flujays

Hi TempeBrenn, I would love to know more about your story. I'm a closet drunk too, hubby hasn't got a clue, he's a different kind of 'holic' a workaholic. He's not here much, plus I go to bed early when i'm drinking so he doesn't know. I'm in AA now and really giving it my best. Funny thing is, I've been hiding my alcoholism and now I'm hiding my recovery! Go figure. I want to tell him but I would love to get a bit of sober time under my belt before i do so that he knows i'm really working at it.

flujays

Hahahaha could have been written by me too!!! And I suspect it could have been written by lots of us bouncing around on here.

allihk

Oh yeah. Made it a whole week. That's a whole 7 day week and feel great! Have had a few left field issues to deal with and also a weekend with my parents which I normally cope with a few wines throughout the day. I have had withdrawal symptoms which I normally by day 3 subdue with wine. I have had anxiety and can't stop clenching my teeth. But the anxiety has settled. The withdrawal symptoms have settled. The teeth clenching and sleep aren't great but the bonus is I am waking each morning sober and feel a little better each day. I'm a little scared of next weekend but I am going to deal with each day as it comes.

Feeling great. I am proud of my achievement and so are those couple of folk closest to me that know the depth of my alcohol dependence. Looking forward to day 8!

HeadLump

Great post, allihk. And proud you should be! That's a fantastic achievement

allihk

Thanks HeadLump. This place has been amazing help. Reading other peoples stories has made me realise that I can't delude myself anymore to think that I can moderate etc etc. it had been a long time coming and it's great to face the reality. Scary. But exciting!

allihk

Flujays and TempeBrenn. Glad you enjoyed the posts. Hope you are both feeling better each day. Have a happy day today.

allihk

Well another positive day. I must say I slept better last night and my mood today was much improved. Wasn't as erratic and cranky and in not grinding my teeth either! Went for a walk this afternoon. The first in a very long time and it felt great! Each day is getting better and stronger. This week I am going to get out and start catching up with friends. I have full faith that they will respect my decision not to drink.

Tomorrow day 9 which means I'm nearly at double figures. Woot woot! I would like to start doing a wee bit of exercise each day. Tomorrow I am thinking of swimming laps. I'm not putting pressure on myself though will take it as it comes.

Happy Tuesday soberites. Thank you all for reading and listening. It has given me such strength each day to stay sober.

allihk

Really struggled today. By 2pm I was craving for a glass or 3 of wine! I was shattered when I left work and all I wanted to do is come home and drink! Not a good feeling. I decided on the way home from work to go and do some laps at the local pool. It had been over 8 months since I have done laps. I was training last year for a tri-Athlon that was in June. I was the swim leg. That obviously didn't happen as I was swimming in wine instead!

So I got home and didn't give myself a chance to think. Went straight to the pool. I managed 10 laps just! Oh well it's 10 more than yesterday. I'm still craving but am coping. I will succeed day 9.

SnoozyQ

So glad you didn't cave Allihk.
You should be proud of yourself . I found the first few weeks excruciating re cravings .

Everyone kept saying it gets better and i didn't really believe them , I thought they were coaching me through some tough spots.

They were absolutely right ....it does get easier .

allihk

Thanks Snoozy. I have faith it will get easier. I suppose it's just breaking habits. All I can do is give myself a wee goal each day and a happy each day. Feeling better as the night rolls on. I'm closer now to day 10 which is double digits yay!

Thanks for the boost!

pinkdog

Hi allihk, Awesome!!! I am so happy to hear your progress. Sweeeet!

allihk

Day 10 today. Double digits! Woot woot! I'm starting to sleep better. Tired of a night and the body is once again waking up all by itself at 530am in the morning. Wouldn't mind the extra hour sleep but it's nice laying here listening to the birds sing.

I'm getting nervous for the weekend. I have social activities and friends to see. I love my dear friends and I know they will support me if I am not drinking that is not the issue. It's more the association of catch ups and alcohol. I also have a Halloween party next weekend and I'm scared of that too. I know I need to talk with my friends and explain what I am doing and I know they will be fully supportive. It's not them. It's me. It's my weakness and association that fun can only happen with a glass in your hand. Not all of my friends drink by the way and they seem to have fun.

Anyway. I'm just blubbering what's on my mind. First challenge is day 10!

firstymer

Congratulations on reaching double digits, alli. That is huge. If you feel yourself being tempted to drink, just re-read some of things you have written yourself regarding the positive changes you have experienced since you got sober. You know, better than any of us, why it is important that you stay strong and stay sober.

Good luck. And congratulations.

Aiko

ALLIHK,

I love your title... DOING!!!

You just turned a page of your life... Congratulations...

Best luck in your coming sober days...
Well done DOING!!!!

Now that you are determined it you will DO IT!!!

Dee74

congrats on ten days alliehk

don't be afraid to be discriminatory on invites for a while - if you feel vulnerable or if you feel unsure you're up to the challenge it's ok to cry off. There will be other social events

if you do go - have a plan - think about all the likely scenarios you might have to face, and how you might react in a positive way to them...and have an escape plan - always

D

SnoozyQ

Aaah the words of wisdom are back .

Great advice Dee , i don't know how you pack such good advice into a couple of sentences !

So good to have you back . :-)

allihk

wooow.. .Today is really difficult!! I'm still at work and will be leaving in about half hour ish I think... .and all I want to do is have a few to celebrate Friday! Last week was easy as I was going away.. .but this week I am catching up with one of my besties (she knows I'm on tea)... but I still feel this massive pull to have a few! I'm extremely anxious.... As the day has gone on it's got worse!! It's woohoo Friday!!! I do know my friend is going to have a couple of glasses of wine when we catch up however that is okay.. and unfortuantely I do need to catch up with her tonight for varying reasons which, as a friend, are a little more important than me right now. I need to be there for her today.. I also need to be there for myself!! To be honest, I think if I was just going home the feeling would be the same so really, whether I'm at her place or mine. .it really isn't going to make any difference at all...... the pull is there and it is something I am going to have to push through somehow..... If the rain holds out I am going to go and do some laps again this afternoon..... hopefully that will push out the anxiety...

AAgghhh!! This is really tough today..... I really hope that I do make it through tonight....

allihk

Hello hello! It has been a few days since I have posted. Unfortunately I didn't make it to 2 weeks dde23. I ended up having a couple of glasses on Friday night (only 2) but then had a couple more in Saturday and Sunday. Interesting since then I have had wine every night. Nothing too wild but enough to get me thinking and enough to each day wanting that glass or 3 of wine when I get home from work. Just finished a 14 hour day and having another glass of wine. I'm not too disappointed in myself as I don't want to begin the spiral! I haven't been going down the 2 bottle a night route so that's okay. But in saying that the crave of wine is there and I want to break it again. My plan is to start again in Sunday and start the count again. I am home next week which will give me a break from here and hopefully I can push it through and make more than 12 days! But overall I am happy with the 12 days as it's more than what I have done previously and even though I have had a glass or so every day since I haven't woken up with massive hangovers. Only tired and a little foggy. So that's better than before right. I know it's not perfect and that I did topple off the wagon but I don't feel like I have landed on my head (definitely not on my feet though, maybe an ungraceful tuck and roll).

My new saying this week is: Optimist. Someone who figures that taking a step backwards after taking a step forwards is not a disaster, it's a Cha-Cha. Thanks to everyone that was supportive and I hope I haven't disappointed anyone and please don't be disappointed in me. I appreciate and I am very very grateful for you all here. You are all amazing and so very supportive. Hopefully I can give this another bash and be a little more successful. Happy hump day! A x

deeker

I tried that before, saying I'll quit on this certain day and that day never came.

Actually it came and went. There will always be some excuse to put it off allihk.

Today is the day. If you really want this, Today is the day.

firstymer

I think deeker is right, alli. I have only been sober for 9 weeks, so others may have better advice. But I don't think quitting drinking is something that we plan out, like a vacation. Or an oil change. I think that when the time is right, when you finally decide that your life is out of control and you need to be DONE with alcohol, then you will be done drinking. That day. At least that's how it happened with me. Like deeker says, "If you really want this, Today is the day."

Good luck. We are pulling for you.