acarey

I need some help.

I recently lost my job, because, thats right, drinking. And I deserved it. My former boss laid into me, we knew each from way back, when he hired me he knew in was a drunk, sober for 6 months. After i let him down 3 times he was done. Ok, I get it, I assume responsibility. But he tore me apart, the worst human he has ever known, horrid father, and on and on. at the time in just sat and took, I kind of felt the same about myself,

Now my head is clear, (his personal defects are prominent, t to say the least) he is of no importance to my life anymore. I know I am notnto beat myself up, whos cares about him? Right? He doesnt get it and never will, not his fault.
I know I am not a bad person trying tonget good, but a sick one trying to get well.
But in my head I cannot stop dwelling, obsessing on that attack.. I know today, it doesnt matter what he said, no matter how mean, I am doing the right things, the people that I care about and care about me are all there for me,

So why can I not stop thinking about those words? Without the support I know it would drive me to drink, and in reality, probaly to death. But thats not happening. I just cannot seem tonlet to let it go in my head, it just keeps poping up, playing over and over.

This is a step to stop that stinkin thinkin, but it is weighing on me, he is inside of my head even despite knowing it is something to just let go,

Its just not going

Any body been there? What do I do? Matter of time? I hate it. Knowing the whole picture but putting this spec under the microscope, sliding it back and forth, it has to stop

Any help would be awesome, espeacially if someone out there larger in size than I can go give him a wild beating, wait, thats not the way, I mean some positive replies of experience, strength, hope
(Feel a bit better already, maybe I can sleep without letting him invading my dreams again tonight)

Thanks
A

FeenixxRising

In time, his words will have less sting. When the memory of what happened pops into your mind, force yourself to think of something more pleasant. It's not easy, but it's possible, especially after you do it a few times.

Also, he apparently doesn't understand alcoholism. Yes, you screwed up, but he could have given you a more tactful send-off. It happens, maybe he felt betrayed because he hired you as a sober man, but then you ended "letting him down" three times. But, you really can't control how others behave, you can only control how you react to that behavior. Ignoring poor and rude behavior by others can be very empowering.

My philosophy is to forgive myself, but not excuse myself.

360shoes

Hi acarey,

This is what I'm hearing.

You were fired from your job and you understand the reason why.
The man who fired you was not very nice about it. In fact, he actually made it pretty personal with some comments.
You are going over and over the scenario and having a hard time letting it go.

I don't know but I'm thinking you have a whole bunch of feelings going on all at the same time. If it were me, I'd be feeling guilty and scared for losing my job. I would also feel hurt and sad having to hear mean things being said to me. Throw in some anger. I'd be angry too. That's one big ball of feelings to unravel.

Try this. Talk to yourself like you were talking to a good friend. What would you tell them? Don't focus on the details. Focus on the feelings they would be having. Be a good friend to yourself and allow your feelings to just be. One at a time. Then take a few minutes to just breath and open yourself up to the lesson in all this. Once we learn the lesson, life has a way of letting us move on. Helps me anyway.

Vent away and look for the lesson. Takes practice. I have to do it all the time. Just me.

Hope you get some sleep!

duane1

The best revenge is living well as they say.

Melina

That was a great response, 360shoes!

Thanks for that, it really resonated.

SereneEdition

Great thoughts 360.

Acarey - You mentioned that you believe some of the points that the person said. I know for me this is one of my own triggers for obsessing on someone else's hurtful words - because deep down I believe them.

Once I get some distance and some mindspace, I look to make the changes that make me no longer that person that I didn't like by choosing a couple of key things to do differently going forward - and that makes a huge difference. I suggest this as a follow-on to 360's words as a way to keep the thoughts from coming back.