ForestRunner

I've been lurking here since June, and I am finally ready. Day 1 today. Silliness is I am running in the Nike Women's San Francisco Marathon on Sunday but I just somehow couldn't pull it together before now... I hope four days of rehydrating and carbo loading will get me through this one. I've done it before but I'm not getting any younger! You all are a huge inspiration to me, and have helped me reach this important step in my life. I am looking forward to the future, and know I can come here when the beast tries to bite.

Johnston

Welcome and good luck!

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Forest Runner Glad you are taking the plunge. Have you spoken to a doctor at all just to be on the safe side? It sounds like your body is going to get a shock in the next few days x

flujays

Hey there, I wish you all the best on the most important decision of your life. Oh and also the marathon. I ran a half marathon 2 years ago. Whilst in training, I didn't drink monday through thursday but would binge with a bottle of wine every Friday Saturday and Sunday nights. Imagine what i could have done if I'd been completely clean and sober. I hope you choose sobriety, it will make you such a better athlete.

ForestRunner

Haven't spoken to my doc yet but plan to. I knew there would finally come a day when I said "this is it". Did not know that day would be today until about two hours ago.

Coldfusion

Wow!

I admire your motivation, but please see a doctor!

Alcohol withdrawal can do strange things to your heartbeat!

(I've run a couple dozen marathons and four ultras, and detoxing from alcohol was the hardest thing I have ever done.)

Aiko

Forestrunner,

You have taken the right decision and it is your moment!!!

You will never regret and you will wonder why you didn´t try sooner.
You can do it, if you run a marathon you can climb a mountain...

THE HARDEST MOMENT IS THE FIRST STEP!!!

And you have done it... Congratulations

Ps. I wish you luck on the race...
I did half marathon three weeks ago, and this Sunday I go for a small of 10 km...
best thing I ever did QUIT and STARTING RUNNING.

Aiko

Forest,

What thinking If you are worried about your heart beat.
I do not know if you know but I bought:

Heart Rate Monitor Watch

You wear a belt on your chest and a watch and
when you go over your maximum heart beat rate you slow down.
you have to calculate your maximum.

I had heart palpitations so I bought it, thus If I go over 200 ppm I slow down.
Besides it trains you to run in a level of heart beat and you can run for longer
than if you exhaust your heart quickly.

Glad you join the SR.
Great place to get support!!!



RUN FOREST RUNN!!!!!

serious

welcome

and congrats on your decision!
today is the day!

ForestRunner

I am very aware of my heart rate while running, and while I don't have a monitor, I can feel when my heart is overworking and I feel no shame in stopping and walking. I just tell myself I am doing the "Galloway Method" (for you seasoned runners out there). I ran more this year than in years past, but still inconsistently (hmm, wonder why?!?). I was furloughed these last two weeks and instead of using the time to focus in consistency, I focused on my sobriety by spending hours on SR and on my lack of sobriety by making mimosas all day (oh, the irony!). For better or for worse, I was able to really see how powerless I am over drink. It will be really, really hard to accept a world where I can never drink again, but it is tragic to envision a future with me drinking in it. One day at a time, one day at a time...

Hevyn

Welcome ForestRunner. I'm glad you're here. I know you'll find it so helpful. It's great to have people to share with who really understand.

I know what you mean about the thought of never drinking again. I wish it hadn't had to come to that - but in the end I had no control once it was in my system. Every time I drank it led me to a dark place. It was much easier to just stop - I was exhausted trying to moderate. I felt sorry for myself for a short time, but the beauty of waking up every day free of it outweighed everything else.

ForestRunner

Catholic Confession: I want to get this down before I jump into the pool of denial. Last week my 8 year-old son caught me smoking. I was mortified but tried to brush it off. But kids notice everything. Two nights ago he told me, "Mama, I don't like it when you smoke and drink alcohol." #heartbreaks.

ForestRunner

Right now they are playing video games. A by-product of my need for oblivion. It slays me. It is a beautiful fall day and I am failing them as a mother. I read a lot of posts about how people want "Sobriety Now!" So that they can be all the things they want to be immediately. I also read about the need to just simplify things... Do the dishes, change the sheets. It is almost like I want to turn back time do I can fix the mess I've made. I know this is unreasonable, but I am one of those insufferable "thinkers". I can't get out of my head for my own good. I want someone to whack me over the head with a "one day at a time" hammer.

flujays

Hey FR, I totally hear you... I have a 7 year old daughter who sees EVERYTHING. She didn't see me drink because I hid it so well from her and my other two younger children as well as my husband, but, in the end she started to comment on how often we went to the bottle shop on our way home from school. I knew it wasn't normal. Then she told me I never wanted to spend time with her and was always telling her to go downstairs and watch tv in the rumpus room. She was right, I was saying that because I was still hiding my drinking and didn't want her to see it. They are smart and they know you. The question is, how low will you go. I went to my first, second and third meetings of aa this week. I'm so glad i did because I want to give myself back to my children before its too late, so should you. Wish you the best.