Bringing my A game again
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 49
Bringing my A game again
A few days ago I posted about how I had a really bad day at my work. I'm a teacher. It really threw me into a tailspin and I wasn't really sure if I was going to make it because I've really been harassed by this parent for two weeks now. They've tried to ruin my reputation as an educator and the anxiety over the whole thing was really killing me, especially because education is my life. I live and breathe education and I love it.
Anyway, it really hurt. I have a hard time saying that. What I like to say instead is why the parent is wrong and why I'm right and I like to win, not to feel. So I've been having this massive internal and external struggle building within me for two weeks now. Every night this week I've thought about getting a glass of wine. I've heard the voice say to me "It'll help you sleep." "You can forget about everything." "Remember how you used to be able to forget things like this." "It wasn't that bad before; you got a little carried away but you can drink now." Every night its been so tempting but I haven't had anything to drink.
This afternoon I wasn't sure if I would really make it tonight. Right now though, I'm sitting here drinking a ginger ale and watching an episode of Bones while I write.
There was an evening function at school tonight that I had to be present for. I was dreading possibly seeing the parent who has been harassing me. I didn't see them but my sobriety did something much better for me. I was so IN THE ZONE tonight. I don't know how to really explain it but it was like my whole self was so present and so in the moment that I don't think anyone, no matter what mean spirited rumors this parent has spread about me, could believe them. I felt, in even with everything that has happened, successful, joyful, and free. If I had had even ONE drink last night or the night before - I wouldn't have been present like I was. It was my A game. I noticed it in the classroom too. Even though my work has always been great even when I was drinking, my spirit has just been reveling in it.
I couldn't have stayed sober these weeks without reading SR. So tonight I'm thanking my HP for you and for this gift. I am so happy that I've made it through this. No feeling that comes with drinking can compare to this feeling now.
Anyway, it really hurt. I have a hard time saying that. What I like to say instead is why the parent is wrong and why I'm right and I like to win, not to feel. So I've been having this massive internal and external struggle building within me for two weeks now. Every night this week I've thought about getting a glass of wine. I've heard the voice say to me "It'll help you sleep." "You can forget about everything." "Remember how you used to be able to forget things like this." "It wasn't that bad before; you got a little carried away but you can drink now." Every night its been so tempting but I haven't had anything to drink.
This afternoon I wasn't sure if I would really make it tonight. Right now though, I'm sitting here drinking a ginger ale and watching an episode of Bones while I write.
There was an evening function at school tonight that I had to be present for. I was dreading possibly seeing the parent who has been harassing me. I didn't see them but my sobriety did something much better for me. I was so IN THE ZONE tonight. I don't know how to really explain it but it was like my whole self was so present and so in the moment that I don't think anyone, no matter what mean spirited rumors this parent has spread about me, could believe them. I felt, in even with everything that has happened, successful, joyful, and free. If I had had even ONE drink last night or the night before - I wouldn't have been present like I was. It was my A game. I noticed it in the classroom too. Even though my work has always been great even when I was drinking, my spirit has just been reveling in it.
I couldn't have stayed sober these weeks without reading SR. So tonight I'm thanking my HP for you and for this gift. I am so happy that I've made it through this. No feeling that comes with drinking can compare to this feeling now.
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Location: Nutmegger
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As a parent who is in awe of teachers and how much they do for their students..thank you!
And as another struggling alike.....congrats July! I read your post the other night and I am so glad you got to the other side!
And as another struggling alike.....congrats July! I read your post the other night and I am so glad you got to the other side!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
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July, I am so happy for you and thankful to you for posting this thread. You are an inspiration when you say that being fully present is better than being buzzed, or words to that effect . I agree with you, but I also need to be reminded.
Congratulations on your MANY successes! What you accomplished tonight speaks volumes about your professionalism, maturity, and general bad-assedness!
. I agree with you, but I also need to be reminded.Congratulations on your MANY successes! What you accomplished tonight speaks volumes about your professionalism, maturity, and general bad-assedness!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 49
Jaynie, thank you for your support as a parent as well as someone in this struggle with me. I am so excited to be back in action and fully present again.
Grace, thank you. It's hard to remember that these peak moments happen so much more often when alcohol is out of the picture. I remember at some point when I was drinking thinking "I never have any special moments anymore." I didn't realize the obvious connection was alcohol. It's so easy to forget though as time goes by.
I am just so humbled with the grace I've been given.
Grace, thank you. It's hard to remember that these peak moments happen so much more often when alcohol is out of the picture. I remember at some point when I was drinking thinking "I never have any special moments anymore." I didn't realize the obvious connection was alcohol. It's so easy to forget though as time goes by.
I am just so humbled with the grace I've been given.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I think it is so ironic that I used to feel like alcohol made me tougher, stronger, better, but in reality there is nothing like having to deal with a recovering person who as you say "has their A-game on"!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 98
I have to say, even with just 8 days sober, I'm so surprised how lucid my thinking is. I feel so clear-headed and, like you, July, so *present* in my daily experiences. It's really remarkable how cloudy I was before!
Congratulations on your A game! And remember that for one parent that may complain, there are many more silent ones who are grateful you're in their children's lives.
Congratulations on your A game! And remember that for one parent that may complain, there are many more silent ones who are grateful you're in their children's lives.
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