TempeBrenn

In the can't sleep mode: jittery, nervous, scared, weepy. Can't stop crying and not sure why.
The harder I try to be a good person, wife, daughter, sister, friend, the more I feel like I've failed. My Chardonnay was my friend who didn't make me feel like I failed - until the next day. But I always seemed to forget what that "next day" was like and continued with the "friendship". Does this make sense? I think not.
Why would I continue to drink when most times I wouldn't remember the evening? And I thought that was normal for others until I tried to get/stay sober. And I tried to convince myself that a bottle a day really wasn't THAT much. All while being a fitness/health freak! Oxymoronic!
I want to be healthy and live a longer life, not slowly poison myself. But part of my head says a nice glass of wine with dinner is elegant and I want elegance. But it often turns into sloppiness instead. And I know better....too much is poison.
Stopped going to AA cause thought I could do it on my own. Can't.
Going back today.

Thanks for letting me share.
Does the insomnia eventually go away? I'm exhausted.

ExWinoMom

Well girl one day at a time. You are doing very well! Just for today, love yourself by going to a meeting. I will too!
From a fellow Mum xx

GracieLou

I understand. I had the insomnia and my doctor said it was okay to take an OTC Unisom and that helped. I could get over that hump but there are times that does not help right away if my mind is spinning.

I can't do it alone either. I go to AA and I need the people as well as working the steps to remain sober. Sheer willpower did not work for me. I don't have that power.

Many people romance the drink. Seeing ourselves on a beach in a nice lounge chair sipping a pretty drink with an umbrella in it. Even if I was there I would be drinking one after another. I don't sip. I drink. I don't want to drink to enjoy or relax, even though I have told myself that for years, I wanted it to get drunk. Plain and simple but even times that I did not want to and felt I should control my intake, I could not. It was torture to count drinks or measure how much was poured in my glass.

The impulse to be that wonderful daughter, sister, friend comes out right away because we want to be fixed now. I felt if I put down the drink that all the others stuff would just fall right into place. What I found though is to take is easy and one day at a time.

One day at a time is one of the keys. It is not a race even though that is how I drank. I drank fast and hard to get the results I wanted. Getting sober, not so much. I had to slow down and practice some patience.

I am glad you are going to go back and try AA. The program and the people have made my life worth living.

It does get better

Johnston

The insomnia went away for me after I got some time under my belt. Are you avoiding caffeinated beverages in the afternoon?

heath480

Stay sober a day at a time and things will improve for you.

It takes time to recover.Going to a meeting today is a great start.

TempeBrenn

Caffeine only in am.
Think I'm so anxious and afraid right now, can't sleep. Been up most of night reading SR.
Just want to cry. Can't. Can't wake hubby.
I think I finally understand "admit powerless over alcohol". Thought I did, but didn't fully get it.
Thanks for reply.
Need to feel someone is there to listen, hear and understand and support sobriety... Complete abstinence.

heath480

I hear you.

It is a horrible place for you now,but the good news is it will get better,it is not easy sticking with early sobriety but worth it.

hayley86

Good for you with going back to AA. I had to physically tire myself out with exercise for the first several weeks so i could sleep. The insomnia went away with more sober time and I started to get into a good sleep pattern. If i felt anxious or worried i would go for a walk, day or night. It was the only thing that stopped me from thinking too much. Wishing you best of luck.

FeelingGreat

Hi TB - I certainly get the 'elegant' part, and the bottle a night part which isn't very elegant. You know you are saving your own life, and to go back is unthinkable.
Sorry you're going through this rough patch, but push on because recovery lies ahead.

Hawkeye13

Hi TempeBrenn;
When it really hit me that I could not ever drink it almost felt like a death of someone I loved. I felt just like you--cried and cried alone to not wake up my husband and I felt so very scared as I didn't know how to be or live my life as a sober person. The first few months were up and down but it slowly got better and better as my mind cleared and I felt "normal" for the first time in years. You can do it, and it is absolutely worth it.

TempeBrenn

Hawkeye,
Yes, the death of someone I loved. Great analogy.
I am going to do it. Quit.