functionalmess

I had done well. 30 days without incident...what harm could a couple of beer do? That was three months ago. Last night my wife sat me down and said she's sad, frustrated, and married to an alcoholic. I agree.

I'm drinking 5-9 beers a night, but I want my last beer to have been last night. I have a conference to attend this weekend and I know my peers will be drinking...I don't know what to do about that one. I want my life back so I'm here. I'll be here for awhile until I can sort out a plan, a way to get past this. This is not the man, husband or father I want to be.

countingdays

Welcome back! The cycle is so crazy, isn't it? So much time wasted/lost and yet we still return to the drink. You are not alone. I'm routing for you.

resolute50

I didn't that whole,one drink wont hurt.
And the same results.
It took me 4 years to get back on track again.

So for getting back to sobriety after 3 months.
I'm sure you learned as I did,a valuable lesson.

functionalmess

Thanks. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in the experience.

TexasMichael

It's easy to stop drinking when you have a hangover. Kind of like trying to quit smoking when you just finished a cigarette.

With a hangover all the guilt, fear, and anxiety is at the front of your mind. Remember how bad you feel today.

My last relapse cost me 3 1/2 years of 10+ per day. I had been sober almost a year and, like you, decided to have a beer. I only drank moderately for the next couple of months. After that I was drinking more than before and it was harder to quit.

What helps me now is remembering how bad I felt on Day One and knowing I can choose not feel that way again.

Good luck, and keep posting. SR is the best place to come when you feel any cravings.

functionalmess

Thanks for the post. It helps to have a bit of clarity regarding where I am today and where the real challenges are in the future. And you right...I don't want to feel like this ever again.

least

If you stop drinking you'll never have to feel like this again. You can do this!!

ScottFromWI

Many have had similar experiences Functional, me included. My current run is several months, but I had a good stretch last year and same thing - tried to moderate and started out with just a couple beers a night, but by the end of the year I was back up to 6-8 beers a night on the weekdays and a 12 pack or more a day on the weekends.

I knew drinking was bad for me physically and emotionally, I knew it was the source of most of my problems and I knew it was going to ruin me eventually. Common sense tells all of us that of course, but we choose to basically ignore it and listen to our addiction. What finally got me through this last stretch ( which will hopefully last a long time ) was the realization that sober life is better than drinking. When you are drinking, you aren't living - you are basically just finding excuses to drink each and every day. When you are sober, you are living your life like you should - facing the challenges of every day life, being a father, brother, worker, etc.

Regarding your upcoming conference, I travel to those types of things now and have zero issues. What you'll acually find is that there are plenty of people that don't drink at all at them. Your addiction just makes you falsely assume that "everyone drinks" because you gravitate towards the drinkers. If you absolutely have to go this early in sobriety, just participate in the necessary daily functions and do something else during "cocktail hour". You don't need any excuses, just go back to your room or take a walk or visit a mall.

Best of luck and hope you can finally turn the page onto a new sober chapter this time around.

functionalmess

Thanks for the advice. The conference is a big concern for me.

ScottFromWI

Perhaps you should not go then. I postponed some work travel and meetings myself during my first couple months. Your sobriety needs to be your absolute 100% priority to make it work, and sometimes that means making some pretty major lifestyle changes. You'll eventually be able to attend things like this with no problems at all ( trust me - it works! ) but when you are first starting out and you fear that it will risk your sobriet, you might need to take some extraordinary measures.

functionalmess

There's an AA meeting tonight. I've never been to one, but I'm thinking it might be worth going...any suggestions?

functionalmess

Avoiding the conference is not an option due to the nature of my employment.

ScottFromWI

I think that would be a great idea. Just go, you don't need to say anything if you don't want too.

AlefVavResh

AA changed my life. I hope you find comfort there.

ScottFromWI

While that may be the case, avoiding drinking while there and the parts of the conference that involve drinking specifically are an option. My previous job was as a consultant for a technology firm. We had conferences and outings all the time, and I drank like a fish at most of them. Having said that, our vice president and sales manager ( and leading salesperson to boot ) did not drink due to his religion. That had no effect whatsoever on him being extremely successful at sales in a high paced/high pressure sales environment. Only alcoholics think that drinking is required to succeed.

fini

functional,

planning ahead was a big help to me. walking around with a non-alcohol drink always already in my hand stopped a lot of the "offerings" that otherwise might be made.

going for a breath of fresh air outside for a couple of minutes...

practicing saying "no thanks, i'm fine" with only that and then changing the subject with something like " now tell me about..."

finding a person who's not drinking and sticking close to them.

making sure you don't get hungry.

that kind of stuff.

as far as what harms, it's not the beer you had after thirty days as much as the thought that a couple wouldn't hurt. the thinking that led there.

good to see you go for it again.

Hevyn

Hi functional. I'm glad you wanted to talk this over.

I finally realized I just couldn't play with it any more. There was never going to be 'just a couple' of beers. It was exhausting to try and control the amounts I drank. I almost lost my life trying to hold on to it and drink in a social way. It never happened. I had to let go of it and reach out for a sober life. It sounds like you're ready. We are with you.

Pipping

I had the ultimatum from my husband Functional. I understand how shameful and embarrassing it is to be confronted. Drinks with work mates at a conference are not worth your marriage and family. Make up a lie at the conference if you have to, tell people you are on antibiotics and can't drink. Think how happy your wife will be when you come back fresh and clear headed rather than seedy and exhausted. All the best

functionalmess

Well, when you put it that way...I especially liked the "seedy and exhausted"... How very true.