Ethos23

I feel absolutely terrible today. I cant think straight, can't go work out and I feel like there is a brick in my stomach. I ate wayyyyyyy too much last night. I absolutely hate this feeling.

orieme

Relax. It's a horrible feeling but it will pass, it's a small trip on a long road so don't beat yourself up. Tomorrow you'll be better and last night won't seem anywhere near as big a deal as it does now. Why? Because it wasn't a big deal to begin with.

Just keep on going.

Ghostlight1

Remember how you feel now and realize you never have to feel that way again. It works for me.
I still remember the hangovers from years ago and I've been sober two years nine months.
Those memories, and the knowledge that I can't have just one drink, keep me sober.

Best to you.

AlefVavResh

Ethos23 - I just scanned some of your older threads. Sounds like you're having a difficult year but you've been able to string together weeks of sobriety at a time. What happens before you relapse? Do you think you can go back to moderate drinking or do you just feel like "screw it - everything sucks"? Have you considered AA meetings, therapist, or rehab? SR is a great resource, but you might need some face-to-face support. Hang in there! This can be your last day one, but you have to change something that you are doing.

least

I hope we can help you get sober for good.

Ethos23

I usually get over-stressed and instead of dealing with it I run and hide in a bottle.

AlefVavResh

Can you come up with a plan for the next time you get stressed? Call someone? Go for a walk? Post a thread?

Anna

Well, we've all done that, Ethos, and we've all found that it doesn't work.

How about putting together a plan for when you next get stressed, because it will happen? You could be prepared to take a different action next time.

Ethos23

I took some time yesterday to just think. Think about what is the best means for my recovery. Given my current workload, I am not in a position to pick up and go to rehab. I am, however, in a position to engage in activities that foster my sobriety. The activities that work best for me are endurance sports. After a good run or bike ride, I find that I rarely think of drinking. I have had a very busy summer and have let myself get out of my exercise routine. I know that it is not an option for me. It would be like getting busy and not taking life-saving medicine. That is how serious it is for me.

I went home yesterday and had a nice dinner then went to sleep. I slept very well. I rose this morning and went for a good run. I say "good" despite the fact it felt like I was running with a 50 pound bag of sugar strapped to my body. Too much drinking and eating the last few days. One thing I did notice however, is this strange mental struggle I was having with myself shortly before going on my run. It was a little voice telling me "just go shower and go to work, don't run, it'll be too hard, you can go tomorrow, etc., etc." I quickly identified this as my AV and put myself in "Robot Mode" and didn't listen to it, got ready, threw on the tunes and went out for my run! Thank God, I did because I feel great now.

As I said, I had a very busy summer. I began teaching at a graduate program at a local university, in addition to my normal busy schedule. It was a very fun and rewarding activity, but took a significant amount of prep time. I also have a busy remainder of the year. I am traveling 4 out of the next 5 weeks. This is actually a good thing for me, because I am good about working out and eating well when I am on the road. I should say, I have been good about these things lately. I used to love going on the road because I could get absolutely slobbering drunk each night. Yeah, that was fun...getting on a plane so hung over I though I was going to have a seizure. Anyway, I treated myself for these upcoming trips with first-class flights. I know what your thinking, "good choice Bozo, all the free alcohol, you will be bombed before you get there." No, I am looking forward to relaxing flights, where I can read, prepare for meetings, read and post on SR.

Every time I post that I've messed up, I get the question, "what's your plan?" Well, to keep it simple, my plan is "To Keep It Simple." Thoughts of drinking will be met with activities that diminish my stress. I work for myself and can easily duck out for a quick hour run to re-group. That coupled with HALT. I am a horrible decision maker when I am hungry. As such, eating well is a must.

That's it for now. Best to all.

ejackson

Good for you, Ethos! I've tried to quit numerous times, but it seems the "keep it simple" plan is working for me. I hope for you, too.

And I'm happy that you got up this morning and did something positive for yourself. It seems to get our days off to a good start that just continues to build.

serious

Endurance sports (or any sports for that matter) is my AA, my rational recovery, my church and my HP. it is the best medicine that i've found for all my troubles in years of searching.
It has been my only outlet when things get tough...

Never underestimate the power of endorphins!

Ethos23

I have finally come to the realization that I need to take time for myself to make myself feel good and respected. If not, I do not have the wherewithall to be there for other people.

Ethos23

AGREED! I feel like I'm on Cloud-9 all day after a workout. Doesnt even compare to drinking or drugs. You have maybe 10-minutes where you feel "good" then its all downhill from there!