wellvoice

Hi everyone,

I'm on day one here. This not my first attempt at recovery, but it feels like the most serious one. I am desperate to hang in there this time! I thought I'd share my cost-benefit analysis (based on SMART Recovery's REBT approach) and hope to see some posted from others. Here it is:

Pros for drinking:
I get a quick fix from boredom, fear, internalised anger.
For the first couple of drinks only, I get a feeling of relief and escape.
I temporarily escape responsibility.

Cons of drinking:
I can't drive the next day without risking losing my license, even prison.
I am hurting those I love by withdrawing my attention and becoming irresponsible and neglectful.
Every time I drink, I risk throwing away everything that I have worked for - family, relationship, career future.
I become less reliable.
I fall behind in my work and become more overwhelmed.
My confidence plummets.
I live with the daily discomfort of living a double life.
I live with nagging guilt, shame, and fear.
I compromise my values.
I am distracted from dealing with my real problems.
I compromise my personal growth.
I struggle more financially.
I am not being honest.

Pros for not drinking
I do not wake up feeling guilty about my behaviour the night before.
I don't walk around being afraid of being caught out.
I am more in tune with those I love. That makes me a better parent, partner, and friend.
I am more confident.
I can go to bed feeling safe in my decision to not drink for that day.
I am closer to fulfilling my potential.
I cope better with the demands of daily life.
I can grow so much more by facing my human pain.
I maintain better boundaries.
My health improves.
My finances improve.
I learn to cope with difficult feelings and actually decrease the intensity of those feelings.
I am more honest with myself and others.
I am more in tune with my values.

Cons of not drinking
I have to wrestle initially with persistent cravings.
I am bored at first.
There is no quick fix.
I lose a part of my identity, and old friend (who is actually more of an abuser).
I struggle with resenting that life seems to be full of responsibilities which never end. (Yet those responsibilities are magnified every time I lose a day from drinking.)
I have to sit with some really uncomfortable feelings. (But sitting in those feelings pulls me through a situation rather than leaving me to wallow in it/ fight it.)

This time I want to stick it out!

FeelingGreat

Hi Wellvoice - I hope you have motivated yourself enough. The cons for drinking tend to disappear altogether once you intake gets above a certain level.

360shoes

Hi wellvoice! Welcome!

That's a lot like how I did it. I just didn't pay any attention to any positives about drinking. I've always been good at being able to see what I want to see. I just decided I needed to use that skill to focus on just the parts that served me. I had 10 years once not drinking so I knew that not only is it possible. It awesome. Not drinking isn't that big of a deal for me once I get past it being a big deal. That involves stopping drinking the stupid stuff. No matter what, I ain't drinking. Not an option.

So now I work on having a good life come what may.

Again, welcome to SR! I hope you find your path! Great job giving it up.

wellvoice

Thanks FeelingGreat and 360shoes. I have been great at seeing what I wanted to see to - only I couldn't see that until now! I justified my drinking by seeing it as the only break that I could get when I couldn't get a time break. And when I finally took 24 hours to myself, guess what I did: I drank anyway! 360, I am trying to focus on the parts of me that serve me just like you. Well done on 10 years!
Tonight I am relieved to be away from alcohol. I feel as though I have run away from a tyrant.

SereneEdition

Welcome wellvoice -

Excellent list.

Reflecting on my 9 months of sobriety I needed to find other ways besides drinking to solve the items that you list under 'cons of not drinking.' These were key, long term changes. It's a fantastic foundation to be cognizant of them right away. Thanks for listing them.

Erratic

Thanks for this post it makes alot of sense and there is alot of things u put down i wouldnt of thought of admit.

Good luck on ur journey as i am at day 1 also.

wellvoice

Great strategy. Tomorrow I will go through my list of not drinking cons and start working on some strategies. I am safe for tonight and will be going to bed soon.

Erratic, hang in there. I'm right with you. Just saying hello to somebody else on day one breaks so much of the loneliness of this.

360shoes

Oh I better clarify. I had 10 years. Then I chose to drink again. I chose. It didn't sneak up on me. It didn't offer anything new. I just was curious to see if I would drink like I drank before or if I could drink normally. I knew it was a risk but I wasn't married and didn't have any children so I took it. I think that's one of the hard things for younger people. I didn't know if I grew out of it. Some people do.

Guess what. I didn't grow out of it. I ended up drinking just as bad as before. It was just as awful. It was meaningless and caused all the same problems it did in the past.

The positive was I did have that time not drinking so I knew what the solution was. I didn't have to wonder about was I a problem drinker ever again. It was pretty clear. The only new thing I learned was it sucked quitting the second time more than the first. It was physically much harder. And the mental attachment was much stronger. Maybe that's what they mean it is progressive. I think it was for me. I didn't really drink more or have worse problems. It was just harder to quit. I don't recommend going that route.

But I answered most of my own questions and I don't have to ask those again.

When I drink, most times I drink more than I planned.
Regardless of the amount, I don't like myself when I drink.
I've lived a life not drinking and one drinking. The not drinking one is way better.
I ain't going to change in that department. Me and alcohol don't get along. Best I just stay away from it.

But I'm an optimist so I just see it all as lessons learned. I'm also grateful. I know I was lucky and not everyone is. Who knows if I wasn't one more day of drinking till something very bad happened. It very easily could have happened. Either an accident or heart attack or people I love being done putting up with me or just me never being able to stop it. It could have been. I'm not special.

There are no pros to drinking. Trust me. Not a single one. In fact, if you have any on your list, take those and really break them down till you have a way of looking at them and can say bs. Thats bs. Once you can do that then you can work on keeping the belief. That part gets a little tricky. Probably why there are so many methods to help do it. Everybody has to find the one that works for them.

There are 3 things I have to always watch out for. The f it attitude. The I wasn't that bad attitude, and the just this one time attitude. Doesn't hit me everyday or even every week but I just know to watch out for them.

That's about the only thing I tell people. Quit drinking and go for as long as it takes till life is good. It may take months. But you have to push through till you are living a life that does not include alcohol. If you don't push through to the other side. You just are stuck in the sucky beginning part where it's hard. Hard in the fact that the early part is where you find out all the reason why you think drinking worked for you. I can't relax...drink. I'm stressed...drink. I don't like how I feel....drink.

I had to last long enough to learn how to do all those things all on my own. How long that takes is pretty individual.

That's why I can look at the list and say alcohol doesn't do anything pro. BS. I can do that all on my own. That's me who really does that. Alcohol just BS'd me into thinking it was doing it.

Hey, anyway. That's just me. I don't speak for anyone else.

Great job WellVoice. Dump that cr*p and go get your life going. You are so worth it!

least

Your list of motivations for staying sober is right on. My motivation was a bit more simple: I just got sick and tired of waking up feeling like death and hating myself.

DoubleDragons

Read Jason Vale's book. It is titled Kick the Drink . . . . Easily. It will debunk almost all of your perceptions on your pro drinking list in a funny, common sense, scientific way. In short, the poisonous drug alcohol (and make no mistake, that is what it is) creates the boredom, depression, etc. that we want to escape from by drinking alcohol - vicious cycle. Anyone that drinks alcohol is on the path to addiction (just like anyone who take heroin is on the path to heroin addiction). Some of us have more restrictions in our lives (self-imposed or otherwise) that make our addictions move along a little more slowly than others, but anyone who drinks alcohol is putting a powerful drug into their bodies and is putting themselves at great risk of harm. The thing that hit home in the book for me was, if a child told you that he was bored, would you tell him to go have a drink? Would that make the child less bored? He also says that if alcohol only makes you happy, then there would be no angry drunks. Drinking more alcohol could only make you happier. Alcohol by itself is a poisonous drink, no more, no less. We have to change our perceptions of it and separate our feelings from it. It is an inanimate object that does not deserve control over our lives.