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Lying, and twitching and fears good bye...

Old 10-20-2013, 09:19 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
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This one took me to a exceptionally DARK place I had never known before.

It was like sure, you have a choice alright. If you make the one that drinks again I will own you.

Forever.

I instinctively know that there truly is no turning back now.

I know this sounds über dramatic. But a line has been drawn. And beyond a shadow of a doubt, bottom line is, if I don't drink, ever again, I win.

If I do, IT will.

****{shudder}}}
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Old 10-20-2013, 10:05 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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My bet is on you!
But I've been around long enough to also know that there are few absolutes in life--so while I want you to be as strong as possible--sometimes the key to success is persistence, and you seem to have plenty of that.

Don't give up regardless of what happens--we are always brave when we have no other choice, and we really have no other choice when it comes to alcohol.
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Old 10-20-2013, 10:17 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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You succumbed to the biggest lie we alcoholics face...the "I've shown that I can stop so it's okay to have a few" lie.

With me, I had so little control that no matter how much sober time I had, one drink...no, one SIP was all it took to lose all control and drink continuously into I "went to sleep" (ha ha...went to blackout-land).

Alpha, you've got all of the signs and symptoms of a classic alcoholic. AND you have all of the qualities make you a forever recovered former alcoholic. Your four slips are a part of your journey from there to here...important, essential to your quest, and now behind you.

Thanks again for your honesty and integrity. You are a success story!
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Old 10-20-2013, 10:22 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I am glad you could return from there AO and welcome back.
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:40 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by alphaomega View Post
I instinctively know that there truly is no turning back now.****{shudder}}}
This is what I think every successfully sober person experiences - they believe this as much as they believe the sun will pop over the eastern horizon tomorrow morning. No reservations, qualifications, or stories about it - it just isn't possible to drink anymore.

In December it will be four years for me, and I am writing this while sitting in the same chair that I had this epiphany. I was drunk at the time, but I realized that I would spend the rest of my days in an ever worsening spiral if I continued to drink. At that moment, death was preferable to what I anticipated if I couldn't quit.

Some might consider keeping that memory fresh as morose or negative. For me, it is a truth that I cannot afford to ignore or forget. The times when I was tempted, this memory served me well.
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:57 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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AO - congratulations seems like getting to that dark place has been helpful in terms of clarity. I wish you the best in your recovery.
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Old 10-20-2013, 04:07 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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I'm impressed and hope you keep it up you're strong!

best wishes
-ENC
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Old 10-21-2013, 06:07 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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AO, I don't see it as a lie. I see it as the realization that seems to happen when we are really ready...that it that it is not a grand public gesture but rather an intense, private decision that manifests with a series of small decisions that often go unnoticed by the outside world.

I think that is why coming together helps, because we have to navigate in the big world and we can't scream "I WANT A GLASS OF WINE RIGHT NOW!!". It is having to travel among others who are not wrestling with this, especially early on, that makes this so hard. I see a lot, a lot, of courage on SR. And I see way more honesty than I normally expect in the outside world. People come here and freely admit their weaknesses, flaws, struggles.....I don't see any lies in your struggle, at all. It is your journey, and you are well on your way. The potholes and bumps that you hit along the way make it more personal, and when you look back, it will be those hurdles that you had to navigate that make the smooth sailing all the much sweeter.

I have all the faith in the world in you my friend. You have so much wisdom, you can do anything you put your mind to....xo ao!
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Old 10-21-2013, 06:14 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I love honest people! Awesome! 1st step to recovery! Honesty!
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