliness and isolation -- and remember, you don't have to do this alone. Congratulations on all the big things you are doing right now!

wpainterw

Hi Lucy: You say you work in a bar and "have no way of escaping" being around alcohol. Is that your only job opportunity, working in a bar? Is it not possible to arrange your social life so as to avoid, at least at the beginning of your recovery, always being around folks who like to drink? It sounds like you're making it hard for yourself by "white knuckling" it. Just gritting your teeth and then maybe saying, "Well I'll have just one..." and starting down the slippery slope again.
Do you really want to stop drinking? If so, then ask the folks on this website. I'm sure they can give you some good suggestions. They've been there, where you are right now.

W.

lucy83

I do want to stop and I think I can. I have to leave the job soon as I am moving cities. But I will probably have to take another bar/restaurant job as it's the most convenient when studying. My job is one of many situations where there is temptation. I will miss it, but I do need to give up drinking at this time. Over the years I have had a healthy relationship with alcohol, but it is a problem for me right now.

lucy83

I'm finding that I am feeling abit better today, but very depressed. Feel like I need to give myself a good shake. Any tips for pushing this feeling away?

Joe Nerv

I find it best to often just accept whatever I'm feeling, and keep putting one for in front of the other. Trying to push the feeling away usually just adds to it. It WILL pass.

If you are going to commit to not drinking, and you want to feel differently you'll have to start making some changes though. Just putting down the alcohol can make for a pretty miserable person. Most of us drank to escape that person.

Is AA a consideration for you?

JuliaGulia99

I know what you mean. I've drank for too long to help relieve stress and anxiety. I always thought of it as an escape from everything bad. But in the morning I realize I've only added to it. Maybe you can try to do something different in your day to make it feel new. Get a massage, go to a park or movie ; anything to mix up your normal routine. It's good that you don't drink alone or have it in your house. Hang in there. Whenever you need to talk, we're all here to listen w/out judgement. Hang in there. We can make it through the day w/ each other.

longbeachone

Lucy, I know that you are feeling very alone in all of this, and because it all seems so very hard and overwhelming, reaching for healthy options probably feels impossible...Lord knows it feels easier to drink over all of it...the schoolwork, the ex, the job. The problem is that your using a VERY temporary solution to a bunch of difficult problems. That, in addition to the physically and emotionally unhealthy issues drinking brings with it has turned what may be difficult problems into what feels like insurmountable problems. So the easy solution of course is to stop drinking. But it's not so easy, right?

The only way for you to find out if sobriety will really help you is to figure out a plan to try it out. Set a goal for getting through a month without drinking. If you have to avoid socializing with your drinking friends, you can do it for a month can't you? Hang around those non drinking friends you mentioned. A recovery meeting like AA will be an enormous help, if you can get to one (it seems scary, but they can be wonderful). Getting a plan for your month will make it easier. Once you've got some sober time under your belt, things that felt difficult to deal with will seem much different. It's often just a matter of perspective. To walk away from alcohol forever seems overwhelming, but to stop for a few weeks is doable, right? Stick around SR...You'll find lots of support here!