Aiko

Good night,...

thank you for helping a stranger...
God bless you all!!!

foolsgold66

I shall be a broken record. Find yourself an AA meeting, dear.

trudgingagain

At 38 you are still young and have a lot of years ahead of you...how do you want to spend them? I wish I had gotten "it" at 38 You say you cannot just "disappear"...but are you really present? There is so much "out there" for you to enjoy...clean and sober...Wishing you all the best....

Django

Hey aiko :-) I'm new on here and I even find it hard to post on here because I think people might think I'm a weirdo or something..so stupid isn't it!Unfortunately it's what the drink and the drugs I do when I'm drinking has caused which will get better over the time I'm away from it all :-)

Just thought I would post because I can relate and maybe I can help even if it's by 0.1%.

Firstly you have to admit it,and say it out loud and even look in the mirror and say you have a problem.For me as soon as i did it it was kind of a relief as I've been in such denial about the whole situation and I don't have to hide it from myself.If there was a problem,I would drink.If there was a celebration I would drink.A funny excuse I've made is once I was a 10 minute walk from my house but on the way there is my local pub.It was sunny at midday and a cloud just blocked the sun for a moment and I said "best get some shelter" so went in the pub for a beer,which turned out to be a few more than that.

And I was meant to go to my first AA meeting Wednesday but I was to scared to go just like you.I haven't drank at all (only a week tomorrow) but I said to myself if I do slip up I'm going no excuses.

Also I see you do a lot of exercise.I started doing the insanity program a few months ago but only finished the first month because I got ill and decided it would be a good idea to go on a binge,it isn't,it never is lets face it!Ive started insanity again and exercise really helps me because it gives me something to aim for and keeps me focused.Maybe getting something like that will get your mind thinking about that.Were addicts so may as well get addicted to having a run and a banana :-)

No one wants to be an addict and we've all asked why me when were in a puddle on our knees looking up and the sky when were hammered.We just have to do the best we can and if we slip up then we dust ourselves off,forgive ourselves and move forward.

Forgive yourself and stop trying to win the battle,win the war.All the best :-)

Aiko

foolsgold66

That did hurt... I am a broken record!!!
It hits close to home...

I am on a rampage...
but I decided I am going to go to AA.
I can not cope any more... I have two lives...
the shiny life outside and the rotten one inside!!!
It gets harder and harder to keep the lid.

Today work was so difficult... I just can not concentrate any more...
I felt ill all day... I stooped in the supermarket and started again....
I had to cook dinner I have friends coming round...
and 2 of the are going to get real pissed when they notice...

But I am going to give it a try... I am not well.
I need help!

Yesterday pot and pills
today alcohol and pills
tomorrow pills and pills

I can not control any more I have been trying but I can not do it alone.


And Now I have to put a smile I have guest... I really really do not feel like it... God

I am arranging the trip for the 7th and I Have to stop for Good It is my chance!!!
I can not go to any rehab!!!
I do not know when I will be able to scape in the country side for 9 days and with a good friend of mine. Will walk 133 km... that will help...

I will join the 24 post to help me in my trip...
I was stuck and alone...
This SR has help me a lot, I can not describe it...
Talking to people that understand it...
PRICELESSS

jdooner

Aiko - sounds like you are saying all the right things and if your really feeling them then it sounds like you are ready to quit. So now its about execution. You may want to consult with your Dr. there is medicine that can help and AA is a proven system, it is what I am subscribing too. SR is fantastic but I find, for me that accountability to people around me such a sponsor helps too.

BTW - I can relate to you regarding the perfect outside facade but being dead inside. I just came from therapy talking about this very point for an hour.

Oh yeah, 14 days after I started I had a biz trip around the World in Europe and Asia. I found that being away from my normal environment was tremendously helpful early on. I was also glued to SR during that period.

Good luck.

Dee74

I hope you find AA helps aiko

D