Tapering...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Wilmington
Posts: 3
Tapering...
You know, it's funny, but the thought never even occurred to me that I might actually be an alcoholic until I googled around wondering why I might have night sweats, a fever. Basically, I don't drink by day. Even with family and friends or work functions I've always been able to walk away. But when I'm alone, and that's when trouble begins, and I'm alone now. Albiet, in a distance relationship.
Normally it was a few nights a week and I'd be ok, but the last few years have been a doozy - my son was diagnosed with autism, my marriage broke up, my mother died after a long struggle with cancer. But things are on the up and up, you know, as, I had a beautiful daughter this year, and just got married, but, I have to find a place for my family to move here, and the stress got to me. My little girl is saying dada dada, my son needs me, time to get my act together. I know my work would fall off completely if I don't get this under control now. I know life would be better for family if I quit although I also know I have to work on anxiety afterwards - honestly, a part of me started drinking so I could deal with my ex and also be cool with my now wife.
But she knows what's up. She will say every now and then, "you drink too much". Her previous ex AH was into multiple DUIs and my own habit seems more like a godsend, but she deserves better. She left me benadryl and vitamin B in the medicine cabinet without saying a word. I didn't even put two and two together until I googled it.
So thus, I am self tapering. Thus far this week I've been ok. Sunday was the worst - cold sweats, fever, flu like symptoms, hearing things, shakes so bad I during the day I could hardly sign my name on a membership card for a museum. Monday was not as bad, still the sweats, and today, a little bit less, just nausea, the flu, the sweats. I expect I will be miserable as I ratchet down. I have to ratchet down from a lot to see. I could go through a fifth and a half on a Saturday - bourbon, and on a weeknight, somewhere over a pint. And because I'm more bored by myself. I weigh about 240 - mostly from body building but of course I have the drunk's belly that I hope to get rid of. And I'm tapering, reducing the amount each night. Today I had something of a clear head for some of the day, hoping tomorrow will be better. Have a piece of duct tape on the glass for my measured alotttment, that, and no more. And hopefully by sometime next week I'll be off the stuff.
Normally it was a few nights a week and I'd be ok, but the last few years have been a doozy - my son was diagnosed with autism, my marriage broke up, my mother died after a long struggle with cancer. But things are on the up and up, you know, as, I had a beautiful daughter this year, and just got married, but, I have to find a place for my family to move here, and the stress got to me. My little girl is saying dada dada, my son needs me, time to get my act together. I know my work would fall off completely if I don't get this under control now. I know life would be better for family if I quit although I also know I have to work on anxiety afterwards - honestly, a part of me started drinking so I could deal with my ex and also be cool with my now wife.
But she knows what's up. She will say every now and then, "you drink too much". Her previous ex AH was into multiple DUIs and my own habit seems more like a godsend, but she deserves better. She left me benadryl and vitamin B in the medicine cabinet without saying a word. I didn't even put two and two together until I googled it.
So thus, I am self tapering. Thus far this week I've been ok. Sunday was the worst - cold sweats, fever, flu like symptoms, hearing things, shakes so bad I during the day I could hardly sign my name on a membership card for a museum. Monday was not as bad, still the sweats, and today, a little bit less, just nausea, the flu, the sweats. I expect I will be miserable as I ratchet down. I have to ratchet down from a lot to see. I could go through a fifth and a half on a Saturday - bourbon, and on a weeknight, somewhere over a pint. And because I'm more bored by myself. I weigh about 240 - mostly from body building but of course I have the drunk's belly that I hope to get rid of. And I'm tapering, reducing the amount each night. Today I had something of a clear head for some of the day, hoping tomorrow will be better. Have a piece of duct tape on the glass for my measured alotttment, that, and no more. And hopefully by sometime next week I'll be off the stuff.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 544
My brain is trying to kill me
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Palo Alto, ca
Posts: 401
Welcome, SR is a great place for support. Your plan is a tough one and I wish you the best of luck. Going solo in recovery is impossible for most of us, and few succeed; I mention this not to discourage, but to remind. If your plan isn't working too well, do not go back to the dark side, reach out, and a hand WILL be there to keep you moving. And remember, you must put yourself first, nothing else will be done right without doing so. Keep posting and let us know how you are. One Day At A Time, that WORKS!
to SR! You've come to a great place for support. 
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