alone and addicted
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 5
alone and addicted
my husband and I have used substances our whole lives, but only in the last year have we become truly addicted. my husband is in the military, and last week was sent to rehab for the next 35 days. i'm so happy for him, he seems very motivated about his recovery, and it seems like he is in a really good place. he has people around him who care about him, a structured environment, he's doing well.
i'm really struggling. we had been smoking about 7 or 8 grams of spice each per day, and when he went to rehab i quit cold turkey. I went to my first NA meeting yesterday morning. it was a great experience, and i met some great people.
my biggest problem is being alone. I am unemployed at the moment, and in school, but all of my classes are online. We haven't lived in the area for very long and i really haven't developed any meaningful friendships, so my husband is pretty much the only person i interact with. when i'm alone or not doing anything all i can think about is spice. i only made it 48 hours before my withdrawal symptoms got real bad. Insomnia, no appetite, night sweats, terrible anxiety, i'm crying all the time, even now while i write this post
I caved, I went and bought a small bag of spice, not as much i usually smoke but bad all the same. i thought i would get some kind of relief. no, i felt like i had betrayed my husband and myself. it made my anxiety worse, i still haven't eaten, and i still haven't been able to sleep longer than 2 or 3 hours a night.
i just sit here an obsess about how alone i am, my husband has a team of doctors and therapists helping him and i don't even have my husband helping me. coming on these forums has been helpful but i'm still struggling so much. its inspiring to see how many people have changed their lives, i just hope i can get to that point too.
i'm really struggling. we had been smoking about 7 or 8 grams of spice each per day, and when he went to rehab i quit cold turkey. I went to my first NA meeting yesterday morning. it was a great experience, and i met some great people.
my biggest problem is being alone. I am unemployed at the moment, and in school, but all of my classes are online. We haven't lived in the area for very long and i really haven't developed any meaningful friendships, so my husband is pretty much the only person i interact with. when i'm alone or not doing anything all i can think about is spice. i only made it 48 hours before my withdrawal symptoms got real bad. Insomnia, no appetite, night sweats, terrible anxiety, i'm crying all the time, even now while i write this post
I caved, I went and bought a small bag of spice, not as much i usually smoke but bad all the same. i thought i would get some kind of relief. no, i felt like i had betrayed my husband and myself. it made my anxiety worse, i still haven't eaten, and i still haven't been able to sleep longer than 2 or 3 hours a night.
i just sit here an obsess about how alone i am, my husband has a team of doctors and therapists helping him and i don't even have my husband helping me. coming on these forums has been helpful but i'm still struggling so much. its inspiring to see how many people have changed their lives, i just hope i can get to that point too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Welcome cl0ck, i'm glad the meeting was a good experience. Meetings are a great way to interact with other sober people and the face to face support is really important. Have you spoken to your doctor about quitting?. When i quit drinking my doctors support was vital for my recovery and it made me feel less alone. I also changed all of my old habits and developed a new routine in order to stay focused and keep my mind off drinking. Spending too much time alone and having too much time on my hands would lead me to obsess more about drinking. I found exercising, reading about recovery, reading these forums and finding new hobbies all added something positive to my recovery. Glad you have joined us. 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 5
I'm glad to be here
I can't go to my doctor just yet because of the government shutdown here in the US, fingers crossed that will pass soon.
A new routine sounds like exactly what I need, I used to be very active and play a few musical instruments, probably time to revisit them!
I can't go to my doctor just yet because of the government shutdown here in the US, fingers crossed that will pass soon.
A new routine sounds like exactly what I need, I used to be very active and play a few musical instruments, probably time to revisit them!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
That sounds great. Keeping busy was so important for my recovery and it still is. I can be terrible for over thinking and worrying and i find keeping busy helps me with that. You have found a wonderful place for support. The chat room is good too if you need to talk to someone in real time.
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