sleepy51

this is my 3rd thread, and my last drink was exactly 7 days ago, 1:30-2:00am last tuesday. I was in a bad place about 5-6 years ago, went from drinking twice a week out with friends, to drinking 4-5 nights a week by myself, got myself physically dependent on it, could not sleep when i didn't drink, so I've been drinking 7-12 drinks a night basically just to sleep (sure I enjoyed it also).

From reading about alcoholism and comments from people on this board, and others, it seems alcoholism manifests itself in different ways for different people.

i'll use myself as an example
1. I was clearly physically addicted to alcohol, so that's certainly one strike against me. sweating shaking, high blood pressure, although my withdrawal symptoms were very minor, on a low dose of librium.

2. I would say I have a tough time saying no to one more drink, but not impossible, I do have a limit, and can say enough is enough.

3. I don't crave alcohol when I'm sober, and I never drink in the daytime. even now 7 days sober I'm still using alcohol based mouthwash with no problem.

Maybe it's just a pipe dream, but I'd like to go back to my old life eventually. I plan to take a full month off completely from drinking. and eventually be able to go out once a week or so

pinkdog

Hi sleepy, welcome to SR. It is very freeing to accept that you cannot drink. Drinking 7 - 12 drinks a day is not good for anyone's health. Choose sobriety.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Sleepy.

Welcome to SR.

I thought jut like you in my early sobriety - that I would be soo glad to enjoy an occasional glass of wine again.

But in the process of recovery the thinking has shifted. I stopped romanticizing drink and revolve my life around planning "a glass of wine".

There's a thread on newcomers "Why moderation is not an option for me", just next to your thread - have a look, a lot of interesting thoughts there)

Best wishes to you.

sleepy51

I have no desire to ever go back to drinking 7-12 drinks a night. I'm just wondering if it's possible to ever be able to go out and have a few beers with friends ever again on saturday nights. right now I feel fantastic, I get a little anxiety at night but other than that I'm feeling good

and not to minimize the amount i was drinking, but i'm a 6'0 240 pound male.

I'm sorry if I sound Like i'm in denial, I'm not, I know how much alcohol has cost me.

sleepy51

I read the thread "why moderation is not an option" and for many people it probably isn't. I don't know if it is for me or not.

But I do here you about romanticising alcohol, I guess it's just more about getting back into certain type of life for me.

my life has basically been get up go to work, come home and hang out with my young nephew, shower, then start drinking for 3 hours so I can sleep and do it all over again. I havn't had a night of fun in years

FeenixxRising

I was a complete failure at moderation. If you stop for a month and attempt to drink again, you will quickly find out if moderating will work for you. I suspect it won't, but that's for you to decide.

If you do attempt moderation, pay attention to cravings once you start drinking. Also pay attention to your ability to stop drinking when you intend to stop. If you crave alcohol once you start drinking, and if you regularly drink more than you attended to drink, you almost certainly have an alcohol problem.

If you try moderation, it would be very wise to be brutally honest with yourself now rather than a few years down the road.

Mountainmanbob

I tried that so many times
it never worked for me
but
I do wish you luck

sometimes it takes the return to the bottle to realize
now I know it's best to just stay away

kind of like a hot stove - after a while I learned my lesson






The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

Kaneda8888

Try the AA test: see if you can stick to 2 drinks per night for 2 weeks. Observe your behaviour after these drinks. Do you have a desire to drink more ? Can you control that desire ?

MidnightBlue

Well, you got it right - quitting drinking implies changing lifestyle as well.

Look for new ways to change your daily routines - exercising, new hobbies, education courses - anything you haven't had time for. Chances are a few months later you'll find that you don't want booze to mess up with your new life.

StevenT

I'd have to agree with Kaneda. One of the reasons I bounced in and out of the rooms is that I never admitted total powerlessness over alcohol, never came to believe that I could never be a normal drinker ever again. I got sick and tired of life, ran to AA for a quick fix, and went back out to participate in old behavior. I didn't actually test myself until the last time I went out. I tried willpower, I tried moderation (in the beginning, anyway...) and they failed miserably for me. Some of the stories in the BB have similar paths.

Simply, you never know until you try. You don't know what sobriety has to offer you until you're sober for a bit and you've tried your hardest at it. On the flip side, you don't know (well, you might by now, only you know) what powerlessness is until you're in the thrall of alcoholism for a bit and you try your hardest to not drink.

Give sobriety a try for a while, I'd say stick to your month, then do what seems best. If you go out and drink, and find yourself back where you left, then come back here glad that you discovered the truth and never have to figure out the truth again.

Whatever choice you make, we're here for you.

sleepy51

I know it's kind of strange that i've only been sober a week, and I'm already talking about drinking again.
I've even started mapping out rules for myself, and limitations.

1. I will try a monitored drinking at home, (hanging out with my family, i've told them about this). then one week off, after that
2.only beer, and only once a week, saturday's
3. If I find my urge to drink in between, have withdrawal symptoms, or god forbid completely relapse, I will agree that I can't moderate and will stop forever.
I gave my mother 15 klonopin in case i relapse to detox again.

I used to drink weekend nights, had no cravings or problems during the week, then I had a horrible year that ended with my father's death. I kind of just gave up, not depressed so much as apathetic. I figured life can end at any time, might as well feel good all the time.

advbike

I drank less than HALF of what you did, and struggled to moderate it for 15 years. Never got to be much more than that, maybe a bit less, but here's the deal: it still eff's you up. It started to affect me physically, emotionally and I suppose even spiritually. Started to mess with my sleep, which affects everything. And by zoning out every single night you never find the energy or motivation tto make those dreams you once had come true, or make other changes in your life, or even get to the gym.

It was easier to quit. Wish I'd done it when I wanted to - 15 years ago.

Weaver

All of this sounds like insanity (been there) "Normal drinkers" don't do this. At all...just read what you wrote and reflect.

Banquo

I had no cravings during my drinking days and could even have a few beers and leave it. It was when I just used to have my drinking head on I would drink for days constantly, not eat, miss work and just drink myself into a stupor and upset everyone around me.

I "could" go back to having a beer when the football is on or having a wine with a nice meal but why risk it? My last binge that brought about my sobriety started as a Saturday night out with friends that turned into a 5 day binge. I grieved that I can never do the normal things I mentioned but it's much better knowing that I won't go back to what I was by not taking that first drink.

Melina

Sleepy,

It's really hard to try to drink in moderation when the switch has been flipped, where drinking alcohol negatively impacts your life no matter the amount or the frequency of drinking.

One of the ways you know the switch has been flipped is by posting a lot of reasons why you can drink to a bunch of us drunks.

That might sound flippant but I don't mean it like that. It's a struggle and a battle to get to that place of knowing that you really can't do it. It's extremely difficult to have to think of your life and your future in a whole new way. It opens a whole new terrifying aspect of, holy crap, now what do I do for the rest of my life? That's how I feel, at least. It is scary.

The people on SR that I have seen succeed has not been through their ability to be able to drink. It's through their ability to try to figure out a sober life because drinking in any way was not working for them.

Also, it does seem from your posts like you're putting a lot of effort into a beverage.

I hope you get the answers you want from your moderation test, and I hope I have not offended you.

Best,
Melina

SnoozyQ

No !!!

DEFINATELY not for me anyhow

Good luck xx

Itchy

Nope. But we get someone every year doing this. So post as you go and let's see if you are the exception. The reason I know you won't bees because this is a planned relapse. You gave in with the self delusion that you are now better after a one week break, and will moderate. Ok in less than a week you started planning how you would drink but moderate this time. I have three years and would not try one drink for any reason. I am recovered, no desire to drink. No planning or missing it. One drink would destroy all that. I am done.

Croissant

welcome Sleepy!

Read the above post again, thoughtfully ....and ask yourself one thing.

Why do you need to make rules about something you think you can moderate?

People who are moderate drinkers, don't need to make rules.

DarkDays

Sounds like fun !

Obsession , planning and being trapped.

Honestly soberiety is a million times better than this, not talking about 7 days soberiety but long term living the life soberiety . Liberating.

Good luck .

stark6935

Yeah, rules lasted about 5 minutes for me. Get really drunk some night and sit there and actually think to yourself if it is that fun, why are you doing it? Help falling asleep is not a good reason to ruin your health.