is it possible to become a moderate drinker again
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
I too had that dream in the early days of cleaning up. Whether its possible to moderate ever again.... I don't have the answer. For me I don't even ask the question anymore. I'm 6+ months sober. I wasn't a bottom of the barrel drunk, I was the escape artist drinker. Drink my evenings away to escape my life.
If I were in your shoes, and if we are all honest we've all questioned this moderation thing, I'd ask myself: what is the feeling/need I'm searching for when I want to drink?
For me it was realizing i had been settling for less and was miserable in my life. Drinking was my train ticket to escape reality. 6 months in and I'm figuring out how to change my environment.
Even if I knew I could moderate..... I WOULDN'T... Once you get some solid sober time you will see the grass is greener over here.
If I were in your shoes, and if we are all honest we've all questioned this moderation thing, I'd ask myself: what is the feeling/need I'm searching for when I want to drink?
For me it was realizing i had been settling for less and was miserable in my life. Drinking was my train ticket to escape reality. 6 months in and I'm figuring out how to change my environment.
Even if I knew I could moderate..... I WOULDN'T... Once you get some solid sober time you will see the grass is greener over here.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I tried for nearly 30 years to find the way to moderated and never succeeded. I also had my limits to drinking. I would never get "that" drunk, I was pretty close to drinking within healthy limits, but not within limits to prevent misery and problems. Also, I ALWAYS had the obsession to drink, too. The inability to leave alcohol alone even when you want to is a main sign of alcoholism.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
sleepy, only you can answer the question as to whether you can moderate. Just be sure to be honest with yourself when you decide on that answer. If you do a search on this board about moderation and stay here long enough you'll see the pattern.
1. The commitment to quit wanes the further we get away from the last drink. It's easy after a rough night/weekend/day/month to stand up and proclaim "I'm done, I've had enough". The key is to remember why you did that and keep it as important as it is at that moment to when you start to ponder if you really had a problem.
2. We all would like to have our old lives back when we were drinking and it wasn't an issue. Unfortunately, alcoholism is a progressive disease. It doesn't sit still. It took some time to figure out that every time we went back to it the outcome was worse. It never gets better.
3. I have seen many people reason on this board that they are back to drinking and that they're doing ok. You may do ok for a while but all paths leads back to the same result. Some come back here and others don't. I have yet to see someone check in after a length of time and say "Hey guys, I drank again and I'm doing just fine!".
4. I did a poll asking how many people were able to moderate successfully. Out of a large number who answered it had to be at least 95% could not. Of the 5% that answered that they could not one posted how they did it. That somewhat points to the fact that either they were afraid of the replies they would get or they weren't being honest. The point being there was barely anyone who had been successful.
This is from your first post:
Unequivocally, without a doubt, you can expect more of the above and each time it will get worse. Almost a certain guarantee. You may start back up again after a month and be fine for a while. However, it will end the same.
Like I said, the decision is yours. Go back and read your first post. Be honest with yourself. If life became what it did for you then why do you want to drink?
1. The commitment to quit wanes the further we get away from the last drink. It's easy after a rough night/weekend/day/month to stand up and proclaim "I'm done, I've had enough". The key is to remember why you did that and keep it as important as it is at that moment to when you start to ponder if you really had a problem.
2. We all would like to have our old lives back when we were drinking and it wasn't an issue. Unfortunately, alcoholism is a progressive disease. It doesn't sit still. It took some time to figure out that every time we went back to it the outcome was worse. It never gets better.
3. I have seen many people reason on this board that they are back to drinking and that they're doing ok. You may do ok for a while but all paths leads back to the same result. Some come back here and others don't. I have yet to see someone check in after a length of time and say "Hey guys, I drank again and I'm doing just fine!".
4. I did a poll asking how many people were able to moderate successfully. Out of a large number who answered it had to be at least 95% could not. Of the 5% that answered that they could not one posted how they did it. That somewhat points to the fact that either they were afraid of the replies they would get or they weren't being honest. The point being there was barely anyone who had been successful.
This is from your first post:
how thing's spiraled out of control
Unequivocally, without a doubt, you can expect more of the above and each time it will get worse. Almost a certain guarantee. You may start back up again after a month and be fine for a while. However, it will end the same.
Like I said, the decision is yours. Go back and read your first post. Be honest with yourself. If life became what it did for you then why do you want to drink?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 101
Rules only work for me when sober. Once alcohol hits my brain I forget the rules. I finally had one hangover too much after trying to moderate. I mourned the loss of alcohol in my life for a few weeks but then I realized I was way happier without it. I hope you find the same peace.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 802
Hi Sleepy,
I think you already know the truth my friend.
We all tried it, I tried it many times - never worked.
But please try if you feel you must because as it says in the big book "try it once, try it twice, it may be worth a bad case of the jitters before we are ready to accept that we can't drink like other people "
For me, it was only when I held my hands up and gave up fighting that I started to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
I tried all methods and nothing worked.
AA is working for me at the min, but that is just me.
I wish you well Sleepy
I think you already know the truth my friend.
We all tried it, I tried it many times - never worked.
But please try if you feel you must because as it says in the big book "try it once, try it twice, it may be worth a bad case of the jitters before we are ready to accept that we can't drink like other people "
For me, it was only when I held my hands up and gave up fighting that I started to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
I tried all methods and nothing worked.
AA is working for me at the min, but that is just me.
I wish you well Sleepy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Hi sleepy and welcome;
I blew almost two full years of happy sobriety by trying "moderation" and I was sick for weeks with kindling withdrawal even after just a short relapse. I guess I had to see for myself, but do not plan on doing it again. From what I have read here, most alcoholics have just gone too far in the disease and we can't turn back the clock and have fun drinking just a few anymore.
I blew almost two full years of happy sobriety by trying "moderation" and I was sick for weeks with kindling withdrawal even after just a short relapse. I guess I had to see for myself, but do not plan on doing it again. From what I have read here, most alcoholics have just gone too far in the disease and we can't turn back the clock and have fun drinking just a few anymore.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by Itchy 
Nope. But we get someone every year doing this. So post as you go and let's see if you are the exception.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...stability.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ay-begins.html
Maybe you can learn from this member, and somehow do it differently and succeed. Or even better, maybe you can change your goal to complete abstinence and have a life that is finally free of alcohol. Either way, I wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Sleepy, I came to SR to whine about my mother's drinking. I proudly proclaimed how amazing I had become moderating my drinking, with my phone drinking apps, drinking diary and only drink on weekends rule. Others on the board made me realize how exhausting all this "moderating" was and actually how I was being controlled by alcohol, still, by desperately keeping up my moderation, and for what?!?
Drinking alcohol has no upside for anyone (whether you drink one or you drink 50). Read Jason Vale's book. It will make you look at alcohol in a whole new light. In my opinion, anyone who drinks alcohol has jumped into a dangerous stream, headed towards a perilous waterfall of destruction. Yes, some are closer to the waterfall than others (some have even gone down Niagara Falls), but if you are in the stream, you are headed in that direction. Get on the shore. Bask in the sunlight. It is wonderful, relaxing and safe.
Drinking alcohol has no upside for anyone (whether you drink one or you drink 50). Read Jason Vale's book. It will make you look at alcohol in a whole new light. In my opinion, anyone who drinks alcohol has jumped into a dangerous stream, headed towards a perilous waterfall of destruction. Yes, some are closer to the waterfall than others (some have even gone down Niagara Falls), but if you are in the stream, you are headed in that direction. Get on the shore. Bask in the sunlight. It is wonderful, relaxing and safe.
No half measures
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
Moderation is every alcoholics fantasy. It is a fairytale thought up by your addiction to convince you that this time will be different when in reality all you get is more pain and suffering drinking at or above what you were before.
Maybe you are 1 in 10,000,000 but if you ask me these are pretty crappy odds. Moderation stories never have a happy ending because the monster eats the princess every time.
Maybe you are 1 in 10,000,000 but if you ask me these are pretty crappy odds. Moderation stories never have a happy ending because the monster eats the princess every time.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
I just wanted to weigh in to say thanks for your post. Let me say too that what ever you decide I wish you the best and that you achieve the desired outcome.
I think for years I wanted to drink moderately and 'cut loose' occasionally. I am pretty sure I could start a two beer a night regimen today and maintain it , with strict discipline. I thought for a long time that that would be a wanted and achievable goal. Reading your post today I realize that I am at a place where I can see that moderation though perhaps achievable would in no way be enjoyable. I feel the same emotional response to thinking about a two beer a night schedule, or even some kind of days 'on' days 'off' regimen as I felt in early sobriety about 'never drinking again'. So thank you for showing me how far I've come.
I think for years I wanted to drink moderately and 'cut loose' occasionally. I am pretty sure I could start a two beer a night regimen today and maintain it , with strict discipline. I thought for a long time that that would be a wanted and achievable goal. Reading your post today I realize that I am at a place where I can see that moderation though perhaps achievable would in no way be enjoyable. I feel the same emotional response to thinking about a two beer a night schedule, or even some kind of days 'on' days 'off' regimen as I felt in early sobriety about 'never drinking again'. So thank you for showing me how far I've come.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
when you reach a certain point in your sobriety, moderation becomes silly.
trying to control your addiction (and that is exactly what moderation essentially is) is a hard and very useless job. life is simply easier, when you don't attempt to control anything. especially something that in reality controls you.
through many methods, trials and errors vast majority of us have come to the conclusion that sobriety is the one and only true answer...
whatever you decide, i wish you luck.
p.s. look at the number of threads (mine included) which are similar to "day 1 .. again" filled with feeling of guilt, remorse and depression. after nearly of sobriety i tried to moderate. i did alright for a while, then the old patterns emerged and instead of 2 beers once a week it became 20 beers once a day... slowly, but surely.
trying to control your addiction (and that is exactly what moderation essentially is) is a hard and very useless job. life is simply easier, when you don't attempt to control anything. especially something that in reality controls you.
through many methods, trials and errors vast majority of us have come to the conclusion that sobriety is the one and only true answer...
whatever you decide, i wish you luck.
p.s. look at the number of threads (mine included) which are similar to "day 1 .. again" filled with feeling of guilt, remorse and depression. after nearly of sobriety i tried to moderate. i did alright for a while, then the old patterns emerged and instead of 2 beers once a week it became 20 beers once a day... slowly, but surely.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MODERATION.
There are people with healthy relationships with alcohol - they would never even understand the idea of "moderation."
There are people with unhealthy relationships with alcohol - they cannot, by rule, "moderate."
That's it!
There are people with healthy relationships with alcohol - they would never even understand the idea of "moderation."
There are people with unhealthy relationships with alcohol - they cannot, by rule, "moderate."
That's it!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Severance Colorado
Posts: 150
I'm just wondering if it's possible to ever be able to go out and have a few beers with friends ever again on Saturday nights.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 98
From my perspective, I have 3 choices:
1. Drink as much as I want, with no rules.
2. Moderate, with strict rules enforced to make it work.
3. Don't drink, with strict rules enforced to make it work.
For 17 years, I floated between #1 and #2. Of course, #2 was preferable, but, for me, it required so much work to enforce those rules. It was exhausting, and my life was preoccupied with how to moderate. When I was supposed to be enjoying the company of friends and family, my thoughts would instead be, "OK, I just finished my first glass of wine and now I need a glass of water and can have another glass of wine in 1 hour and then... "Only 45 more minutes until I can have another glass of wine..." "My water is empty and I really want wine but I have to wait another 30 minutes..." "25 minutes..." "20 minutes..." I grew tired of this obsession and always went back to #1, drinking with no rules.
I'm trying #3 right now. It's a lot of work to enforce the rules of #3, too. A LOT. But I have to give it a try, because #1 and #2 weren't working.
1. Drink as much as I want, with no rules.
2. Moderate, with strict rules enforced to make it work.
3. Don't drink, with strict rules enforced to make it work.
For 17 years, I floated between #1 and #2. Of course, #2 was preferable, but, for me, it required so much work to enforce those rules. It was exhausting, and my life was preoccupied with how to moderate. When I was supposed to be enjoying the company of friends and family, my thoughts would instead be, "OK, I just finished my first glass of wine and now I need a glass of water and can have another glass of wine in 1 hour and then... "Only 45 more minutes until I can have another glass of wine..." "My water is empty and I really want wine but I have to wait another 30 minutes..." "25 minutes..." "20 minutes..." I grew tired of this obsession and always went back to #1, drinking with no rules.
I'm trying #3 right now. It's a lot of work to enforce the rules of #3, too. A LOT. But I have to give it a try, because #1 and #2 weren't working.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Christchurch
Posts: 451
I used to have a " two drink rule". Have only two drinks and I will be fine, no hangover, no missing work, feel like a normal person. This had to be the most agony I had ever put myself through. Two drinks just ignited the beast and made made me crazy. Realistically I think I only stuck to this once in my 20 year drinking career. Moderation for me just fuels my addiction. I really hope it's not the same for you. If it gets too hard just stop altogether.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
Hi, sleepy. I, too, had the same dream. In fact, during 5 years of sobriety, I dreamed of a "glass of wine on date night". Well, in 2009, I got my coveted glass. By 2012 I was a lying-hide-the-bottles-hungover-lousy-wife-and-mother-self-centered-depressed drunk.
I'm only 56 days sober today, but I have a hard time explaining how much my life has changed. I am in some kind of spiritual overwhelm. I don't recognize myself anymore - in a good way - and I would not trade my sobriety for anything!
Good luck. Keep posting.
I'm only 56 days sober today, but I have a hard time explaining how much my life has changed. I am in some kind of spiritual overwhelm. I don't recognize myself anymore - in a good way - and I would not trade my sobriety for anything!
Good luck. Keep posting.
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