Getting sober AGAIN
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Getting sober AGAIN
Hi everyone!
I have been reading this site for a while and finally decided it was time to join. I am on day 5....this time in sobriety. I once had 8 years in AA, relapsed...came back for 3 years, relapsed...then 4 years. Then my husband and I retired and moved to another country. I have now been drinking for about 3 years. I know the great obsession of an alcoholic is being able to drink like a normal person. That's me! I am just coming off of detox (never went through that before) and it is/was miserable. I want my sobriety/life back. Thought I would try this site, since I live too far away from meetings here. Thanks for listening....
I have been reading this site for a while and finally decided it was time to join. I am on day 5....this time in sobriety. I once had 8 years in AA, relapsed...came back for 3 years, relapsed...then 4 years. Then my husband and I retired and moved to another country. I have now been drinking for about 3 years. I know the great obsession of an alcoholic is being able to drink like a normal person. That's me! I am just coming off of detox (never went through that before) and it is/was miserable. I want my sobriety/life back. Thought I would try this site, since I live too far away from meetings here. Thanks for listening....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
A little about me
I was a functioning alcoholic for years. Doctorate degree, education administrator, etc. Got sober when my 2 girls were about 5 and 8. Actually went to my first meeting drunk. Taken there by an AA member after calling the AA hotline. She was a tough cookie who turned out to be my first sponsor. I think that I keep hitting those "blank spots" that the BB talks about....don't know what starts the relapse, but now it has happened 3 times. I retired in 2010, kept going to meetings and stayed sober....3rd time around...4 years. Once we moved out of the country, I started out sober...but again came a time when I thought I could handle it. Obviously, I was wrong. The last month has been a doozy. My husband is a beer drinker...I always hated beer....but it like a national pastime here....so, of course I started drinking it. Turned into about 6-8 a day, followed by about 4 glasses of wine before dinner...every day for the last month. I have gained about 20 pounds in the last 3 years and look horrible. Too ashamed to tell my sober friends (on FB etc) that I have relapsed. My girls know it, but I tried to convince them it was all under control. I know that they know better. (They 25 are now 25 and 28). My 25 year old came to visit at the end of July. She had been a recovering heroin addict (went to rehab for alcohol at 19). Now have discovered she is on meth, and I am trying to cope with that. I am familiar with al-anon as well...and still struggling with it. She is (I think) on the streets of LA as far as I know. Anyway, I have been in and out of the rooms for years, have worked the steps 3 times now...and am currently full of shame, remorse, self-pity and basically just don't feel physically well. I know it will get better....one day at a time.
AlmA
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
Welcome trudgingagain!!!
Glad you are recovering.... this is a great place... you will get lots of support and advice.
I join a couple of weeks ago and am learning a lot.
I do not go to AA nor have a Sponsor, so this site is helping.
I know the feeling of wanting to drink like others, but it just does not work.
I tried it again and again... It is just accepting we can not...
There is another life we just got to cross the River...
Glad you are recovering.... this is a great place... you will get lots of support and advice.
I join a couple of weeks ago and am learning a lot.
I do not go to AA nor have a Sponsor, so this site is helping.
I know the feeling of wanting to drink like others, but it just does not work.
I tried it again and again... It is just accepting we can not...
There is another life we just got to cross the River...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Yes, one day at a time life will get better. You have done this before and you can do this again. We are here for support. Thank you for sharing your story, and I am sorry to hear of your daughter. Praying she finds peace in her life.
Say cheese!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,379
You have done so much in the past and u could actually kick my arse in being sober.
The amount and years that has built up, im sure u can do it or keep goiing.
why i liked ur post is due to the experience u bring.
take care xx
The amount and years that has built up, im sure u can do it or keep goiing.
why i liked ur post is due to the experience u bring.
take care xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Thank you for your support. Someone in a meeting once told me, after a relapse, that it wasn't really starting over....he likened it to a salt shaker filling up. My previous sobriety and what I have learned over the years is at the bottom and now I am adding to that. I struggle daily, worried about my daughter....will she OD, end up in jail? But....now it is time that I take care of me. Thanks for the positive comments. I appreciate the support.
AlmA
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
HI trudgingagain,
Was just thinking that:
IF YOU ARE NOT WELL
YOU CAN NOT HELP YOUR DAUGHTER
YOU HAVE TO BE SOBER TO HELP HER
IF YOU ARE NOT SOBER
SHE KNOWS IT
GIVE HER EXAMPLE THAT CAN BE DONE
THAT IS THE BEST WAY YOU CAN HELP HER
IF YOU ARE NOT LOST
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO GUIDE HER
AND PUT LIGHT AND PERSPECTIVE IN YOUR LIVES
BUT First is first,
get well and then you will be strong enough to help her.
But she has her own fight and she has to accept her problems
no matter how much you try to say it to her she has to learn by herself.
She has to say I have had enough.
As a good Father you try to guide her
and then she takes her own decisions,
that is your limit,
and when she falls you will be there for her.
That is good parenting.
Glad you find the courage to continue and you will get round it.
Lots of love and strength for the week moments.
Was just thinking that:
IF YOU ARE NOT WELL
YOU CAN NOT HELP YOUR DAUGHTER
YOU HAVE TO BE SOBER TO HELP HER
IF YOU ARE NOT SOBER
SHE KNOWS IT
GIVE HER EXAMPLE THAT CAN BE DONE
THAT IS THE BEST WAY YOU CAN HELP HER
IF YOU ARE NOT LOST
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO GUIDE HER
AND PUT LIGHT AND PERSPECTIVE IN YOUR LIVES
BUT First is first,
get well and then you will be strong enough to help her.
But she has her own fight and she has to accept her problems
no matter how much you try to say it to her she has to learn by herself.
She has to say I have had enough.
As a good Father you try to guide her
and then she takes her own decisions,
that is your limit,
and when she falls you will be there for her.
That is good parenting.
Glad you find the courage to continue and you will get round it.
Lots of love and strength for the week moments.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maine, USA
Posts: 20
You are also helping newcomers like me by coming here and telling your story. Especially about relapsing. I can't imagine what you are going through with your daughter and feeling like you can't help her... but by being here you are helping me. Thank you and I hope you keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1
Originally Posted by trudgingagain 
I was a functioning alcoholic for years. Doctorate degree, education administrator, etc. Got sober when my 2 girls were about 5 and 8. Actually went to my first meeting drunk. Taken there by an AA member after calling the AA hotline. She was a tough cookie who turned out to be my first sponsor. I think that I keep hitting those "blank spots" that the BB talks about....don't know what starts the relapse, but now it has happened 3 times. I retired in 2010, kept going to meetings and stayed sober....3rd time around...4 years. Once we moved out of the country, I started out sober...but again came a time when I thought I could handle it. Obviously, I was wrong. The last month has been a doozy. My husband is a beer drinker...I always hated beer....but it like a national pastime here....so, of course I started drinking it. Turned into about 6-8 a day, followed by about 4 glasses of wine before dinner...every day for the last month. I have gained about 20 pounds in the last 3 years and look horrible. Too ashamed to tell my sober friends (on FB etc) that I have relapsed. My girls know it, but I tried to convince them it was all under control. I know that they know better. (They 25 are now 25 and 28). My 25 year old came to visit at the end of July. She had been a recovering heroin addict (went to rehab for alcohol at 19). Now have discovered she is on meth, and I am trying to cope with that. I am familiar with al-anon as well...and still struggling with it. She is (I think) on the streets of LA as far as I know. Anyway, I have been in and out of the rooms for years, have worked the steps 3 times now...and am currently full of shame, remorse, self-pity and basically just don't feel physically well. I know it will get better....one day at a time.
I can relate to "guilt and shame". I've been sober from alcohol for 5.5 years. Sober from street drugs since 2004. However, in sept. 2011, my severe degenerative disc disease was exacerbated by a motorist hitting me from behind and further pushing some discs into an area pinching nerves and abutting the spinal canal. ....The surgeon felt at the time that I should wait on surgery and I suppose that was my permission statement to take hydrocodone. Trust me - I DID need it bad, but I also knew when I was taking it to "get away". The problem with addicts is that even when rx's are needed, our addictive behavior (in my opinion) will make it near impossible for an addictive substance to Not become a problem....eventually.
Yet I stuffed all of my better judgment and kept going along with the recommendations of doctor's who know a lot about western medicine and NOT a lot about addicts. In fact, I have even told my docs numerous times that I was recovering and I had to KEEP reminding them thru the years when things would come up not to give me something that would be addictive.
So sept. 2011, I was in enough pain (back pain) and tired enough of fighting for my own sobriety...that I decided to give myself permission (back disease) to take pain meds bc after all "it's not drugs or alcohol", right?
Then fast forward to about one year ago. I have known for years that I have severe ADD - it actually leads to my chronic fatigue, depression, anxiety. I am open to any suggestions of natural ADD treatments once I am tapered off my meds. But I knew entering into the meds of the ADD family would be dangerous territory. My drug of choice when I did get high was cocaine or other stimulants. So about one year or more later, I was taking more than prescribed of my ADD meds.
I have now handed over my meds to my husband to taper off for me and I usually stick to a set amount if I don't happen to find the stash of where he's hidden it. He now brightened up to start counting them each day....darn, I was wondering when he was going to come up with that!
I am NOT saying that everyone's philosophy should be 0 narcotics. I am saying for myself, it should be bc even if my meds START off not abused...they will be, in time, used in an addictive fashion.
So that's my situation now. I used to like saying/thinking I had a clean sobriety date of 3/1/08 . I didn't want to admit this to be a relapse bc that would mess up some # like it was a race or an award. But I've now admitted that this is a relapse and the date really doesn't matter ~ the journey does!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Originally Posted by Aiko
HI trudgingagain,
Was just thinking that:
IF YOU ARE NOT WELL
YOU CAN NOT HELP YOUR DAUGHTER
YOU HAVE TO BE SOBER TO HELP HER
IF YOU ARE NOT SOBER
SHE KNOWS IT
GIVE HER EXAMPLE THAT CAN BE DONE
THAT IS THE BEST WAY YOU CAN HELP HER
IF YOU ARE NOT LOST
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO GUIDE HER
AND PUT LIGHT AND PERSPECTIVE IN YOUR LIVES
BUT First is first,
get well and then you will be strong enough to help her.
But she has her own fight and she has to accept her problems
no matter how much you try to say it to her she has to learn by herself.
She has to say I have had enough.
As a good Father you try to guide her
and then she takes her own decisions,
that is your limit,
and when she falls you will be there for her.
That is good parenting.
Glad you find the courage to continue and you will get round it.
Lots of love and strength for the week moments.
Was just thinking that:
IF YOU ARE NOT WELL
YOU CAN NOT HELP YOUR DAUGHTER
YOU HAVE TO BE SOBER TO HELP HER
IF YOU ARE NOT SOBER
SHE KNOWS IT
GIVE HER EXAMPLE THAT CAN BE DONE
THAT IS THE BEST WAY YOU CAN HELP HER
IF YOU ARE NOT LOST
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO GUIDE HER
AND PUT LIGHT AND PERSPECTIVE IN YOUR LIVES
BUT First is first,
get well and then you will be strong enough to help her.
But she has her own fight and she has to accept her problems
no matter how much you try to say it to her she has to learn by herself.
She has to say I have had enough.
As a good Father you try to guide her
and then she takes her own decisions,
that is your limit,
and when she falls you will be there for her.
That is good parenting.
Glad you find the courage to continue and you will get round it.
Lots of love and strength for the week moments.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Originally Posted by KeepTrying13
Trudging again,
I can relate to "guilt and shame". I've been sober from alcohol for 5.5 years. Sober from street drugs since 2004. However, in sept. 2011, my severe degenerative disc disease was exacerbated by a motorist hitting me from behind and further pushing some discs into an area pinching nerves and abutting the spinal canal. ....The surgeon felt at the time that I should wait on surgery and I suppose that was my permission statement to take hydrocodone. Trust me - I DID need it bad, but I also knew when I was taking it to "get away". The problem with addicts is that even when rx's are needed, our addictive behavior (in my opinion) will make it near impossible for an addictive substance to Not become a problem....eventually.
Yet I stuffed all of my better judgment and kept going along with the recommendations of doctor's who know a lot about western medicine and NOT a lot about addicts. In fact, I have even told my docs numerous times that I was recovering and I had to KEEP reminding them thru the years when things would come up not to give me something that would be addictive.
So sept. 2011, I was in enough pain (back pain) and tired enough of fighting for my own sobriety...that I decided to give myself permission (back disease) to take pain meds bc after all "it's not drugs or alcohol", right?
Then fast forward to about one year ago. I have known for years that I have severe ADD - it actually leads to my chronic fatigue, depression, anxiety. I am open to any suggestions of natural ADD treatments once I am tapered off my meds. But I knew entering into the meds of the ADD family would be dangerous territory. My drug of choice when I did get high was cocaine or other stimulants. So about one year or more later, I was taking more than prescribed of my ADD meds.
I have now handed over my meds to my husband to taper off for me and I usually stick to a set amount if I don't happen to find the stash of where he's hidden it. He now brightened up to start counting them each day....darn, I was wondering when he was going to come up with that!
I am NOT saying that everyone's philosophy should be 0 narcotics. I am saying for myself, it should be bc even if my meds START off not abused...they will be, in time, used in an addictive fashion.
So that's my situation now. I used to like saying/thinking I had a clean sobriety date of 3/1/08 . I didn't want to admit this to be a relapse bc that would mess up some # like it was a race or an award. But I've now admitted that this is a relapse and the date really doesn't matter ~ the journey does!
I can relate to "guilt and shame". I've been sober from alcohol for 5.5 years. Sober from street drugs since 2004. However, in sept. 2011, my severe degenerative disc disease was exacerbated by a motorist hitting me from behind and further pushing some discs into an area pinching nerves and abutting the spinal canal. ....The surgeon felt at the time that I should wait on surgery and I suppose that was my permission statement to take hydrocodone. Trust me - I DID need it bad, but I also knew when I was taking it to "get away". The problem with addicts is that even when rx's are needed, our addictive behavior (in my opinion) will make it near impossible for an addictive substance to Not become a problem....eventually.
Yet I stuffed all of my better judgment and kept going along with the recommendations of doctor's who know a lot about western medicine and NOT a lot about addicts. In fact, I have even told my docs numerous times that I was recovering and I had to KEEP reminding them thru the years when things would come up not to give me something that would be addictive.
So sept. 2011, I was in enough pain (back pain) and tired enough of fighting for my own sobriety...that I decided to give myself permission (back disease) to take pain meds bc after all "it's not drugs or alcohol", right?
Then fast forward to about one year ago. I have known for years that I have severe ADD - it actually leads to my chronic fatigue, depression, anxiety. I am open to any suggestions of natural ADD treatments once I am tapered off my meds. But I knew entering into the meds of the ADD family would be dangerous territory. My drug of choice when I did get high was cocaine or other stimulants. So about one year or more later, I was taking more than prescribed of my ADD meds.
I have now handed over my meds to my husband to taper off for me and I usually stick to a set amount if I don't happen to find the stash of where he's hidden it. He now brightened up to start counting them each day....darn, I was wondering when he was going to come up with that!
I am NOT saying that everyone's philosophy should be 0 narcotics. I am saying for myself, it should be bc even if my meds START off not abused...they will be, in time, used in an addictive fashion.
So that's my situation now. I used to like saying/thinking I had a clean sobriety date of 3/1/08 . I didn't want to admit this to be a relapse bc that would mess up some # like it was a race or an award. But I've now admitted that this is a relapse and the date really doesn't matter ~ the journey does!
As for ADD....proteins, nuts, (hate to say this) but...caffeine also helps. I worked in special education for 30 years
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