This is my "Day-1" at SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: FL, USA
Posts: 31
This is my "Day-1" at SR
I just found SR today (or by fate, SR found me), and for the first time in years of battling this demon, I feel a sense of hope.
For years, I have been living in this "lie" of a life pretending to be in control of my drinking. And its always the same, repetitive cycle: "I worked my butt off today, so I'll have "a glass" of wine". Then after that one glass, the addiction-demon tricks me into feeling like I'm in total control! So I start preparing dinner thinking to myself, "I can handle it this time"....and I pour several glasses more. After marinating myself in Pinot Noir, the demon is now in control and I'm a passenger in my own train thats about to wreck, wondering "How did i not see this coming"? The thing is, i did see it coming...I always see it coming! But, my desire to be "one of those normal people who can have 2 drinks then stop" beats me every time!
As always, I wake up the next morning to a blurry and painful recollection of the night before (and with a brand-new bruise or two), I'd cry in shame and guilt and swear never to do it again, but I always do. I cowardly face my husband hoping he doesn't call me out on something embarrassing or horrid I said to him or in front of the kids and pray he would just forget about it like I wish I could. And after the guilt, shame, self-loathing and embarrassment, I always say to myself, "you are kidding nobody but yourself". Finally, my husband said it, "I know you are so much better than this, please let our kids see that too". That was 3 days ago, and here I am now.
I'm done being the passenger and not the driver in my own life. I want to kill this demon once and for all. I want to be present not only in my life, but in my husband and children's as well. I want to be the one who stays up after dinner long enough to watch a movie with my family, to read my kids a bedtime story, to kiss my husband goodnight. I'm done cheating on my family with alcohol. I'm ready to live sober.
I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time and I am so glad to have found SR. I wish you all strength and peace.
For years, I have been living in this "lie" of a life pretending to be in control of my drinking. And its always the same, repetitive cycle: "I worked my butt off today, so I'll have "a glass" of wine". Then after that one glass, the addiction-demon tricks me into feeling like I'm in total control! So I start preparing dinner thinking to myself, "I can handle it this time"....and I pour several glasses more. After marinating myself in Pinot Noir, the demon is now in control and I'm a passenger in my own train thats about to wreck, wondering "How did i not see this coming"? The thing is, i did see it coming...I always see it coming! But, my desire to be "one of those normal people who can have 2 drinks then stop" beats me every time!
As always, I wake up the next morning to a blurry and painful recollection of the night before (and with a brand-new bruise or two), I'd cry in shame and guilt and swear never to do it again, but I always do. I cowardly face my husband hoping he doesn't call me out on something embarrassing or horrid I said to him or in front of the kids and pray he would just forget about it like I wish I could. And after the guilt, shame, self-loathing and embarrassment, I always say to myself, "you are kidding nobody but yourself". Finally, my husband said it, "I know you are so much better than this, please let our kids see that too". That was 3 days ago, and here I am now.
I'm done being the passenger and not the driver in my own life. I want to kill this demon once and for all. I want to be present not only in my life, but in my husband and children's as well. I want to be the one who stays up after dinner long enough to watch a movie with my family, to read my kids a bedtime story, to kiss my husband goodnight. I'm done cheating on my family with alcohol. I'm ready to live sober.
I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time and I am so glad to have found SR. I wish you all strength and peace.
Sober since March 21, 2013
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 262
Welcome to SR GeishaRunner!
You've come to the right place.
It's here 24 hours a day with lots of support and advice.
Sounds like you have already been sober for three days. That's a good start!
You've come to the right place.
It's here 24 hours a day with lots of support and advice.
Sounds like you have already been sober for three days. That's a good start!
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Oh, welcome, Geisha! I'm so glad you found us 
One of the biggest changes which my husband commented about early on (and still does) is that he feels I am so much more present and alive. He is as delighted with my sobriety as I am
Grab it, Geisha. It's waiting for you
One of the biggest changes which my husband commented about early on (and still does) is that he feels I am so much more present and alive. He is as delighted with my sobriety as I am
Grab it, Geisha. It's waiting for you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Eastern Shore of Maryland
Posts: 486
Welcome Geisha, you will find lots of support here.
It's likely most of us stumbled on this forum after a google search for something else. In my case I was looking for information on liver pain.
Many of us never leave after finding this place.
Congrats on day 3!
It's likely most of us stumbled on this forum after a google search for something else. In my case I was looking for information on liver pain.
Many of us never leave after finding this place.
Congrats on day 3!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 388
GeishaRunner- WELCOME! I have almost the same story as you and , while this has been so unbelievably hard it's been- at just day 22- the most rewarding thing I have EVERB done for me and my family. Nice to have you in "our family" her at SR. Here's to many years of late, sober nights!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: georgia
Posts: 71
Welcome Geisha!! I have the identical story but I waited and those children of mine have my grandchildren and this Gma of 3 is now a sober Gma !!! You can do this and take it one day at a time!! Everyone here is very supportive and understanding!! Good luck and welcome again!!
I have the identical story but I waited and those children of mine have my grandchildren and this Gma of 3 is now a sober Gma !!! You can do this and take it one day at a time!! Everyone here is very supportive and understanding!! Good luck and welcome again!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: FL, USA
Posts: 31
Thank you all so much for the personal and encouraging replies. I am in tears right now because I can feel the authenticity in all of your replies and the feeling that I'm not alone in this and it is soooo powerful! There is a strength that is resonating through all of you and I feel empowered! Thank you all again!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi Geisha.
I don't recall what the circumstances were when I found SR, but I do know that I was doing just fine at the time...had no crisis in sobriety, and was doing a good job of taking care of myself.
Since that time, it's become clear to me that even just reading the comments on SR help me to stay on a sober path. I don't know how that works, I only know that it does.
I don't recall what the circumstances were when I found SR, but I do know that I was doing just fine at the time...had no crisis in sobriety, and was doing a good job of taking care of myself.
Since that time, it's become clear to me that even just reading the comments on SR help me to stay on a sober path. I don't know how that works, I only know that it does.
to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family.
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